To give up Housing Association house and buy house with partner?

[Housingquandary]

I live in a new build HA house with my daughter. It's a 2 bedroom and is very small but it's a nice quiet area and lots of schools nearby.
My partner is divorced and lives with his mum , he has started talking about living together and getting a bigger place together. My place is nice but it really is noticably crampled especially when he stays over. We don't live together and I do like my own space , I also am terrified of getting a mortgage and the financial burden and responsibility especially now as I'm in early 40s, but the idea of a bigger house is so appealing. Would I be mad to give up my house and do this? I was so lucky and grateful to get this house in the first place.
It's an ok size for me and my daughter but when he is here, it just feels cramped and not big enough for 3 people. I should also add we have been together for 2 years.

Do not give up your house. Partner can move out of mum's and into his own place, continue to date and you can stay over at his. I'd stick with that arrangement for another couple of years to be 100% certain that this is a lifetime commitment.

No don’t give up your freedom for a two year relationship. Why is he still living with mum @ 40 and does he have money saved for a share of the deposit.
Just use the excuse you want to save a bit longer for your share of the deposit.

So play for time to test his intentions.

This.

There is a thread on here just before Christmas, a lady did this and 6 months in he is cheating. She had no money, no furniture and no where to go with her children.

Don't give up your home for someone you've only been in a relationship with for approx 100 weeks

It is perfectly possible to have a loving and committed relationship without living together. Tell your partner to buy a small flat of his own near you.

This, OP, all day long!

Absolutely not. He can buy a place and you can stay there sometimes for a change, when your DD is grown up you may want to reconsider and you'll be very sure about the relationship by then but while you have a child to house, keep your secure tenancy by any means necessary.

The only reason you seem to be considering this is because it is cramped when he comes to stay. He could deal with this by getting his own place that is not cramped when you go to stay. Also, is that what you think or what he thinks? And if it is more cramped then why? He is only one more person. Is he messy? A manspreader?

Everything else you have listed is a negative.

My concerns are that he has not lived alone since the divorce. Why not? This smacks of a man who is used to the women in his life doing everything for him. I would not move in with someone who had not lived in their own place after the divorce.

Has marriage been mentioned? Where do you see the relationship going? How will finances be shared?

You have far more to lose than he does. If the relationship does not work out he can go home to mummy again. What would you do? If life would be much more difficult for you in the case of a relationship break down, then don't move in.

He lives with his mum because he’s divorced and has a nest egg? Do you? Is it going to be 50/50 and will you get married? How much are you planning on contributing, do you both work?

As pp state the house doesn’t just ‘pass’ to your daughter, she’s only 10.

Pp saying let him buy a house, you carry on dating then move in puts you at more risk if you move in to HIS house, aren’t married, your DD will be older, he’s not just going to pop you on the deeds then is he?! This is a worse option imo.

I don’t think two years is long enough though 🤷‍♀️ buy time, say you need to save.

Absolutely do not do this.

Your daughter’s security depends on you having affordable housing. If you break up it sounds like it would then be a financial strain. Or, even worse, he has bad behaviours that don’t come out until you buy together and at that point you then stay with him despite this because you can’t afford anywhere else to live.

Don’t do it.

I would not buy any property with a man unless you are married to him. It is setting yourself, and your daughter, up for disaster. Enjoy and be happy in your home. 💜

Hell no !

Stay where you are until you are married and/or secure that you are in a relationship that will last.

I would be very wary about moving in with someone in their forties who'd previously been living with their mother. Even if they don't mean to be, they tend to be oblivious/useless about household stuff. Their brain may be too liable to translate "woman" into "housekeeper and scullery maid". I'm sure there are exceptions, but my own experience has taught me that people need to live on their own for some time in order to develop good habits, like cleaning up after themselves and just noticing housework.

No I wouldn’t. But I guess that if you are in a relationship with someone, it’s reasonable for them to want to live together eventually. You never really know someone until you live with them, and i’d be worried that I gave up a secure tenancy and then found out his true colours. He wouldn’t be unreasonable though if he wasn’t happy you didn’t want to live together.

Difficult one and why I stayed single after I split up with DS2 and DD’s dad as I made the mistake of moving a man in with DS1 and it went to shit and did impact DS1. So i’ve been single for 15yrs (have had some casual relationships in that time so not been a nun, but my kids have no idea). DD my youngest is 18 next month so maybe in the future, but I think i’ll always live on my own. Not suggesting its unreasonable to have relationships when you have kids but guess i’ve been burnt by how my ex changed from such a nice guy to an arse.

If you can afford to buy then buy on your own, not with your new boyfriend. 2 years isn’t enough to really know someone and it’s not fair on your dd to move in a man she doesn’t know well.

Do not do it. 1. He is still with his mum i.e has not had what it takes to get his own accommodation yet - at what age? 2. He may be deliberately ''spreading'' himself out chez vous to help his argument. 3. Even lying down he should not take up more than about 2m x 1m x 1/4m - - so you should put up with that.

Hold on to your lovely independent life and carry on as you are, until he demonstrates to you what sort of independent life he can successfully live for himself. Otherwise you may be taking on a man child….a financial burden ….or someone who is using you for a step up to launch himself away from his mum.

Don’t let his tempting talk about a bigger house draw you in. If he wants a bigger house, he can get one for himself first.

Only when he is on an equal footing with you, can you consider if you really love and respect him enough and if your daughter would really benefit or not.
Dont risk what you have until you are much more certain.

Definitely not. Gains are minimal but risk huge. We all think relationship’s will last forever. Time and deeds show many don’t last. If he’s the one, he’ll still be the one when your DD 18. Then you can assign her your tenancy. If he’s not, you’ll have thrown away the security you both have for life.

I'm a retired homeless officer with a local authority. Don't do it! I've dealt with lots of women who have done just this and lived to regret it. You aren't married, your child isn't his. Are you working? Do you have enough income to pay the mortgage if you separated? Have you thought what you would do if that happened?
I understand that it's tempting but you have to think rationally, think of the worse case scenario and how you would cope.

No, wait til your daughter is 18 or done with uni. Can you afford to private rent in the event it doesn't work out? It sounds like he would have the option to go back to his mum's. Do you know why he and his ex split?

Sounds like a great place you have. I certainly wouldn't give it up. Especially as your daughter is settled. Agree with other posters...why is he living with his mum? ....

No don’t do it unless you get married or have financial security. You’ve only been together 2 years.
My friend did this, she was with him 4 years. Gave up her and her young son’s social housing home to move into HIS house. They split after 18 months and she ended up back at her mums for a year then ended up in a 2 bedroom flat not house

Your child should come first. So absolutely not. If you do, there's a good chance you'll be starting another thread in 2 years time, saying you want to leave because your teen and partner dont get along, but you have nowhere to go. You really need to be pragmatic here. Let him buy somewhere himself.

Don’t be bloody ridiculous. Such an unnecessary risk to your dd stability. If he has money to buy a house then he should buy one and you can visit.

he needs to sort his own life and house situation without expecting you to put in on rent or his mother to house him eternally.

Absolutely do not give up your house. It suits your needs perfectly.

Not sure which way the voting is but you would be unreasonable to give up your secure tenancy.