To not bail DD out with car damage

[brokenbiscuitsadness]

DD 18 is at college. She has a car and an earns a good wage from her part time bar job.
I try to have ongoing conversations with her about saving money but it goes in one ear out the other. She literally spends every penny she earns without any thought to the future/car maintenance/emergencies.

when it was really icy a few weeks ago her car skidded in the college car park, causing £600 worth of damage to another car.
Naturally she has now come to me begging for me to loan her the money as she doesn't have it and so she doesn’t have to go through her insurance. I suspect she will have also asked ExH to also help - he will probably give in.

if she was more sensible with money I would be willing to lend it to her but I am now so exasperated I want to say no. That way she will have to figure a plan out herself and hopefully start to consider see why it’s so important to put money aside

AIBU?

This is the only way she will learn to think about finances for the future. She is an adult, she is responsible for her own car.

The sensible thing to do would be to teach her what her insurance is for, and that you always use it when you have damaged someone else’s car. Slightly bemused anyone would wait weeks for your DD to come up with the money. I would have reported her long ago.

Lend it to her, but set strict repayment terms, include interest which I know won’t embed much but you could at least use it to start a savings pot for her.

she knows she doesn’t have to save - she has you and her dad as safety nets!

That’s what insurance is for.

She’s spending it on social life and ‘stuff’.

the owner of the car got a private quote for the work which has only just come back.

Of course I don’t want her premiums to rocket, I want to her to take on board responsibilities. She could easily have saved £600 in a 2/3 months and still have enjoyed herself. She has had this job for over a year and literally not saved a penny

Tell her to use her insurance.

I'm going to vote Yabu. Parents can still claim child benefit and uc top ups in this situation ( not saying you do personally), An 18 year old at college is still a dependent.
I'd be against not telling car insurance though tbh.

I’m probably too soft, but I think I would just lend it to her and get her to pay back a certain amount per month.

My parents always did this with me. I was terrible with money and even worse now. Perhaps don’t listen to me actually.

Although if Dad is going to lend it to her anyway, then you might as well.

I’d loan it to her, but a loan and i’d tell her that next time you will not bail her out and this is exactly why she shouldn’t spend 100% of what she earns. If you just hand her the money she will learn nothing.

I’d give it to her with the condition she sit down with me for a budgeting session and we work out a proper way for her to manage money. All teenagers should be taught how to properly manage money. If she doesn’t agree to that condition, no money.

Some things you learn the hard way, she should go through her insurance. You aren't there to bail her out of damage she caused, especially if you're subsidising stuff like her food, rent, bills etc.

Problem is we have been in this situation before, albiet not so serious. I thought I had got through to her and she promised she would start saving….but here we are.

Either a loan or nothing from me. And if she ‘defaults’ then something you pay for her gets cut until she’s paid up.

Also agree with a PP that clear advise on budgeting is needed now.
frame it as what is she going to do when her friends want to book a summer holiday and she has no money saved? You won’t be paying it.

so now is the time to learn about pots for bills, emergencies and fun money.

In that case I’d not loan her the money. She hasn’t learnt so no point repeating yourself.

The most responsible thing you can teach her is to follow the conditions of her insurance, which will be that she has to report any accident within X amount of time. One of the penalties for not doing so and then subsequently having someone make a claim against you can also be a rise in excess. She is on dodgy ground here. The right thing to do is to report it, yes her premium will rise but at the same time she did crash into another car, so that's the price we have to pay. Another thing to bear in mind is that people can make personal accident claims against you months after a crash as they need to gather medical evidence, she will be fucked if this happens as her insurer can cancel her policy due to not adhering to the terms, and then the claim would be against her.

Good point, she has just booked a summer holiday with a friend. I’m guessing she’s paid a deposit as there’s no way she’d have the full amount.

Tell her to go through the insurance company. That what it is there for and what we pay our premiums for.
Yes, her insurance may go up but it's the correct way. Be careful doing it cash/mate is doing it etc. If more damage is found, they will come back to your child and want more money.
Honestly, just let the insurance company deal with it.

Thankfully the car was parked and no one was in it but point definitely taken

I wouldn’t be lending her anything - she has insurance so she needs to use it.

She needs to put this through her insurance. It shouldn't be up for debate.

She sounds like she needs a kick up the backside with money, she needs to go through insurance, learn how to budget and even save a little each month even if it's £20.
Bailing our adult kids out for every little thing [not referring to you OP] does NOT do them any favours in the long term.

As others have said it's best to let the insurer deal with it. They'll have to be told about the accident anyway so you could pay for the repair and still be hit with a hike in premiums. Non disclosure may invalidate insurance and isn't worth the risk.

If you want to evaluate costs your daughter could ask the insurer what effect it will have on premiums with and without you funding the repair, and then take a view.

just occurred to me that even if she does go through insurance her excess is £400 which she won’t have