To not bail DD out with car damage

[brokenbiscuitsadness]

DD 18 is at college. She has a car and an earns a good wage from her part time bar job.
I try to have ongoing conversations with her about saving money but it goes in one ear out the other. She literally spends every penny she earns without any thought to the future/car maintenance/emergencies.

when it was really icy a few weeks ago her car skidded in the college car park, causing £600 worth of damage to another car.
Naturally she has now come to me begging for me to loan her the money as she doesn't have it and so she doesn’t have to go through her insurance. I suspect she will have also asked ExH to also help - he will probably give in.

if she was more sensible with money I would be willing to lend it to her but I am now so exasperated I want to say no. That way she will have to figure a plan out herself and hopefully start to consider see why it’s so important to put money aside

AIBU?

It is right. You pay an excess to repair your own vehicle only.

The excess is for accidental damage to the policyholders car only, if the claim is only for the damaged parked third party car then the insured makes no payment. It will however affect her ncd and claims history

Nope. That's not how it works.

I had an at-fault accident last year. I didn't pay a penny as I didn't need to repair my car (it was just scuffed). My insurers covered everything.

@Blondeshavemorefun the PP is correct, if someone else claims for their repairs against your insurance you do not pay the excess, but your premiums will increase in future. The excess is only payable towards any repairs to your own vehicle. This has been the case in insurance for many many many years.

I think it’s refreshing to read a post on MN where the parent isn’t bailing out their adult offspring.

Daily, we read how parents (usually mums) are at their wits end because their 30 year old “child” is living rent free, demanding their time/money/use of their car, can’t do basics like washing or ironing and the poster wants help before they need to ask them to leave.

In your situation, those people would have sent the money immediately and probably rounded it up to £1000 so the poor soul could treat themselves to make them feel better.

You're being a good parent, and typically that’s the harder road to go. But it’ll be so good for your daughter to learn a lesson now. Insurance is there to protect all parties, she should go through them.

@brokenbiscuitsadness I would be most surprised if it wasn't in the Insurance Contract your daughter signed that she MUST let HER Insurance Company know if she has been in an accident whether or not she was intending to claim.

Don't understand why the other party agreed to deal with it via their own garage and independently of their Insurance? Maybe they weren't insured?

Either way, she needs to tell the Insurance company. And get them to pay for the repair. Don't lend her money!. She needs to learn

if she was more sensible with money I would be willing to lend it to her but I am now so exasperated I want to say no. That way she will have to figure a plan out herself and hopefully start to consider see why it’s so important to put money aside

I think you're right to say no, It would be different if this was the first time she'd come to you. Explain the options and let her choose what to do, if your ex is stupid enough to bail her out I'm not sure there's anything you can do. Whatever she chooses to do she should be paying the cost herself, it might actually teach her to value the money she has earnt.

What is she going to do if something goes wrong with the car, who does she expect to pay for that?

I know of a few young people who have had minor crashes in their car, in all cases the parents have bailed them out so they don't need to go through insurance. I think they're mad, I think it would do young drivers good to see what a ball ache it is dealing with insurance companies, it might make them more careful.

She is 18yo, living her life! I'm not defending her attitude but hell, when i was 18yo, it was spend spend spend!!

At least she has a strong work ethic, many 18yo's wouldn't even have a job plus she damaged her car on ice, not doing handbrake turns in a car park.

If you can afford to, lend her the money or at least help her out, if she goes through Insurance, she'll be paying for it for years to come.

You not helping wont suddenly change her outlook on money, what it will do is make her resent you.

If you can afford to, lend her the money or at least help her out, if she goes through Insurance, she'll be paying for it for years to come.

Oh well. That's life.

I don't mean that to sound nasty, but that's the point of paying for insurance - so they deal with all of this for you.

Absolutely must go through insurance otherwise its failure to notify of an accident.

Suppose it depends how rich you are. My parents wouldn't have been able to afford to do it for me, and I'd never have asked, and from the age of 16 they couldn't give me any money, before anyone acts like parents should always give their adult offspring cash. But I had lots of friends who would have expected to get money. One really played her parents against each other when they split up because she was mad about it-and her dad in particular was happy to go along with this to wind up his ex. Obviously don't know whether this applies to you OP, but you know your own situation and do mention your ex.

I think this is perfect.

She has no money set aside for car repairs - I’ve given up trying to tell her cars go wrong! Her car is 15 years old and needs looking after.

she also refuses to pay for breakdown cover, again told her until I’m blue in the face the risk of her breaking down in the middle of nowhere (we are rural).I think her assumption is that either ex or I (mainly me) will drop everything to rescue her.

Learning how to budget is something children need to learn from parents, when they are young. My son has always been encouraged to spend half his pocket money and save the rest (the same with Christmas and Birthday money). At 15, he's now savvy with money and has a healthy bank balance.
My son won't be given a car when the time comes, he will be expected to pay for it himself (the same as I had to and my husband too). We will pay for driving lessons and his insurance.

The only way your daughter is going to learn is by you saying No, and going through her insurance. You and your ex, should really be on the same page, otherwise when you say No, she'll go straight to Dad. It's not teaching her anything by bailing her out. She'll just think that you or Dad will continually bail her out when she gets into strife.

I appreciate she's only 18, and no, we don't automatically become responsible adults as soon as we hit 18. However, she's got to learn to take responsibility for her finances at some point, otherwise she'll be 30, and still coming to you.

@Silvers11 Her excess is £400, so as she has no money... i don't get the logic in lumbering your own kids with years of increased expense for a minor accident, thats not their fault.

At 18, she could even be refused insurance, then what?

I’d just pay, I think she’s doing really well to be driving, have a car, a part time job and studying at college at age 18.

Not declaring an accident can invalidate your insurance and that's a huge load more grief!!

The accident was her fault.

And of course she's not going to be refused insurance over one claim - she'll just have to suck up the increased premiums for a few years.

This is incorrect. The excess covers all 'at fault' claims. Here, OP's daughter is at fault, she would pay the excess.

im the opposite - I saved every penny and had a breakdwon from stress when I didnt spend money I needed to spend

She still needs to inform them even if she doesn’t claim. Her insurance is invalidated if they ever find out she hasn’t reported an accident.

I would be tempted to tell her she would have to get a bank loan!

Just out of interest, does she pay you rent? Wondered if you could charge her rent and pop it into a savings jar in case she ever has something like this again!

Nope, it very much IS correct, actually.

Your excess covers damage to your own vehicle, whether you're at fault or not. If you're not at fault, you claim your excess back from the other party as part of your claim.

On Ice? its not really anyone's fault.

The point is, she hasn't got £400 for the excess.

So regardless of what she goes through, she could be facing legal action to recover the £400.... that will mean the insurance company will refuse to reinsure her.

This!

Fgs she's 18. Insurance costs a fortune at that age as it is her premiums will rocket. Just at least pay half with the proviso she starts saving to cover future bumps.