Unpaid nanny to DSD Part 2

[seasonofthebitch]

Just wanted to update the previous thread…

I’m about to get on the train home after lovely weekend with my sister. I’m more certain now of my boundaries and what I will and won’t accept. I expect this will lead to the end of the marriage.

DP called me this morning and said he was “so tired, with another full on day”. He’s taken DSD AGAIN to his gym for 3 hours and will be going to take her again tonight for 2 hours as I’m “not back in time”.

Youd think for one weekend he’d have sacked off the gym. Poor DSD.

When I was sick after Christmas, he spent everyday in doors with her. Didn’t take her the park, shops, walk, play centres, swimming - no where. Because I was not doing it too!

Im having a conversation with him tonight about our future. Feeling ok about it but also prepared for some backlash… coming back here to keep me focused!

@seasonofthebitch I'm sorry you're going through this. You don't owe anyone here anything. This is your life and you're the one living it. You are strong and intelligent and know your mind. You sound genuinely caring and I believe you are a kickarse doctor. (Am a nurse myself, so very fussy.) Don't be dragged through the mire by conjecture on here. You're right that your life is not a soapie.

You are right. It's not like EastEnders where you can sell a legitimate business in the space of two days. That's the point.

Hence the suspicion that it's bollocks.

Op focus on what you know for sure, your feeling, how your marriage should be not what it is right now,
Try and have a good weekend op 💐

Him 'selling' a business thats non-profit making is clearly bollox. I suspect he said he would, or hes giving out feelers, or hes just spouting shit in desperation to OP. Doesn't mean hes having an affair!!!! Someone can talk nonsense but still not be having an affair. His child was dragged there with him for hours on end.

Hence the suspicion that it's bollocks. The business totally smelled of bollocks but it doesn't sound like an OW at all.
It was a hobby - ,"selling the business" possible consisted of giving 1 clients number to an actual personal trainer hence the speed with which it could be done.
@seasonofthebitch you will get through to the other side. You sound like a fantastic woman!

Because it's the commonest cause of this type of behaviour.

Because this thread was started because he wasn't taking the child with him.

It's really not fair to jump on other posters who've only stated the obvious!

Besides which, do you really find it credible that these thoughts hadn't already crossed her mind? I'm glad it's clear to you that it's not the case here, but I don't think it's that clear to many of us.

Whichever way around, "selling" the business overnight is almost impossible not to be a lie. It had made no profit and was in the highly competitive "health and fitness" space. It was worth nothing and if it had been company sales don't happen overnight.

He hasn't sold anything: he's just told whoever his business partner is that he needs to take over the reins and cover for him for an extended period because shit's going down and he can't do it anymore which doesn't sound nearly as self sacrificing as "I've sold the business" (for you).

I'm not getting OW vibes from this either. Just self-importance for his preferences which include having a woman do his childcare while he pursues his own interests.
He prefers to be at the gym so that's what he thinks he's entitled to do.

Absolutely this.

Or there were be documented proof. Unlikely as it has been a couple of days. And the business makes no money.

New to this / these threads and only read op posts on this one. My conclusions:

• poor poor little girl.
• lazy feckless man (as per)
• strong successful caring op at end of tether

Leave the man obviously. You’re young enough and successful enough to make a new life. Have kids with a good man. The saddest thing in all of this is the little girl. My heart breaks for her having such a shit dad who basically ignores her. But sadly that’s not your problem. Hope the divorce lawyer helps - they always do.
💐

Well done op. When you get to that ‘indifference’ stage in any relationship and you’ve lost all respect there isn’t really any counselling that will get that back ( in my opinion).

What was the nature of "the business"? Was it PT? Or was it an MLM/pyramid scheme flogging supplements/protein powder etc etc at the gym? (MLMs never make money)

His main job is a consultant so would earn a decent salary anyway. The side hustle was a way to spends hours at the gym, away from.his daughter and also the op.

Sounds like he checked out of his marriage a long time ago but liked the childcare and domestic servant services and sex when he asked for it.

No it didn’t cross my mind, as I said, DSD has been the gym, and so have I. It’s pure conjecture and gossip to involve another woman when there’s zero evidence of that!

If he was having an affair I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t want me to go, nor his daughter. He trains men only in the sports he teaches… unless of course people are speculating that he’s going the gym, then going to OW, then back home to me (whilst also expecting sex?).

Anyway as others have said, it’s not an episode of eastenders. It’s easy on an anonymous forum to add speculation and sensationalism to the situation, but this is my life. I wanted support to end a marriage, not posters prodding at the situation and inviting even more stress. And for what? For entertainment?

Bowing out now. Thanks for everyone who gave sensible advice and support

The support is still here @seasonofthebitch . I’ve got nothing but admiration for you. Good luck x

I dont blame you.

Sorry you've had that experience though. I wish you all the best goign forward though. I hope those who made those comments think twice next time. xxx

Keep strong @seasonofthebitch , you've got this. It'll be hard but you've already taken some of the steps towards your future, the first of which is the hardest

You and your ilk drove a woman who very much needed support away, with your drama seeking behaviours. But keep defending your position.

Well done!

No, this thread was started because he wasn’t spending time with his daughter and partner, not because he wasn’t taking his daughter to the gym.

You seem to want to invent your own ‘story’ but all you have done is help drive an OP away. Congratulations.

No it didn’t cross my mind, as I said, DSD has been the gym, and so have I. It’s pure conjecture and gossip to involve another woman when there’s zero evidence of that!

@seasonofthebitch

Don't let others deter you from coming on here posting.

It's the default for some on MN that DP/DH are having an affair if they so much as look at another woman.

do we find it credible the OP hadn’t considered the possibility of an OW? The OP came here for support not to be bloody cross examined. She doesn’t owe anyone an insight into all her thought processes! The thread was started because the OP wanted to know whether she was unreasonable expecting her husband to participate in the care of his child as opposed to dumping the child on the OP by default.

i’ve no doubt you’ll disagree with the above and further double down. Perhaps even expecting the OP’s inside leg measurement and bra size 🙄.

sorry you’re going through this OP.

@seasonofthebitch I just wanted to wish you the best of luck. I hope you find a partner that loves appreciates and respects you. You deserve it.

All I can say OP is you know when you've reached the end of your rope. It sounds like you've reached it.

@seasonofthebitch, It must be gutting that your relationship has ended over his selfishness, at least you haven’t wasted any more time picking up his slack, & bring completely taken for granted.
Good Luck

Best of luck OP ! You’ve got this !