DH invited PILs on our annual holiday

[Whatinthedoopla]

DH invited his parents on our annual leave destination. This is a holiday we take as a mini family, no one else is ever invited, and he went on to invite them without consulting me.

I really don't mind going with them, as long as I get another time in the year to still go on a mini family holiday.

The issue is, money I tight, so we won't get this opportunity until the year after.

Should I just keep quiet and let them come with us? Or do we book and pretend they weren't ever invited?

I would be absolutely livid. I get that he wants to spend time with his parents, but this should have been a joint decision.

I would book for just my own family, and tell DH they are not coming.

Given this extra info it’s outrageous he invited them along.

Do they know they will have to pay for themselves?

If he wants to spend time with them he can visit them, and sleep on the sofa if they don't have a spare room.

I can understand why OP is cross with her husband - I wouldn't be pleased if my DH invited his children/grandchildren to come on holiday with us without consulting me!

However, just one thought - maybe he loves his parents and wants to spend some quality time with them and, erroneously as it turns out, assumed OP would be happy with it?

He’s really not sounding like much of a catch here op.

is he one of those guys who ‘likes tradition’ but by that he means he gets to make all the decisions, you are on childcare and housework, but these ‘traditions’ don’t actually extend to him being the breadwinner?

This is the solution.

Stupid of DH.

The attitude towards inlaws though on here! PILs were invited and they accepted. That doesn't mean that they need to be manipulated into babysitting (surely OP wants to spend this time with her kids?) and they don't deserve to be uninvited either.

Just go, make the best of it, and have DH make it up to you in other ways. If you can't come to terms with it then you'll end up spoiling the holiday for yourself, and have a load of drama before you go.

Maybe not relevant but I’m quite interested what his own debt is. Is it stuff he bought that only benefited him? Did he do this before you got together or after?

If I’m left paying for big expenses due to his crappy financial decisions I’d be annoyed someone changed the set up of the thing I’m paying for. If that makes sense.

We do long weekends, 3 nights max in UK with PIL or my parents.

Would not want to do anything more than that, and would certainly not want my main summer holiday to include any grandparents, purely from fact you end up having to parent your own parents as well as the kids.

So you don’t have joint funds?

This should definitely be a secondary holiday to your family holiday as this will be catered to suit PIL - things they are able to do, things they would like to do, places they would like to see and where they would like to eat. It’s not ideal when you have active DC who will expecting their usual fun-filled holiday.

I wouldn’t be happy about this at all.

Find your ‘ideal’ holiday and list down all the activities that you’re planning to do, research these as they may sound okay at first but actually include a walk over rough terrain to get to it etc… and before you book anything sit with your ILs and tell them the holiday schedule. Throw in a few shockers! They can then have some time to think if they actually want to be included in this or not.

Ask them to?

If you accept they are coming you need to be very clear that they need to pay for themselves for all aspects of the holiday- flights, accommodation, food and outings.

No benefit, well except spending time as a family and the grandkids having time with their GP's. Very transactional OP

I really don't think you can uninvite them. It would be mean and very rude, and would never be forgotten. It's only one year, I think you will have to suck it up. Maybe the focus should be on improving the family income so that you can maybe get a second holiday.

That's not much of a conversation, considering he didn't consult you!

Surely both of you are a family so both pay?

I thought this too. We’ve had 3 holidays abroad and a UK short break with extended family in the past 2 years and it was about spending time with people I love and whose company I thoroughly enjoy.

I don’t think it’s a one person decision to depart from the norm though, so he should have suggested it first. Maybe if he’s hard up he’s hoping they’ll chip in?

This might be the way

They only chip in to make his life easier, not mine.

So weird! Not a lot you can do really but if you’re in close proximity to your IL’s at night then I would think saying no to any sexual contact with your husband during the holiday for fear of the IL’s hearing / seeing should ensure he doesn’t do it again next year.

I an probably reaching here but it suggests to me a boundary less type situation where a normal family holiday is not seen as such and op is made to feel unreasonable by in laws. S perhaps husband for wanting this.

Why are you so passive though, why is he in charge?

i don’t think you are unreasonable OP to be unhappy about this. I always thought that as a matter of principle these decisions should be joint and yes, it applies to you as well even if you are paying.
How did this happen? If it was about the place can you change plans and go to a different one and just say that you are not going there anymore. If it’s about spending time with you it’s trickier.
I would also worry that it would set some sort of expectations to holiday together again.

By the way I wouldn’t trust your DH uninviting them, I would want to be there when it happened to make sure that it’s clear for everyone. Because he showed lack of judgment already by inviting them on holiday without consulting you first.

Hang on though, were you seriously expecting to go on 2 holidays this year (potentially with your DH paying for in-laws for one), when your DH is low earning and in debt? That doesn’t make any sense.

Surely the issue here isn’t the in laws- it’s whether you can afford to go on holiday at all?

Can’t your DH spend time with his parents either at your house or at theirs?