To give up Housing Association house and buy house with partner?

[Housingquandary]

I live in a new build HA house with my daughter. It's a 2 bedroom and is very small but it's a nice quiet area and lots of schools nearby.
My partner is divorced and lives with his mum , he has started talking about living together and getting a bigger place together. My place is nice but it really is noticably crampled especially when he stays over. We don't live together and I do like my own space , I also am terrified of getting a mortgage and the financial burden and responsibility especially now as I'm in early 40s, but the idea of a bigger house is so appealing. Would I be mad to give up my house and do this? I was so lucky and grateful to get this house in the first place.
It's an ok size for me and my daughter but when he is here, it just feels cramped and not big enough for 3 people. I should also add we have been together for 2 years.

Definitely not. There is no reason why he can’t just get his own place and you visit, having 2 properties is always going to feel more spacious than one.

Unnecessary comment. Of course she needs it with a 10 year old daughter if she cannot afford otherwise.

This 💯

But even then I can’t imagine ever giving up a secure tenancy for a relationship.

I did this once - then marriage broke down and I was lucky enough (for various reasons) to be offered another HA. Hell will freeze over before I ever give it up again. The only difference was I wasn’t on the mortgage and I moved into his house with my dc1 and our dc.

But nope. You are bout to come up to the trickier teen years - don’t blur it by adding a step dad into the equation. Keep your space. If it really is tiny could you look at a small garden room or something for when your boyfriend comes round?

Why is he living with his mum?

The risk of things going wrong are high.
The costs to your and your daughter if things go wrong are huge.
Money costs and happiness and welfare of you both.
Nah! Stay put you can build a good life that will be even more fun as DD grows up.

How much could you -not him, you- put up for a deposit and the ongoing mortgage payments? Because if the amount is not substantial and doesn’t come close to the amount he contributes, then you would be making yourself very vulnerable in the event of a separation.

She's literally said that she can buy a house with partner.

No way would I give up a secure tenancy for a boyfriend. Any plans for marriage?

Absolutely do not do this. Funny how he is keen to buy with you as he’s living with his mum. He must have loads of savings from this arrangement so he can buy or rent his own place. It’s far too soon to do this and you have so much to lose. Also why can’t you carry on in your own place and he gets somewhere, no need to move him in especially as you have a child.

Sounds like your HA place is in a great location and you’d be foolish to give it up for any reason, especially for a short relationship with a man who needs somewhere to live. Call me distrustful but I’m sure the fact he is with his mum is part of this and living with you would probably be cheaper for him than getting his own place.

Please stay where you are and he gets his own place

But they aren't married and she is in secure housing. After only two years I wouldn't be buying a house with a man who hasn't lived independently since his divorce.

Absolutely no way. What’s the rush? Let him move out of his mums and get his own place and wait until your daughter is older. 2 years is no time at all, huge red flag he is living with his mum at 40!

Don’t do it. You have security a lot of mums would beg for.

If it is his plan to move his mother in later, what is his plan for caring for her as old age makes her less independent? Is he expecting @Housingquandary to be her primary carer?

I'd also be wondering how much he does around the house at his mother's place. Does he expect @Housingquandary to do everything his mother has been doing?

Agreed with the pp saying "Don't move until you can buy independently".

the OP could add the daughter to the tenancy if she wanted to when she is 18 so that they are both the tennancy

I don't see why a two bed house isn't big enough anyway. Can only echo what everyone else has said, don't give up your independence, encourage him to get his own flat. Let him prove to you that he's serious over the next few years, if he's not saving money or attempting to move out from his Mum's it doesn't bode well for you.

YABVVVVVU

Giving up your HA house, your daughters safe space, do you even have a deposit for a house?

Of course your house is cramped if he stays over. Theres an answer to that; dont have him staying over.

Prioritise your DC, not your want to have a bloke staying over. She might "get on with him" but thats a far cry from living with someone who isnt your parent. You are a parent first, and a GF last, and you're just a GF. And buying property with anyone is a huge step; especially when you have safe stable housing. You'd be absolutely mad to give that up for a bloke.

If the fella wants to move out of his mums, why doesnt he do that; rather than relying on you to provide him the opportunity. If he has the deposit, and the funds to buy a property, he should do that.

The two of you need security of tenure which you have. Don't give it up.
Don't put him on your tenancy.

No one falls in love as fast as a man who needs somewhere to live.
Bet this was all his idea, tell him to fuck off, you need your own space.

I’m in a very similar position OP. I’m currently living in a HA property with a secure/lifetime tenancy. I’ve been looking into shard ownership properties, and could probably afford it on my own. My partner is actually living with me in my HA house, but the tenancy is in my name only, and will remain so. I have a teenager from a previous relationship and we have a younger child together. Ultimately it’s going to depend on whether I pass the affordability assessment on my own. We’ve been together a few years, but I have the tenancy and a few thousand in savings in my name, whereas DP doesn’t. If the shared ownership is a no go on my sole income, then I’ll stay in my current property. We’ve been together a few years now, but I’m not prepared to jeopardise mine/my children’s security. I’ve also got no intention of marrying as I’m the one with more to lose.

^ THIS
you'd be mad to give up your tenentcy.

What was the reason for his divorce? Does he have his own children?

You really need to do a full back-ground check before moving a man you’ve only known 2 years in with your 10 year old daughter.

I’m always weary of men that go for single parents of young children. Whilst I think that it’s nice for the single parent not to be alone forever, I just don’t understand why anyone would want to take on someone else’s kid when there are so many footloose and fancy free women to choose from. I’d be careful that’s all.

Nope don't do it. I have a lifetime housing association tenancy and I told them they're only getting the keys back when I die lol.

What did you decide, op? @Housingquandary

Yeah this w

100% this. @Housingquandary What are you going to do? Please say you're not giving up your tenancy!

100% this. ^ @Housingquandary What are you going to do? Please say you are not giving up your tenancy!