Unpaid nanny to DSD Part 2

[seasonofthebitch]

Just wanted to update the previous thread…

I’m about to get on the train home after lovely weekend with my sister. I’m more certain now of my boundaries and what I will and won’t accept. I expect this will lead to the end of the marriage.

DP called me this morning and said he was “so tired, with another full on day”. He’s taken DSD AGAIN to his gym for 3 hours and will be going to take her again tonight for 2 hours as I’m “not back in time”.

Youd think for one weekend he’d have sacked off the gym. Poor DSD.

When I was sick after Christmas, he spent everyday in doors with her. Didn’t take her the park, shops, walk, play centres, swimming - no where. Because I was not doing it too!

Im having a conversation with him tonight about our future. Feeling ok about it but also prepared for some backlash… coming back here to keep me focused!

Good luck, I hope he sees how selfish he has been but suspect it’s unlikely he can see how much he has taken advantage of you

DP called me this morning and said he was “so tired, with another full on day”.

Another full on day doing what?

Certainly not looking after his child!

So he's after sympathy for something he chooses to do rather than has to?

Dear oh dear!

Stay strong, OP, don't be gaslit or emotionally blackmailed. You have done nothing wrong here.

Selfish lazy bone idle bastard.
And yes i bet he gives the kid to a female gym member to look after. If thats the case i hope she posts on this site too. If he did this to me i would be phoning Social Services.

What a selfish bustard. His poor poor daughter.

Stay strong. You are in a great position of realising what he is before you have children with him.

Ugh what a prick. Ick

Good luck. It doesn't sound like either of her parents are much use, poor kid.

Such a prick.

Dies he have any good points? You dont mention any, but there must be something in this relationship for you?

If not, you know what to do.

Good luck

Poor poor kid. Two parents who aren't interested in her.

That doesn't make it your job and you're doing the right thing, but I just feel so sorry for her.

No doubt he will have palmed his daughter off on some other woman at the gym. He needs to step up and start parenting his own child.

Gosh what a selfish arse and lazy dad he is. If nothing else I sincerely hope you don’t have a child of your own with this man.

Even with no child involved- him cooking food but not for you, going out for the whole evening (most nights) then cooking at 11pm and EATING IT IN BED WHERE YOU ARE SLEEPING!!!
OH goddess - THIS is enough to end a relationship.

Was coming to say the same. Not just unbelievably inconsiderate and selfish but sordid too. But why have you let him do this OP?
My DH obviously wouldn't dream of doing this, but if he did, it would stay just that - a dream! There's no way I would tolerate that.

Also I would lay a sizeable bet he leaves the kitchen a complete mess of dirty pans and dishes for you to deal with in the morning.

this

we know now why the Bio mother is not with him !!

Leave him he won't change his attitude.

Tell the mother what he does or doesn't do with the child.

Tell the school the above and your concerns Re: Child is isolated from usual appropriate activities
Being taken to a gym for hours
(and as I've said previously unless there is a supervised child's area at the gym there is health / safety rules even if he owns the gym)

If mother doesn't care tell them that as well.
Its such a shame that this child may lose you.

Good luck. He is exceptionally entitled and a shit parent to boot. I wouldn't want to be around him. Feel sorry for his daughter but you can't sacrifice yourself to that set up <imagining a world where he doesn't exist and you somehow get to look after this poor girl but without this miserable freeloader in tow..>

Good luck op, it has to be done.
Let us know how you get on xx

I only vaguely touched base with your last thread but I remember you said that his own mother had pushed back against the child sitting. Normally grandparents love spending time but I'm guessing that she was depleted, a line was crossed and realised she was being used.

Sometimes people wake up from relationships years into it as they have been conditioned to believe they should do x, y and z.

You may need a good therapist as you will probably doubt yourself and your decisions if you try to assert yourself. Feeling false guilt is common.

I don't know your husband but I don't like him at all.

I cant believe he doesnt take her swimming and that hes been taking her to the gym, why is he so obsessed with the gym but then he is no.1 on his list

5 hours at the gym in a day, that's wild.

I know gym bros and they're not spending 5 hours in the gym when they've got their kids, or even when they don't. He's gone way overboard with his gym time.

How does he manage leaving her for such lengths of time there? In the gyms I've been to, childcare is 2 hours max and they will literally come and get you to come get your kid if you try to push that limit.

Unless he's lining up someone else....

He won't change.
I hope you dont fall for his bullshit.

Best case scenario it has a creche, but even then it'd be shitty to just leave her in it for hours at a time because he can't be arsed to look after her alone.

It is nasty and im wondering where sex fits in, is he actually loving or does he just expect that after his dinner in bed,

He's an absolute shit. I'd be mortified by what a crappy selfish useless father he is. That poor poor wee girl.

Do not let him talk you round. I feel awful for your DSD but you are not her parent, and he's made it clear that your role in this relationship is to be a nanny with a fanny.