Unpaid nanny to DSD Part 2

[seasonofthebitch]

Just wanted to update the previous thread…

I’m about to get on the train home after lovely weekend with my sister. I’m more certain now of my boundaries and what I will and won’t accept. I expect this will lead to the end of the marriage.

DP called me this morning and said he was “so tired, with another full on day”. He’s taken DSD AGAIN to his gym for 3 hours and will be going to take her again tonight for 2 hours as I’m “not back in time”.

Youd think for one weekend he’d have sacked off the gym. Poor DSD.

When I was sick after Christmas, he spent everyday in doors with her. Didn’t take her the park, shops, walk, play centres, swimming - no where. Because I was not doing it too!

Im having a conversation with him tonight about our future. Feeling ok about it but also prepared for some backlash… coming back here to keep me focused!

Just wow. Not sure how old dsd is but what gym allows that?

What a dickhead. Sorry but that poor wee girl 😓

While you are fond of her @seasonofthebitch you just can’t - and shouldn’t- parent her for him.

I’m glad you started a new thread - have been wondering about (and rooting for) you xx

The husband is part owner of the gym…..

@Roaminginthegloaming I’m not sure that’s what Op said - it’s not his main job - his side hustle is he is owner of a “fitness business” which he uses the gym to network at? Sounds to me like he’s a PT trying to drum up business. And failing, as it generates jack all in way of income for them.

Jesus, that poor kid.

What a selfish, selfish man he is.

I read your previous thread and it really struck me what an incredibly selfish person he has been. If he is unable to pass along his parental responsibilities to someone else (you!) then he makes her fit in around him. I suspect the eating in bed is because he feels like you shouldn’t be sleeping and instead awaiting his return to stroke his ego.

Good luck with your conversation, I hope it goes the way you want.

I mean I think it's quite obvious why is daughters mum divorced him or separated from him. He doesn't sound much fun.

Yeah the eating in bed when she’s sleeping is a deliberate statement. Nasty.

You DP is just ridiculous, and sounds like a hugely selfish and self-involved partner and parent. This isn't just about him treating you like a nanny, it is about his whole bleeding personality. Unless you are expecting your conversation to lead to a personality transplant, I would seriously reconsider your relationship with him.

I'm also really surprised your SD's mother is okay with this arrangement?! It shouldn't just be up to you to tell him this behavior is unacceptable (not just towards you but towards his child!), she should be doing so as well.

I'm curious - what is this 5 year old doing when she's with him at the gym?

You do need to end your marriage OP. He's a fucking selfish prick who thinks parenting his own DDis beneath him.

I feel so sad for that poor girl having such a useless twat for a father

I bet he passes her to a female member of staff to look after.

Good luck OP.

I hope you get the result you want from your chat tonight. Sadly like you I wouldn’t be able to see any way back from this level of selfish, vile behaviour though
Any man who would treat his child like this is certainly not a man I could tolerate in my life

So this child has spent 5 hours this weekend at the gym? I can’t remember how old she is but I’m pretty sure she’s too young to use gym equipment. Unless there is a crèche at the gym (Virgin have a very good one) she has spent 5 hours on an iPad waiting for her dad. Totally unacceptable. An hour each day? Perhaps. But 5 hours? Absolutely no way.

OP, this is such an eye opener, it’s a gift really. He is not only showing you what kind of a father he is, he is also telling you. Listen to him. Don’t have children with this man.

You beat me to it!

likeafishneedsabike · Today 16:32
"So this child has spent 5 hours this weekend at the gym? I can’t remember how old she is but I’m pretty sure she’s too young to use gym equipment2

She's 5.

Thanks for updating. And I'm glad you are seeing what he is.
Even with no child involved- him cooking food but not for you, going out for the whole evening (most nights) then cooking at 11pm and EATING IT IN BED WHERE YOU ARE SLEEPING!!!
OH goddess - THIS is enough to end a relationship.
But adding in the absolutely cheeky fucker thinking HIS child is YOUR responsibility during all this fuckwittery... Jeez

Please make sure your contraception is ROCK solid. I hope you have a spare room to sleep in so he cant disturb you at night any more.

Im sorry this is the end of your marriage, likely, but thank the stars you know all this before having a child and not being able to walk away from him!

Good luck to you OP. I do hope you heed the warnings that he might try to trap you with a pregnancy to cement your parenting role. Please take care of yourself.

Good luck OP. He is a dreadful parent and a dreadful husband at the moment. Either he changes, or get yourself out of there.

Please get rid of this awful man, and I hope that someone steps up for that child, but it shouldn’t be you.

Thanks for the new thread, its tragic that you care more about that poor little girl than any of her relatives do. I bet he says he won't let you see her again, but that would only be to hurt you. I'm sure he will find a new gf to look after her very quickly

He can't change easily - his belief that parenting is for women is exceptionally entrenched. Even when @seasonofthebitch was ill in bed, he wouldn't be a parent to his daughter through choice - because he believes it is her role and his contribution must be minimum.

His choice not to parent is comng across as an obsession and very much like toxic masculinity.

This is very true. If he said the right things I'd give him a month to show it, but no more than that

Please don’t have children with this selfish man. He sounds SO BORING!

How do you stand it?