To not bail DD out with car damage

[brokenbiscuitsadness]

DD 18 is at college. She has a car and an earns a good wage from her part time bar job.
I try to have ongoing conversations with her about saving money but it goes in one ear out the other. She literally spends every penny she earns without any thought to the future/car maintenance/emergencies.

when it was really icy a few weeks ago her car skidded in the college car park, causing £600 worth of damage to another car.
Naturally she has now come to me begging for me to loan her the money as she doesn't have it and so she doesn’t have to go through her insurance. I suspect she will have also asked ExH to also help - he will probably give in.

if she was more sensible with money I would be willing to lend it to her but I am now so exasperated I want to say no. That way she will have to figure a plan out herself and hopefully start to consider see why it’s so important to put money aside

AIBU?

I can’t see that anyone can earn a good wage from a part time bar job.

It’s important to learn about budgeting and it’s also important to learn that accidents have to be reported to the insurance company.

I was involved in an accident in September when I was stopped at lights, and a woman drove smack into the back of me.
She begged to sort it out between ourselves, but I said no and reported it to the insurance company. Any increase in her premiums are exactly her issue.

I'm amazed the other person agreed to sort it privately honestly.

Her work ethic isn’t in question but she needs to learn how to handle the money she earns. When does being frivolous at 18 turn into a leech at 30 who still expects parents to bale them out?

I'd lend it to her.

Madness isn’t it? A pp on here gleefully saying ‘she needs to learn a lesson, just wait til her premiums go up, that’ll teach her’!
Who actually rejoices at the thought of their child’s life getting so much harder as she had an accident and her mum won’t help her. And I don’t get all the op’s that have decided that if she does help her ever, then that definitely means that she’ll be living at home jobless and hopeless and entitled for the rest of her life. My parents have helped me throughout my life, like I help them. My and my siblings help each when we’re in need. We thought we were being a loving family, apparently not on here 😂

She doesn't need £400 for the excess because she's not claiming for any damage to her own vehicle, so there won't be any legal action or any reason for anyone to refuse to reinsure her.

It worries me how little people seem to know about how their car insurance actually works 😬

My DD is 27, at 18 she was an idiot but Uni, a FT NHS job, in a relationship... kids mature.
At 18 with a job, she doesn't sound toooo frivolous.

Always good to remember we were all young once.

OP, if you bail her out fully with this you'll end up bailing her out for the balance of her upcoming holiday aswell.
It'll be taken as an assumption rather than a favour.
Is your ex husband a soft touch with bailing out your DD , or are you both on the same page?

In fact if I could afford it. I'd give it to her.

Part of being a loving family is also teaching your children to stand on their own two feet and not expect mummy and daddy to bail them out constantly.

If she's old enough to drive and have a job, she's old enough to deal with her own car accident and insurance claim.

Yes sorry, you re right.... hangs head in shame!😥

But i still think subject to affordability, the OP should at least help her out.... with some of the money.

Lend it to her, with a repayment plan. But only on the condition that after she repays it she gives you x amount of her wages each month to save for her.

I find it puzzling that many young people are considered adult enough to own and drive a car. But not adult enough to take responsibility for it, ie pay for things that go wrong like accidents. That doesn't add up to me.

Totally with you. I couldn't afford to run a car at 18 so I...didn't have a car at 18. I'd never in a million years have expected my parents to pay to make my life more convenient.

She is careless all round. You could either lend her the money but she has to repay double that amount before her holiday, or not lend her the money and insist she goes through the insurance.

I bet she does have it really. It will probably be a week or two before she needs to pay

You would make her pay you back double? Really?

Oh.

I did not know that - that’s weird

appolgises to who said it

She’s got a job, a car, goes to college and is going on holiday with her friends. What part do that suggests to you she has no independence? And you only saying no to your child in need is going to teach them?

I’m not heartless, like I said if I knew she was reasonably sensible with money. I would help her in a heartbeat. But this is just another corner she has backed herself into when she suddenly realises she has no money.

yes it’s a part time job but she earns GOOD money with excellent tips on top. She should easily be putting some away without denting her social engagement requirments!

Wouldn’t be guiding her to use her car insurance also be a good life lesson?

Agree. And my parents would never in a million years have bailed me out. It wouldn't have occurred to them. But that was the 70s and 80s. I know things are different now.

Well, if she can do all of those things, she can sort her own car insurance claim, can't she?

Saying "no" will teach her that if she wants to be considered grown up enough to drive and run a car, she needs to also be responsible for the boring stuff - insurance, MOT, repairs and maintenance.

For me it was only in the late 2000's - maybe my parents were old-school, haha.

Time for tough love I agree.