DH insisting I change my working hours

[OneTipsyRubyDreamer]

We have 3 DC. DH works full time 5 days a week. I work part time 2 days a week school
hours. DH has wanted me to move from part time to full time for years but now he’s suddenly started saying he “insists” that I need to ask my employer if I can go full time. I don’t want to go full time though. DH won’t stop going on about it and says he wants proof that I’ve asked my employer if I can go full time. I haven’t asked my employer about going full time because I don’t want to go full time but DH won’t take no for an answer though and he is putting a lot of pressure on me over it. He says things like “a lot of parents work full time so there’s no reason you can’t” but I don’t want to work full time! He can’t seem to understand the fact that I just don’t want to work full time and that I want to keep my current working hours for 2 days a week. AIBU?

But it’s not just about what you want but what is best for the whole family. If he just wants to work two days can he?

most people don’t want to work full time but they still do if life means they need too.

The kids are 18 months, 6 years old and 11 years old.

It’s probably this

How old are your kids?

We have 3. I work 4 days a week and it’s too much. I’d like to work 3.

Totally dependent on your situation though, I am kinda with your husband if you’re just refusing to work more when they’re all at school!

I don’t understand why, if given the choice, you wouldn’t work full time and save up some pension money and become more self sufficient. Relationships don’t always last forever unfortunately… Unless you’re still looking after the kids FT 3 days a week? Though it sounds like not if you’re on school hours contract.

for me it would be far too unbalanced in a relationship if one of us was working PT whe it wasn’t needed for care reasons.

What was the agreement before you had the kids? Were you originally going part time for a defined period, or indefinitely?

What age are the kids... would there be childcare or logistic issues if you worked full time?

If your kids are all in school, I think it's fair enough that you would work.more than 2 days a week. He's obviously bearing the financial burden. Are there things you do.the other 3 days that you couldn't do if you worked more (things that actually contribute to.the household)

I'd love to work 2 days a week too, most people would. Maybe he'd prefer that too.

DH hasn’t given any proper specific reasons.

The why is important here. He may have good reasons like your pension contributions, not feeling a lot of financial pressure on paying for big bills or extensions or holidays or whatever.

If he has a good reason as to why, then you should probably do it. He might prefer to work 2 days over 5 too. But doesn’t because he has financial responsibilities.

Most people don’t want to work full time 🫣

How old are your kids? Why is that he has to work full time but you don’t?

You don't want to work full time? Neither does he, probably.

How old are your children? Best start sharing the house care and child care evenly so he knows what he is asking!

Speaking from my experience as a secondary HoD, I'd like to know whether your husband is prepared to be the main emergency contact for the children.

Is he also prepared to attend at least half of any school-related meetings, to ensure that the children are organised for school on a daily basis, etc?

Will he undertake to supervise homework and so on?

What's he proposing for childcare and school/nursery runs?

Is he going to take over 50% of the childcare and household chores if you go full time?

Are you having financial problems or is there debt? Could you compromise by taking another day or giving him a timeline when you will work more? Are things generally good with you both?

Indefinitely after my first MAT leave.

Why would he have to do that?

But that on its own isnt enough reason. I mean unless youre living off a trust fund and dont need money?

Would you be OK with it if he announced he was dropping to two days a week? If not that does not seem fair. You are meant to be a team. Neither of you should be demanding the other do anything, you should be able to discuss it like adults and come up with a plan that works for both of you.

I would quietly work out how much it would cost for childcare for the kids, and anything else you think is necessary. Then list all the jobs you currentlydo in your 3 days, so life admin, kids admin, housework, grocery shopping, cooking etc, kids bath/bed etc

the present him with the details, OK I go back full time and will, get xx. Childcare will now be yy, and whatever the other costs are, so the extra travel to work etc etc

Then the list of jobs and say right we need to split these in half as well so it’s fair, what do you want to do

then see if he changes his mind

I think in your position working 5 days a week school hours would be quite doable, 2 days only school hours is very part time do I do understand why he is confused as to why you work so little, unless your partner agrees it’s not reasonable to work so little

Why do you not want more days? You’re avoiding answering that particular question!

Being the emergency contact for kids doesn't mean you can't work