Unpaid nanny to DSD Part 2

[seasonofthebitch]

Just wanted to update the previous thread…

I’m about to get on the train home after lovely weekend with my sister. I’m more certain now of my boundaries and what I will and won’t accept. I expect this will lead to the end of the marriage.

DP called me this morning and said he was “so tired, with another full on day”. He’s taken DSD AGAIN to his gym for 3 hours and will be going to take her again tonight for 2 hours as I’m “not back in time”.

Youd think for one weekend he’d have sacked off the gym. Poor DSD.

When I was sick after Christmas, he spent everyday in doors with her. Didn’t take her the park, shops, walk, play centres, swimming - no where. Because I was not doing it too!

Im having a conversation with him tonight about our future. Feeling ok about it but also prepared for some backlash… coming back here to keep me focused!

Bloody hell, your poor DSD.

But, this isn’t your problem.

He did what so many men do - found himself a free nanny that can also clean his house and service his cock

Now he's used up his mum and his wife's good will he'll be on the look out for the next unpaid nanny.

The gym is prob his 'pub' without the booze, so it's all just his socializing time.

He's using you, OP. Please leave him and find someone who respects and cares about you

Obsessed with the gym and his appearance, shit father, burnt bridges with his mother, has offloaded his responsibilities onto you and gaslighting you, and its ALL about him.

Are you sure he is not a secret narc?

Poor DSD. I remember ferrying my DC to swimming lessons, teaching them to ride a bike and going to the park at the weekend when they were that age. That was what a 'full on day' was - putting them first and hopefully giving them skills for life.
This selfish man treats his DD as an inconvenience - why does he see 'networking' as more important? What a poor excuse of a man.

Good luck x

"Why aren't you prepared to look after your own child?" on repeat.

Don’t let him deflect onto you which is what he seems great at doing.

When he says he had to take DSD to the gym because you weren’t back in time, ask him why he couldn’t sacrifice the gym to spend time doing something child friendly with his daughter.

When he says that he is burnt out because he’s looked after his daughter all weekend ask him how he thinks you feel when you’re the one usually doing it and it isn’t even your child.

When he says that you’re both meant to be parents to DSD ask him why you are the one doing 99% of that parenting.

Five hours. at Five years old. On a Sunday, at dad's place of "work" being barely supervised and probably very bored. Fuck me, what a prize father of the year he is. I treat my dog better than he treats his little girl. Miles better.

Hold your resolve, OP. Wishing you best of luck for staying focussed on YOUR needs.

Your poor DSD, sorry to say your Dp sounds like a deadbeat dad, sure he has his fair share of custody on the face of it but consistently palming her off on other's and than even when he cant do that dragging her around to do things he wants to do whilst doing nothing for her... 😞 sad for her as by the sounds of it your the only adult that is fully invested in what is best for her. But equally you need to think of yourself and what is best for you

Beware the narc, he will gaslight you. He will try to project his own miscomings onto you by accusing you of that with which he is guilty.

They also move on scarily fast. Serious charmers. They never love anyone,. They are only looking for a supply and someone to use. Zero empathy.

So be relieved if you are rid of him.

And try get some work on healing yourself as you were taken advantage of and need to increase your self worth in general.

And don't delete these threads. Read back over them whenever you doubt yourself again.

Thanks for starting a second thread, OP.

It sounds as if your time away has given you the perspective you needed. Wishing you luck with the chat.

I don’t blame you

He’s a lesser human than you. Less evolved. Still a youth. Pity the poor child with parents like this.

Your partner is a crap dad. And that’s coming little girl deserves so much better and more.

i hope you can make him see sense, for her sake only.

Good luck OP. You need to exit this marriage, as you're being treated like a slave. I'm so sorry.

Good luck op

My first thought when I read your original thread was 'no wonder his ex got rid if that's the way he behaved while living with her'.

He wants the quodos (SP?) of having a child, but isn't prepared to be a parent. I so feel for your DSD as when you leave this selfish bastard she may lose her relationship with you and you have been an exemplary step mother to her. Well done you!

You've done your best, but he's a piss-taking rat. Good luck to him & whatever poor woman who's seduced into another relationship with him.

I hate to say this, but no doubt, due to the time that he spends in the gym, he's probably ripped & has good body, he probably won't find it difficult to get another woman to take your place. Good luck to her & let's hope she asks questions about how come he's gone through so many women in such a short time & runs. No doubt he'll tell a sob story that will take them in & your poor DSD will have yet another step mother who will discover what a loser her father is & leave.

I feel for you and your DSD. It would be good if you could stay in contact in order to be there for her in the future.

edited for spelling though probably some that I hadn't spotted

He really is a selfish twat. He obviously doesn’t want you to do anything at the weekend or weekend evening because your job is to babysit his child! Heaven forbid he misses a gym session.

I followed your last post @seasonofthebitch and I'm glad you've done a part 2 once that one was full so we can keep reminding you that you should not be the default parent and keep supporting you as he tries to emotionally manipulate you as you clearly love your DSD and as a step parent myself it can be hard to stand your ground without it being twisted as "we are family" "clearly you hate/don't love DC" etc.
I'm disgusted to read your update that he's dragged the poor wee girl to the gym, please tell me there is a crèche and she will have had some fun?

Remember that as much as you care for this child, she is not yours, and not your responsibility. That your dickhead of a partner has not done anything with her this weekend and has kept doing what he always does and then moans about being tired? He’s a selfish cunt.

Also remember, when someone shows you who they are-believe them the first time.

And don’t have a baby with this waste of space otherwise you will never get rid.

Be prepared for the "you hate my child" approach. He may well try this tack in order to guilt you into backing down. He's had a day in the gym having to accommodate her and he will be smarting from that. He might double down on this one and make you the offender.

That can be hard to not react to.

OH DEAR POOR LOVE - so tired after taking his daughter to the gym for 3 hours(!) Wondering what the poor kid did for the 3 hours while he was working out? And then he takes her there for another 2 hours because you have the termitary to be 'late' to look after HIS KID!! So 5 hours out of a whole day supposedly a 'contact' day with her father was spend cooling her heels while he worked out. WTF?!!

If I was that child's mother I'd be looking at stopping contact as our child was only having meaningful contact with the step mother not their father which is the intention of 'contact'.

I'm another poster who's glad that you realised what he was like before you had a baby with him. He sounds awful and I'm sure that if you had a joint child, he'd expect you to do even more of the parenting.

I feel so sad for your DSD. This wouldn't stop me from ending the marriage, but I would seriously think about trying to stay in touch with her, as it sounds as though the poor little girl gets pushed from pillar to post.

I've found the thread so upsetting about the little girl. OP please point out to him what he's doing i.e. neglecting his daughter and refusing to parent her. Offloading her onto the nearest female and not having a single thought about what his daughter wants or needs is not acceptable. I know you're putting your boundaries in place but please point out to him what he's doing is neglectful and he needs to step up as a parent (whether or not you stay).