To not bail DD out with car damage

[brokenbiscuitsadness]

DD 18 is at college. She has a car and an earns a good wage from her part time bar job.
I try to have ongoing conversations with her about saving money but it goes in one ear out the other. She literally spends every penny she earns without any thought to the future/car maintenance/emergencies.

when it was really icy a few weeks ago her car skidded in the college car park, causing £600 worth of damage to another car.
Naturally she has now come to me begging for me to loan her the money as she doesn't have it and so she doesn’t have to go through her insurance. I suspect she will have also asked ExH to also help - he will probably give in.

if she was more sensible with money I would be willing to lend it to her but I am now so exasperated I want to say no. That way she will have to figure a plan out herself and hopefully start to consider see why it’s so important to put money aside

AIBU?

Insurance.
You can loan her the excess.
Not reporting an incident to insuramce cam cause trouble

No, this is what insurance is for

Then should she be driving at all?

Another life lesson - always make sure your excess is affordable!!

Does she borrow money often op? Honestly she’s 18 and at college. Were we all really that sensible that we were putting away savings and emergency funds when we were teenagers? I know I wasn’t. Of course she’s spending it on social things! She’s managed to get her license, a car, a job and she’s in further education! And she’s still a teenager. If it was any of mine I’d help them out in a heartbeat, they wouldn’t even need to ask

So this is her second attempt at a bailout.

Nope. She didn't learn the first time and she won't learn now if you bail her out again.

If she can't budget, she doesn't get to have things like a car and so on.

She really needs to report this to her insurance. She's going to have to come up with her deductible.

Yes I’m probably too soft but at that age a £600 bill would have floored me. If she’s a full time student I’m not sure how much she can expect to save from a bar job (I presume on minimum wage), if she is also paying for day to day expenses. It’s a good learning exercise - if you loan it and get her to pay it back.

She was given the car as a present and half her insurance is paid

What your ex does is up to him. I’d ask her to sit down with you and talk through her plan - where she does all the talking and you do the listening. At the mo it’s a bit drama and then big ask, that can be slowed down and she can talk you through what happened, what she things should happen, what’s viable, etc

At that age even as a saver I wouldn’t have had £600 or £400. And that would have been every penny I owned if I did. Perhaps offer to split the excess with your exH?

my parents would have paid and then taken the car off me.

Yes. I wouldn’t have expected her to pay for it all. Not many 18 year old could afford anything like that. But it’s a kind but normal thing to do as a parent. It’s not like she pissed £600 up the wall at the bookies and now can’t pay her rent, she had a car crash. I think she’s getting a tough time on here. You know her best though

I too would tell her to use her insurance. If you don't report being in an accident when taking out a new policy or renewing an existing one, and the insurer later finds out you lied, they can cancel the policy. Then you have the fun of trying to get another insurer and they always ask "have you ever been refused insurance..."

Ask her to come up with a loan repayment and savings plan that you are happy with

Not claiming on insurance can be a recipe for disaster when involving a 3rd party. You have to declare the accident anyway.

Other than that I don't think 18 yr olds should be expected to save money

She won't have to pay an excess unless she's claiming for damage to her own car.

Tell her you’ll give her one-third, the other £400 will need to come from her. If you make her life too easy, she will expect it in future.

Neither of you really seem to understand how insurance works. I suggest reading policy.

She has to tell her insurance company regardless, BTW.

So she can afford to go on holiday but not pay for insurance excess

on the fence for this

first time driver and a claim and insurance will rocket so get why to do it privately

but

she needs to learn to be responsible and pay back money to you before holiday or any going out

I have a 18yr old DD. She is doing a degree whilst working so i can relate. 18 yr old girls know how to spend money, sheesh do they know how to spend money.

BUT we have always insisted she budgeted for things her entire life. If she wanted things when she was younger she was allowed to take it out of savings on the provisor she paid it back into her savings. There have been some painful lessons over the years with a young girl who struggled with the concept. This stood her in good stead. She recently paid her £1000 insurance renewal off over 3 months so it was dealt with quickly. She buys clothes off vinted and also sells a lot on vinted, often getting more back than what she paid. She booked a trip to dubai the other day and has very clear repayment process in place for it.

I wonder why people think that hitting 18 is suddenly going to flick a switch with their children to become sensible with their money and understand how much work it takes to budget for stuff. Its either a slow long term process or a massive shock that can sometimes end up with owing a lot of money

Oh and i would lend my daughter the money to cover this. But she wouldn't be able to spend a penny on 'other stuff' until it was paid back. There wouldn't be any misunderstanding

What do you mean?

But how would you police that?

If your DD uses her insurance she won't need to pay any excess unless she's also claiming for her own damage. Excesses are only payable if it's your own car that needs fixing.

This happened to me when I was 18. I said I'd go private for a few hundred but then when the garage started the work I was told it'll be more like 2k. I only then let my insurance know. Luckily still covered but lesson learned.
No. At 18 she sorts it with insurance and pays the excess and increased premiums. Thats how life works. Youre not doing her any favors by helping her out, she needs to learn the value of money.

I wouldn’t because insurance will cover it and she’ll learn when she has to pay an increased premium next year.