DH insisting I change my working hours

[OneTipsyRubyDreamer]

We have 3 DC. DH works full time 5 days a week. I work part time 2 days a week school
hours. DH has wanted me to move from part time to full time for years but now he’s suddenly started saying he “insists” that I need to ask my employer if I can go full time. I don’t want to go full time though. DH won’t stop going on about it and says he wants proof that I’ve asked my employer if I can go full time. I haven’t asked my employer about going full time because I don’t want to go full time but DH won’t take no for an answer though and he is putting a lot of pressure on me over it. He says things like “a lot of parents work full time so there’s no reason you can’t” but I don’t want to work full time! He can’t seem to understand the fact that I just don’t want to work full time and that I want to keep my current working hours for 2 days a week. AIBU?

Is he always this controlling?

Why does he want you to work full time?

Tell him if he wants you to work full time then he needs to go part time and take over the lion's share of the childcare! Should be a good jumping off point to start the broader conversation!

Do you need the money?

Not usually no.

Are you managing financially? Has he had the reality spelled out to him- after school care, household management etc?

Yes YABU. You can’t decide to go part time and be supported by your co-parent unless they are totally on board. What would you do if he decided to work part time?

I’ve tried that and he just keeps insisting that he wants me to go full time and that he would stay in his full time job too.

Do you need the money? Was it agreed that you’d be part time for a particular period?

You need a discussion and if possible a compromise, could you look to work 3 or 4 days a week instead?

It depends on how old the children are and on whether your husband is willing to tackle half the housework and to be contacted in the event of emergencies relating to the children.

He may not want to work full time either… could you afford for him to drop to 2 days a week (assuming he took on everything you do now)?

Do you as a family need more money?

He hasn’t given any proper reasons really. He has said before that “most parents work full time” so he “can’t understand” why I don’t work full time too!

Maybe he’s wondering why he has to work full time and you don’t?

Good. Why does he want you to do it then?
Does he realise working full time would mean more issues with school pick ups etc and after school activities? Is he going to do half?

How old are the kids?

Why does he want you to work full time? Is he stressed about money? Is he feeling burnt out and thinks you should take more of the work burden? Will he take on more of the home and family admin (I’m assuming you do most of it if you only work part time).

How old are the kids

Not particularly in my opinion, DH may disagree though.

I don’t want to work more days though.

He can insist all he likes. Regardless of the reasons like fuck would I tolerate any man 'insisting' I do anything!

Do you need to consider working full time for financial reasons? Why else would he want you to go full time?

Does he want to work full time? Have you talked through what the ideal split is for both of you re work/ home

but I don’t want to work full time

Reasons? Whats your justification?

Presumably you do all the DC admin, and house related activities? What does DH suggest happens to all of that?

We never agreed how long I would be part time for. I went part time after my first MAT leave.

What are his reasons for him wanting you to go full time and what are your reasons for not wanting to. Also, what are the plans he’s put forward for making all housework etc 50/50.

I’d like to not work at all, but that’s cloud cuckoo land. You don’t say any of the reasons why he’s insisting on this