DH invited PILs on our annual holiday

[Whatinthedoopla]

DH invited his parents on our annual leave destination. This is a holiday we take as a mini family, no one else is ever invited, and he went on to invite them without consulting me.

I really don't mind going with them, as long as I get another time in the year to still go on a mini family holiday.

The issue is, money I tight, so we won't get this opportunity until the year after.

Should I just keep quiet and let them come with us? Or do we book and pretend they weren't ever invited?

“I really don't mind going with them, as long as I get another time in the year to still go on a mini family holiday.”

OP, if they’ve been invited and are excited about it, I d8n’t think you can really uninvited them. From your PIV, I can completely see how irritating it is, but from theirs, they are probably really looking forward to spending time with their DS and DGC. I think you have to make your expectations clear - and that includes privacy and “down” time without them. I once went on holiday abroad with my DS and family - we went to look after the DC while they went to a wedding, so a little different - but if people can be mindful of others’ boundaries, it can be OK. Let your DH know that you will be expecting them to babysit so you and he can go out together in the evening - I don’t think that’s at all unreasonable.

hav you asked him why? I’d be annoyed if my dh did something like that and I wouldn’t want a holiday with dhs family.

That's true haha

1 have you had the row with Dh about making unilateral decisions that affect you?

2 what was the outcome of that row?

3 if I as a future MIL was invited on holiday by my ds, my first words would be ‘how fantastic, has DIL agreed to this?’ So like a pp, I would be mortified to think you were not involved. It doesn’t have to be set in stone because of one conversation.

4 Also what will this setup look like? Shared apartment, same hotel, same resort but different accommodation?

I'd say, "that's lovely that you are coming on hols with us. I was thinking we could take it in turns to look after the children?"

There has to be some benefits for you if they're gonna gatecrash your holiday.

I’d be making sure the in-laws are looking after the children whilst you and hubby have nights out together ! Insist it’s a condition of them coming with you. Take advantage of the situation, don’t be a door mat.

I think it would be really really hard to uninvite them, so I’d tell dh he can uninvite them or he can work out where we get the money for me to have a solo weekend away a couple of weeks after the holiday, and that I will be taking some long walks / poolside drinks with a book on my own on the holiday.

Who actually does all the booking and admin for your holiday OP? If it’s you then simply give them the dates, resort and let them sort it out for themselves, if it’s your DH encourage him to do the same, otherwise make it very clear to the PIL’s that you, your OH and DC will be doing your own thing during certain times and they can meet up with you for dinner in the evenings after doing their own thing during the day perhaps.

This is DH’s mess to sort.
He needs to tell them that you have both reflected and realised that time just then 4 of you is really important and that it won’t be possible for th to come this time .

I don’t think there’s any need for any kind of weirdness or passive aggressive messages. I honestly think this is a time your DH needs to be direct and confess he has overstepped the mark. That they won’t be coming on holiday with you at all but you’d all be very happy to go away with them for a mini weekend at some point. Right now, it’s very simple to undo.

Why are you calling it a mini holiday?

Is it the length of it?

its still a holiday and if you only get one, its definitely a main holiday not a mini holiday.

If anyone insisted that I look after their kids,I’d think they were a right cf!

i might offer to babysit, but if it was expected as a condition of going on holiday, I would be less likely to offer.

I would then start a thread on mumsnet about my cf son and DIL!

Have you spoken to him about it? He can uninvite them

My pil often came on holidays with us. They offered to babysit but I always declined, as actually wanted to spend time with the kids, I worked and it was a chance for me to have a holiday with them too. Even though we are very different, we always had a lovely time.

We would go for a week and they would join us for a few days if it. Would that be in option?

If my husband had done this, I think he would be unable to retract the invitation given his scrotum was tied in a knot.

I presume she means mini break, just the family. Rather than a full week or two away.

I mean this kindly but I think you’re part of the problem OP. In 20 years of marriage I’ve never described my family as the ‘mini’ family. I describe my birth family as my extended family!! If you are both so enmeshed with your original families, I can see how DH might think it’s ok to invite them.

I think it’s time for thinking and a chat about your priorities as a family. You’re not a mini anything!

This might be true haha

Why has he done this?
Does he think they will provide free babysitting?
I also think it’s rude to expect parents to babysit, after all it is their holiday too.
I hope you have had it out with him op.
Also if they do come with you, make sure you leave your dh with the children and his parents whilst you browse the duty free in the airport. Then when you go off for a swim and a stroll along the ocean front etc etc.

I said to him that I don't mind them coming, as long as we get another holiday in the year for just us. He just said "oh yeah, that might not be possible getting another holiday in the year".

He hasn't mentioned uninviting them, so I will suggest this

Is the holiday mini or your family mini? What did you mean by mini?

Have you asked him why he has invited them without first consulting you?

So by "mini family" you just mean "family"?

Otherwise YANBU.

But WHY has he suddenly invited them when it’s never happened before?

Over the years my dad has joined us sometimes for a week of our 2 weeks away. He’s now 85 and slowing up. DH and I are discussing whether to get him to come again. We are going to wait until after Easter to see how he’s doing. If it happens we will have to let him have lazy mornings while we do stuff. We will also need to collect him (2 hours) from the airport - previously he’d get a train. I absolutely know that at times it will be a real pain. However what’s important vis à vis your situation OP is that we are discussing whether to invite (and our young adult boys are aware too) and it’s not a fait accompli.