DH invited PILs on our annual holiday

[Whatinthedoopla]

DH invited his parents on our annual leave destination. This is a holiday we take as a mini family, no one else is ever invited, and he went on to invite them without consulting me.

I really don't mind going with them, as long as I get another time in the year to still go on a mini family holiday.

The issue is, money I tight, so we won't get this opportunity until the year after.

Should I just keep quiet and let them come with us? Or do we book and pretend they weren't ever invited?

no one else is ever invited

So, why did he invite them?!

What do you mean by book and pretend they weren't invited? He's already invited them hasn't he?

Have they said yes? If so I don’t think you can pretend they were never invited! Your DH will have to man up and uninvite them somehow. He shouldn’t have invited them without asking you.

What’s a mini family holiday by the way?

Do you have youngish kids? If so I'd take the opportunity to use the IL for some quality evenings out/time out with just you and DH.
I can see some big advantages...

The issue is that they don't give us time for me and DH to go out alone, there would be no benefits

Just go with it - and suggest he asks you first next time.

Sorry, I should have explained. What I mean by mini holiday is that it's just me, DH and children

What was DH reason for inviting them if theres no benefit? Presumably he wants them to come?

He needs to uninvite them. You cannot pretend the invitation did not happen!

I'd be absolutely fuming. The utter wanker.

I think I'd be having a conversation with him about assumptions and what decisions need to be made jointly as a team rather than one person making a unilateral call. I loved my in laws, I would not have been happy to spend my only holiday of the year with them 100% of the time. People can want very different things from holidays so inviting others along can completely change your holiday experience and few of us can afford to repeat!

oh hell no.

yes, he needs to tell them that actually no it won't work and you'll just be booking for your family and not PIL.

Start talking up how lovely it'll be to have them there to help and how you're looking forward to heading out for meals with DP in the evening

This would be a hard no from me.

Before you book anything have a chat and talk about how much you're looking forward to them babysitting and having some childfree time. If/when they look horrified and say that's not what they want in a holiday then suggest it's better to holiday separately.

ExDP invited some friends on our family holiday without asking me. I was fuming. He knew I would be I am sure so I expect that's is why he didn't ask me first.

Note the 'ex'.

I think you might have to let them come this time since they’re already invited, but let your husband know you want to go as just a family next time. Really shit that he didn’t run it past you first. Sort of thing my partner would do.

So have they been on holiday with you before - you say they don't give you & DH any time out together?

Hasn't there been any conversation at all between you & DH about them going on holiday with you?

How do you get on with them in general?

Isn't that a normal family holiday? I'm not sure how that's mini

My dh did this once- invited his mate and wife away with us. I went mental at him and am still pissed off about it now 10 years later.

If you're certain you don't want the PILs to join your holiday (and I certainly wouldn't want mine along!), then it's worth an awkward conversation, and some possible frostiness for a while, to tell them it's not happening. Really, it should be DH's responsibility to rescind the invite, since he's the one who made it, but realistically, it may need to be you @Whatinthedoopla who does the deed, in case he ends up inviting them to move in with you instead!

I would simply say "I understand DH mentioned you guys joining us on our family holiday this year? Unfortunately it won't be possible this time, I'm really looking forward to spending this holiday with just the 4/5/6 of us. Anyway, who fancies a cup of tea..." Then run away and let DH deal with any fallout!

Oh my husband inadvertently did this a few years ago, I was so annoyed. It was meant to be our only holiday and it was certainly not a holiday. PILs booked tables for every breakfast and dinner so our entire schedule was decided by them. They also wanted to see in our hotel room which felt intrusive and invited themselves along with a bottle. DH and I are also quite active on holiday but his mum, in particular, is quite unfit and can't walk long distances or at speed yet they'd want to come on every walk with us so what would have been an active hill walking holiday became a slow stroll with lots of small talk. That was meant to be our only holiday and it upset me that neither DH or ILs gave that a thought. In my case, I decided to extend the holiday after they left but I know you're not in a to position to do that. If you don't feel able, your husband needs to sort it. I know my mum would be mortified if she thought she was intruding so hopefully they understand.

No. Insist he asks you first next time.

Why did he do that? What did you say to him when you told him? You can't just book and pretend you didn't invite them, but if they haven't booked yet your DH can uninvite them which is what he should do.

I would tell DH that I had no intention of holidaying with his parents. He could explain his mistake to them, or go on holiday with them alone.

Practically though, let’s say he’s offered Majorca in August. You tell PILS you aren’t doing that now. Then you go to Cyprus in October.

I would rather save the money and delay my holiday.