DH insisting I change my working hours

[OneTipsyRubyDreamer]

We have 3 DC. DH works full time 5 days a week. I work part time 2 days a week school
hours. DH has wanted me to move from part time to full time for years but now he’s suddenly started saying he “insists” that I need to ask my employer if I can go full time. I don’t want to go full time though. DH won’t stop going on about it and says he wants proof that I’ve asked my employer if I can go full time. I haven’t asked my employer about going full time because I don’t want to go full time but DH won’t take no for an answer though and he is putting a lot of pressure on me over it. He says things like “a lot of parents work full time so there’s no reason you can’t” but I don’t want to work full time! He can’t seem to understand the fact that I just don’t want to work full time and that I want to keep my current working hours for 2 days a week. AIBU?

I think most of us would like to work 2 days a week, including your DH, doesn’t mean we all can.

Times have changed. Things cost less 11 years ago to now. The reality of having a family with 3 dependent children is different from just imagining it so I can’t blame anyone for changing their minds when reality set in.

What’s the point asking for advice and then being so vague it’s impossible to give it to you?!

Perhaps he thinks you need to have a better pension. Have better savings. They advise having six months salary ring fenced in case of emergency.

I tried that DH but DH still keeps mentioning it every single day.

You said he’d have to go part time if she went full time. He wouldn’t. It’s an odd thing to suggest.

I'd like to know whether your husband is prepared to be the main emergency contact for the children.

as of course, 2 full time working parent families don't do that kind of thing?

Actually, we don't know that. For all we know, she could similarly be saying "I don't wanna" to any task. The fact that she didn't use domestic labour and childcare as justification for not being able to work (which would be the most obvious thing) is, perhaps, indicative of the fact that there isn't much of that going on. Maybe there is a nanny, a cook and a gardener. We simply don't know, do we?

How much savings do you have? Do you rent or have your own house? How often do you go on holiday? While you might be enjoying life by working only two days your partner might be frustrated that even though he brings in a good wage he can’t afford nice things as your hardly contribute.

We are in Blackpool.

Not wanting to may not be an option. I worked ft as a single parent. I didn't want to but needs must etc.
How old are kids OP?
And if you worked ft, would you still get school holidays off?

I agree with your DH. It’s not fair that you get to work two days a week and he works five.

What if he decides he doesn’t want to work full time? He IBU to insist but YABU to just keep parroting that you don’t want to. Maybe he struggles with carrying the family finances and wants that to be more equal.

Why should he have to work full time and not you?

Yes if you have to. As a single parent you have to. You can do things different being two parents.

No that's fair - I think I was flitting between threads and assumed it. Maybe @OneTipsyRubyDreamer can enlighten us?

Would he be happy to take on half of the unpaid labour at home?

Childcare and looking after the house/running the house are also reasons that I don’t want to increase my days. But there are other reasons too.

I think you're both being unreasonable and not having a proper discussion. "I don't want to" isn't a very good answer. He can't insist you work FT just because he thinks so, and he needs to be ready to sit down and discuss the practicalities. I would venture that 3-4 days might be a workable solution, unless there's some more sinister motivation involved on his part. I don't think he's accounting for the other things you are doing and that he would now need to take on some of that.

Obviously, but it's one of the many parental duties that fathers often fail to take into consideration (in my experience).

When I was a Head of Department, I'd find that emergency contacts for children tended to be grandmothers, mothers, aunts... I'd only contact a parent who wasn't listed as an emergency contact (normally the father) if all else failed and it was imperative to get hold of someone as quickly as possible.

I'd find myself dealing with fathers who were surprised and often annoyed that they'd been interrupted at work.

He wants you to. You don't want to. You're married. A compromise needs to be made. By both of you.

We both work full time in senior roles and have two children. Depending on the emergency and what we have going on in our respective jobs we take turns to care for the children. What an odd thing to say G5000!

I had less hours at work then ours were young. Believe me I worked full time with my work and taking care of children and running our household. Luckily my DH agreed.

Where does your partner think he gets the right to insist on you doing anything?

he has no more agency in this matter than you do

What hours do you work on the two days you do?

What do you do the other 5 days? Are the DC in school/nursery M-F.

Who deals with the finances? Could your bills have increased and you are not aware? Do you have a joint account?

He clearly wants you to work more. Is it about your being at home or about the money?