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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To give up Housing Association house and buy house with partner?

294 replies

Housingquandary · 20/01/2026 22:08

I live in a new build HA house with my daughter. It's a 2 bedroom and is very small but it's a nice quiet area and lots of schools nearby.
My partner is divorced and lives with his mum , he has started talking about living together and getting a bigger place together. My place is nice but it really is noticably crampled especially when he stays over. We don't live together and I do like my own space , I also am terrified of getting a mortgage and the financial burden and responsibility especially now as I'm in early 40s, but the idea of a bigger house is so appealing. Would I be mad to give up my house and do this? I was so lucky and grateful to get this house in the first place.
It's an ok size for me and my daughter but when he is here, it just feels cramped and not big enough for 3 people. I should also add we have been together for 2 years.

OP posts:
ForCoralScroller · 24/01/2026 21:29

Personally, I'd never give up a housing association house

Sassylovesbooks · 24/01/2026 21:30

No. You have your own home, with your daughter. Yes, it might be small, but it's your space, that no one can take away.

I'm sure your boyfriend is talking about buying a home with you, he has nothing to lose, does he??? He has everything to gain, far more than you!! If you purchased a house together, he could move back with his Mum, if you split! What would you do??? You'd have to go back on the housing list, which, if it's anything like my area, you could be waiting some time before something suitable came up. Or you'd be trying to private rent, where there's fewer and fewer properties available.

You're been together 2 years, which is no time at all. In your circumstances I'd date him but I wouldn't be buying a property with him.

Doubledenim305 · 24/01/2026 22:02

ForCoralScroller · 24/01/2026 21:29

Personally, I'd never give up a housing association house

My husband gave up his HA house about a year after we got married- for us to buy a house together (which I provided most of money for). So if things went pear shaped he would get half the house. So it's not really much of a risk for him. So marriage is the key i think!

SnowDaysAndBadLays · 25/01/2026 01:41

Hang on, you put up most of the money so he could get half the house?
Am I reading that correctly?

GaIadriel · 25/01/2026 02:47

SnowDaysAndBadLays · 25/01/2026 01:41

Hang on, you put up most of the money so he could get half the house?
Am I reading that correctly?

He gave up a whole house!

LeftieRightsHoarder · 25/01/2026 04:23

OP, I’m so relieved you’ve decided not to leave your nearly-ideal home!

Rajes · 25/01/2026 06:27

No bad idea, ilot more 3xpensive. f you break up then you will be homeless . Let your daughter live on her own in your house. If it doesn't work you can move back

magicalmadmadamim · 25/01/2026 08:15

Im on the fence. Would your name be on the deeds to this house?
Social housing is great but it still isnt really your house and therefore not an asset to pass down. Social housing does not automatically get passed to children it goes back to the council.

Sesquipedahlia · 25/01/2026 08:28

A house bought with a partner to whom the OP is not married is very likely also not going to turn into an asset to pass down. She loses if they split up. She loses if he insists on bequeathing his half to someone else. She loses if they don’t keep up the mortgage payments and the house is repossessed.

Currently the best thing she can do for her daughter is to give her a stable and secure home, independent of any other relationship, so the daughter can enjoy her home and school life and grasp the opportunity to do well and build towards a successful future. Without having to support a stressed or distressed parent potentially knocked sideways by relationship issues.

Zov · 25/01/2026 12:10

Seagullstopitnow · 23/01/2026 07:47

I honestly think the "you can afford it so you should give up your home" lot are living in cloud cuckoo land.
Lots of people got very wealthy under right to buy. Looks like right to buy was a massive mistake, but if I had a secure tenancy, there is no way on earth I'd give it up with the price of housing right now. Whether I got married, got a massive payrise, no way.

In the area I live, the rent you pay on social housing wouldn't get you a room in an hmo.

Why would people destroy their standard of living in the name of "fairness" for someone they don't know?
Most people put their family first. If you say you don't, you're either a bit stupid, or lying.

All of this. ^ I think a lot of the negativity and hatred and anger towards people in social housing is borne out of bitterness and jealousy.

Some people who are buying/have a mortgage, are forking out maybe £1200 to £1800 a month for their mortgage, (or more,) and are having to pay for any repairs and maintenance, that can often run into thousands. Tens of thousands in some cases. Complete new heating systems, new electrics, a new roof, new windows, new doors, fixing damp issues, etc etc.

And they see someone who has a social housing property paying less than half of what they are paying for their mortgage, (sometimes a third of it!) and getting every last repair done, and every last bit of maintenance, new kitchen, new bathroom, new windows and doors, new heating system, new electrics etc.... (all included in the rent of course.) And some people have the rent paid if they are not working, (ie; parents of young children, older people, etc.....) People who are homeowners don't get the mortgage payment paid if they end up out of work. (I mean, obviously they shouldn't, as why should the taxpayer be paying someone's mortgage?) Wink

So they see people having what they perceive to be an easy cushy life with a lifetime tenancy that has a modestly priced rent compared to what they're paying. Along with a lifetime of security, and all the repairs done, free gas servicing, free electric checks, remedial work, planned preventative maintenance, and so on.... and it brings out anger and bitterness in people.

But don't hate the player, hate the game. ANYone who has a chance to have a lifetime tenancy for £400 to £600 a month rent, and everything covered (all repairs and maintenance and remedial work and planned preventative maintenance - like paintwork on the outside of the property and roof maintenance etc,) and the rent paid if they are not working/lose their job, would be a fool to not take it.. And they would be a fool to let it go when they have it.

As has been said, there needs to be a LOT more social housing, so that anyone who has a household income of say, £40,000 a year or less, can qualify. (And actually get a social housing property if they wish.) The idea that anyone who has say, three or four hundred pounds a month more income now (than they did when they got their social housing home say, 7 to 12 years ago,) should give it up now, to someone more 'deserving' is farcical. Incredibly blinkered and narrow minded thinking.

If said person in social housing was to give up their lifetime tenancy on their home that has a modest rent, they would have either move into private let, that would very likely be double the rent, or more. OR they would have to buy a property/get a mortgage, so bang goes that extra £300-£400 a month, and much more.... That would put them back in a precarious financial situation, and if they lose their job, they could lose their home, and end up on the social housing list again, and wait YEARS for a social housing property.

So the idea that people in social housing should 'hand it back' if their income goes up a bit (a few hundred pounds a month) is fucking ridiculous. No-one in social housing is driving a lamborghini, going for trips to Dubai every few months, wearing diamond encrusted shoes, and wearing Gucci, Ralph Lauren, and Chanel. Most people in social housing live modest lives. The vast majority of people who have qualified for social housing in the first place are not high earners. They never have been, and they never will be.

Social housing often isn't even super cheap rent, it's 'affordable' and reasonable.

Private let rents being so ludicrously high, and house prices now being high (making mortgage payments high for many) make the social housing rents seem very low. But they're not. They are modest and affordable. Not very low.

As I said, don't hate the player, hate the game. The social housing tenant haters are aiming their vitriol and ire at the wrong people. Why be so angry and resentful that someone is comfortable and happy and has a secure home for life? It's not a good look to resent someone's happiness, comfort, and security.

.

Labelledelune · 25/01/2026 12:21

In a true socialistic world you should morally give it up so a family that can’t buy can have a nice home to live in. But we are not, if you have any doubts then stay where you are. I’d prefer to own my property as it will enhance my children’s lives when they inherit.

Labelledelune · 25/01/2026 12:23

CelticSilver · 20/01/2026 22:25

How old is your daughter? Please don't invite an unrelated male into her safe place.

Not being funny but it’s usually the related ones.

Sesquipedahlia · 25/01/2026 12:24

Are you honestly saying a single woman man should enter into a relationship in order to remove herself from social housing?

Grim …

Zov · 25/01/2026 12:32

Labelledelune · 25/01/2026 12:23

Not being funny but it’s usually the related ones.

Wrong.

Research indicates that while the majority of child abuse is perpetrated by biological parents, children residing with unrelated adults—particularly a mother’s boyfriend — are at a significantly higher, disproportional risk of severe, fatal physical abuse.

These, and other types of, attacks are most often committed by males.

The biggest risk to a child being seriously harmed or murdered, is from an unrelated male.

Labelledelune · 25/01/2026 13:02

Zov · 25/01/2026 12:32

Wrong.

Research indicates that while the majority of child abuse is perpetrated by biological parents, children residing with unrelated adults—particularly a mother’s boyfriend — are at a significantly higher, disproportional risk of severe, fatal physical abuse.

These, and other types of, attacks are most often committed by males.

The biggest risk to a child being seriously harmed or murdered, is from an unrelated male.

We can all copy and paste. But when you actually work within social care you know statistics are not always true.

Zov · 25/01/2026 13:53

Still wrong.

Doubledenim305 · 25/01/2026 23:24

SnowDaysAndBadLays · 25/01/2026 01:41

Hang on, you put up most of the money so he could get half the house?
Am I reading that correctly?

When you get married that's what you sign up to if things go pear shaped, unless I've misunderstood.

555Stars · 26/01/2026 08:32

If the only reason to buy is for more space, then just do a mutual exchange-you can go 1 bedroom more & he can help pay.

Do not leave a secure tenancy for a newish relationship to help him out; daughter comes first. You can pass the tenancy onto your daughter from 18+ and you both could have saved within those years to have a shorter mortgage perhaps.

Currently, he stays over but you’re not living together, have you both been through “life changes together” or has he stayed for long periods? There maybe more to test out before you move in together for that happily ever after

I had a friend do this for a guy and moved very far from family & friends. They ended within a year and it was a real struggle for her to get back on her feet, unable to get back in the system. I wished she had listened to our advice!

DallasMinor · 09/03/2026 10:13

SpangleSparkle · 22/01/2026 18:29

Hmmm , if you no longer need a HA and can afford to buy or private rent, you should because keeping a HA house when you don’t need it blocks the system up.
However, in this instance you have your daughter to think about as your priority so I would stay in the house with you and your daughter and not commit to living with this man at the moment and maybe look into it when she’s older.

Nobody is obliged to give up their secure tenancy until they're ready.

I was in OP's position. We made it work. Crammed into my tiny HA place for a few years and saved like mad. Got married. Child will go off to uni this year, and we'll buy with a hefty deposit.

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