To not bail DD out with car damage

[brokenbiscuitsadness]

DD 18 is at college. She has a car and an earns a good wage from her part time bar job.
I try to have ongoing conversations with her about saving money but it goes in one ear out the other. She literally spends every penny she earns without any thought to the future/car maintenance/emergencies.

when it was really icy a few weeks ago her car skidded in the college car park, causing £600 worth of damage to another car.
Naturally she has now come to me begging for me to loan her the money as she doesn't have it and so she doesn’t have to go through her insurance. I suspect she will have also asked ExH to also help - he will probably give in.

if she was more sensible with money I would be willing to lend it to her but I am now so exasperated I want to say no. That way she will have to figure a plan out herself and hopefully start to consider see why it’s so important to put money aside

AIBU?

Yabu.
If she won’t save then you need to do more than just tell her to save.
Spend some time showing her how to do a budget, sit with her to research savings accounts.

I think she should call her insurance company…don’t give her money to repair the car. This is a teaching moment that having savings gives you options. Because she has no savings, she has no option but to go to her insurance company. It’s a teachable moment.

otherwise she will think why save when I can be bailed out?

I would want her to do the right thing and report it to her insurance company. I might then be prepared to help her out with the inevitable higher premium.

Don't lend it to her - you'll never get it back or have lots of arguments trying. She obviously hasn't grown up yet and still thinks parents can be relied on to get her out of all sorts of scrapes while she fritters her money away on enjoying herself. She's an adult and needs to learn what that involves, otherwise you'll be lending her money ad infinitum.

It’s not weird at all.

To drive, you are legally obliged to have insurance which pays for any damage you might cause in your vehicle. This stops people causing damage or injuries and then claiming they have no money to pay for it.

EVERY time you have an accident or incident in your car you need to report it to your insurance company - that is the law!!!

She earns GOOD money with excellent tips on top. She should easily be putting some away without denting her social engagement requirments!

And how much of this "good money" is she contributing to the household ...?

Correcting myself. Of course, she won't pay the excess, her insurance company will

She needs to go through her insurance, OP

Earlier when i explained what can happen if you don’t report an accident within X amount of time you said ‘point taken’, then you demonstrated that you also don’t know how insurance works re excess payments. So, reading the policy is vital. Her insurance may be voided if she doesn’t do exactly what they state she must do and the other party ends up reporting it to claim, which they can still do.

Im not averse to helping adult children and I would give mine money if they needed it, but in order to teach responsibility you really do need to make sure she follows the terms and conditions of her insurance policy to the letter. She isn’t going to learn anything other than dishonesty by covering this up in order to protect her premiums.

I do agree with things like MOT/Repairs, no i wouldn't help out, she can walk or catch a bus.
But Car insurance claims on an 18yo, will hit her extremely hard for many years to come.

It increased premiums by about 50% for a friends son when he claimed as a teenager.

I wouldn't want to lump that on my child.

Yep, it will hit her hard - that's the consequence of skidding on ice and having an accident, unfortunately. She can't afford to pay for the repairs directly so her only choice is to go via her insurance and pay the increased premiums.

She can use her insurance or cancel the holiday and use that money to pay for the damage.

I know how you feel, I'd probably lend it to her with a repayment plan of 3 to 4 months.

Time for tough love, I think. She needs to learn. She's more than old enough to understand that having savings is crucial. Most of us learn this in our early teens. She'll just keep burying her head in the sand if you always help her.

I’m not sure it is the law, just part of the contract you have with your insurance company.

You have to let her figure it out. This is all part of owning a car. The responsibility, the headache, admin, unexpected costs. The only way to changed behaviour especially with money is consequences.

I’d lend it. It isn’t as if she’s spent the money knowing she would need it. It’s a £600 expense she wasn’t expecting.

Can she get by without the car? If so I'd be looking at selling it to cover the cost of the repair to the other car.
Don't bail her out, she has to learn that she's earning money and that has to cover her costs. Whilst the accident was unfortunate, she can't just expect someone else to cover the costs involved! Particularly when she's just booked a holiday.
It's better to learn now that money doesn't grow on trees.......

This every time.

Even if she decides not to claim through her insurance company she must tell them. Makes more sense to make the claim though.

Make her claim on the insurance. She needs to learn her lesson. If her dad gives it her so be it. Do you have the £600 to give her.

Exactly

I think this is quite a good point actually.
Job
College
Passed her test
She's doing better than most
OP I'm guessing you bought her the car? Or did she save?

I would help her out

I bought her car and pay half her insurance

I’d lend it. It isn’t as if she’s spent the money knowing she would need it. It’s a £600 expense she wasn’t expecting.

Anyone with a 15 year old car should be expecting expenses at some point! I've actually come to the conclusion that most 18 year olds (not all) are not responsible enough to take on ownership of a car. I certainly couldn't afford it at 18 and I had no idea about insurance/car tax/MOT/repairs/servicing/breakdown cover even though I'd passed my test.

Can she prove that, because she’s an incredibly unreliable witness if in 3 months someone says the were sat in the car and the insurer now knows your daughter to be a person to lie by omission as she didn’t report the accident at the time…