DH insisting I change my working hours

[OneTipsyRubyDreamer]

We have 3 DC. DH works full time 5 days a week. I work part time 2 days a week school
hours. DH has wanted me to move from part time to full time for years but now he’s suddenly started saying he “insists” that I need to ask my employer if I can go full time. I don’t want to go full time though. DH won’t stop going on about it and says he wants proof that I’ve asked my employer if I can go full time. I haven’t asked my employer about going full time because I don’t want to go full time but DH won’t take no for an answer though and he is putting a lot of pressure on me over it. He says things like “a lot of parents work full time so there’s no reason you can’t” but I don’t want to work full time! He can’t seem to understand the fact that I just don’t want to work full time and that I want to keep my current working hours for 2 days a week. AIBU?

He’s saying that he still wants to keep his full time job even if I did go full time too.

So he can't give any real reasons why he wants you to work full time, but you also can't give a reason not to beyond "I don't want to"? You sound perfect for each other!

No no you must sit on your hands at home waiting for the school to call ;) ;)

Your youngest is still very young. How much would it cost for extra childcare if you worked FT?

2 days does seem a bit self-indulgent though. "Most" people (mums) don't work FT but they do work 3 or 4 days. I think you should consider 3 days if your employer would offer it.

My dad always wanted my mum to work full-time but he wouldn't have actually liked it in reality. She worked about 3 days a week but was self-employed so it fluctuated a bit.

She didn't suddenly announce she was dropping to two days a week though. What?

You haven't given any proper specific reasons why you shouldn't work full-time other than you don't want to.

(waiting for a huge drip feed...)

Well you kind of do ;) They go rushing off to social services if you don't reply within 40 minutes (well the school didn't but my son's childminder put that in her policy!)

I'm just waiting to find out that she does all childcare and domestic work, he does fuck all at home, and would ultimately continue to do fuck all when they both work full time.

Would you be happy if your DH swapped to part time hours because he didn’t want to work full time any more?

Because she's doing the lion's share at home and he's asking her to increase her working hours - so accordingly he needs to take over more of her home responsibilities. Not sure how that's tricky to understand?

Happy to but how does he plan with 3DC and 2 parents working full time?

Holidays? Sick children? Running a household?

What does he plan to step up with?

I would ask him that before I was happy with him.

You don't seem to know anything about your joint finances. Income and outgoings.

So never have to work full time again? Even when all the dc are capable to get to and from school?

I just don’t want to work more days and don’t think it’s manageable and we don’t have any current financial problems that would mean that I need to increase my days.

So in deciding to have children, it was agreed that you would work part time from that point forward, with no defined end?

Remind him of that, in clear terms. And ask him what has changed to mean it should be revisited.

Essentially you made a contract and now he wants to break it. If this was part of the deal, it’s possible you might not have agreed to have kids under different terms. If circumstances have changed then fair to revisit, but not reasonable otherwise.

It would of course be different if it hadn’t been discussed and agreed by both upfront.

This stands out to me and I believe you need the money for the house. 2 days a week school hours is very part time, things are more expensive these days. You’ll get tax free childcare and 30 hours free for your third DC and I can’t see why you can’t compromise and work 4 days school hours, you’re still part time, have school holidays off and still able to contribute more as you won’t be paying extra on childcare really.
You have to be realistic with your family finances

Well I think you are being very unreasonable, you only have one child who needs nursery. The other two go to school so really no reason you can’t atleast work 4 days if not 5days. I think 4 days would be a good compromise and still give you a day off to yourself to catch up on chores. You don’t say why you don’t want to work full time either?! I don’t have to work full time financially but I do currently as my current role is such that part time work is near impossible to find. Working 5 days is a slog with the kids if your partner doesn’t help share the chores. So I suggest you tell him what he would need to do at home to help you and then you do 4 days a week. Then you have a compromise and hopefully both of you are happy!

I have two DC 1 and 6 and I’m a single parent who works full time. It’s 100% doable!

We don’t currently have financial problems.

how do you know she does the “lion’s share” at home?

Depending on where you are (for example in England)... wouldn't working more mean funded childcare hours for your toddler?

A fair compromise is increasing your hours, but not to full time. 4 days school hours for example.

(Most people wouldn't work if they didn't have to, notcwanting is not a fair reason fir refusing)

I’d say I don’t want youngest in full time nursery lets discuss it again after they start school. And then if he brings it up remind him

Why don’t you think it’s manageable?

One of your children is still very young, so I can understand if you said you didn’t want to work more because of the childcare, but that doesn’t seem to be your reason.

”Because I don’t want to” makes you sound a bit like a princess, tbh, which is never a good look for a grown woman.

So you would be happy if your DH went part time, and you were FT?

Oh trust me I do the lions share!