Am I being overly suspicious of my DD13?

[Notenoughsleeptoday]

A week ago DD13 announced at dinner that she would be going to the town next to us (10 minutes away by train) with her friends, but instead of saying the name of that town, I heard her say 'London' (which is an hour away). I said "London?!" and she said that she didn't say London but said the name of the town next to us. The town name is nothing like London. My husband insisted that she said the name of the town and I thought it was a bit odd, but dismissed it as my mistake. My husband now admits that he wasn't actually listening to the conversation.

Yesterday I asked her if she wanted me to buy the train tickets but she said her friend's mum is buying it. This seemed feasible as an adult travelling with a child, the child's ticket is only £1, whereas buying it alone is more expensive.

This morning she left for the town with her friends from school, which I've never met - I don't know any of her school friends. My husband dropped her off and said that she had got the time wrong and that's why her friends weren't there, but they'll be arriving soon.

This afternoon she text me to say that the shops weren't accepting her card and it might be because she doesn't have enough money, so could I transfer £60 and she'll pay me back. I text back asking why she wants so much money and then I checked her location, she was in Stratford. It's quite out of character for her to lie about where she was going especially as I would have let her go anyway if there was an adult present and also I've never known her to want to spend so much money, so I asked her to phone me to check it was really her. She called and insisted that she needed £60 for some really cute boots and although she has that much in cash, the shop only accepts card. I agreed and put £65 on her card. She then went to Zara and spent £35, not £60. I text to ask why she asked for £60 for boots and she said that they must have been reduced at the till. I asked why she lied about where she was going and she said that Stratford and our local town sound similar and she got them mixed up.

She then text to say her card wasn't working again - it is a bit of a crap bank and the card often fails - and she couldn't buy lunch as everywhere they have tried is card only. I told her to give the cash to a friend or the mum and they pay for the food, but she said that they won't do that. I can't imagine a mum being pointlessly difficult and letting a child go hungry.

Any of these alone, I wouldn't have even noticed, but everything together is seeming a bit suspicious. Her accidentally saying London and then coincidentally going to London, her not needing me to buy the ticket to the local town, her arriving at the station at the wrong time so my husband couldn't actually see her friends or the mum, her requesting huge amounts of money for boots and then only spending half of it, the mum happily paying for her train ticket but letting her go hungry by not accepting cash from my daughter and paying by card.

Or maybe I'm just being over the top.

Hmm no I do agree it all sounds a bit off OP. Do you have any contact details for the friend/mum she’s supposed to be with? At 13 I’d probably want to check these kind of plans to be honest.

I’d be very suspicious too. Have you spoken to the mum of the friend? My daughter’s slightly older and even at the risk of embarrassing her I’d be asking to be put straight on the phone to the mother to confirm.

Haha, she's not very good at it, is she. That'd be a pocket money ban for a while when she gets picked up. And a sit down chat. Do you think she's alone? Worrying if so.

Is there a history of fibbing?

Id be tempted to turn up at Stratford and haul her arse home.

I’d have already asked to be put on the phone to the friend’s Mum (who is presumably not there).

If My DD was repeatedly lying, asking for money and not where she said she’d be I’d be getting in the car to pick her up.

This

And alert security at the shopping centre that you're worried she's been groomed to meet someone there etc so they can help you find her if needed

Agree. I’d like to think I’m pretty laid back and not one to say no for the sake of it but at 13 I’d expect honesty for safety reasons and there’s more than one alarm bell ringing here.

If she can’t put the mum on the phone right now then I’d be heading there myself.

I think it’s absolutely fine for a 13 year old to want to go shopping with friends in London what is not acceptable is lying. By 13 my dc went to Birmingham shopping with friends on the train on condition they were back in our city by 8pm, no issues with this and no such thing as tracking either it they did not lie

She’s definitely up to something. I would message the other Mum and find out if they’re together (which sounds unlikely). I can’t work out what she would be up to though. Has she met a boy there or something? But what is she asking for the extra cash. Hmm. Keep us updated!

Also this.

It’s awful to think about but this kind of worry is fresh in my mind. A local man was recently caught by one of these groups, literally lives 2 streets over from us, 9 year old granddaughter, had been messaging and arranging to meet multiple 12-15 year old girls. This is a man we’ve chatted to in the cafe, who goes to our gym, someone we’ve spoken to countless times and never thought anything of. It’s definitely made me more anxious about the possibility.

Actually, could you ring her and just ask her to be honest with you? Say the story isn’t adding up. You won’t be angry etc, but you need her to be honest with you?
perhaps that’s me being naive 🤣.

Wow thank you. I was convinced that you'd all tell me I was putting 2 and 2 together and making 100!

I wasn't worried about her going to the next town over because she has a school friend who lives there so she's done that journey before, so I didn't think to check anything out. I've never known her to behave like this before.

Fuck that shit
it needs nipping in the bud.

how is your relationship normally? Why would she lie? Would you immediately say no?

in order to have freedom they have to be trusted with it. She’s blown it

It’s definitely suspicious. Just not clear what she is lying about yet. Keep an eye on her location and when it looks like she’s on the train home I would be there waiting to see who gets off with her.

Christ, the security at Westfield can't even keep on top of the shoplifters and the gangs hanging around.

There's no way they're going to do that.

They'll just suggest the OP phones the police.

Based on what you’ve shared, the lies are so mixed up that I’d be suspicious that was going to meet a man she’d come across online. You’re not being unreasonable at all.

OP do you think she’s alone or she’s gone to meet someone she’s met online? I would ask to speak to the mum, I don’t think she’s with a parent.

We used to roam all over London at 13, without adults or mobile phones, but I also used to vaguely tell my parents where I was going.

I’d be in the car sat navigating to her location as soon as I’d realised she’d lied to be honest. Haul her arse home and take away her privileges, if she can’t tell the truth she can’t go out!

I think my first suspicion would've been her saying she wanted to go shopping with someone's mum at that age.

She then text to say her card wasn't working again - it is a bit of a crap bank and the card often fails -
Okaaay....really? That sounds so odd. Why would a card 'often fail'?
Also, what are you meant to do about it? She has enough money on her card now. She also has cash. How are you meant to make the card work?

Anyway, just ring her and ask what's up? She is obviously narrating her day to you, so be part of the conversation.

But yeah. Get her a card that doesn't 'fail'. Don't leave her at the station without handing her over to another adult....you know, you seem quite wide-eyed and 'what does it all meeean?' about it all.

I'd have been overly suspicious 2 lies into this story. Friends not there when DH dropped her off? Hmmm.
She is out with a group of girls and boys or with a boy or with a shady adult character.
I'd be on my way to the shopping centre by now.
The question is why is she lying and why are there multiple lies? You need to have a serious conversation about consequences of bad decisions and dangers of mixing with unknown people. Don't be angry or sad when you talk to her but try to get to the bottom of this. Are you monitoring her online activity/phone use?
There's nothing wrong with a trip to this shopping centre as you pointed out OP. And she knows that. Why the lying?
The high spending is unusual if she has never done that before. Perhaps she is with a group of girls who are used to spending more than she normally does. Nonetheless she needs to learn what her spending limits are and stick to those for her own good - it takes time to learn but most children they get there in the end.

I'd be heading there too, suspecting she is with an older boy with or without her female friend/s. The extra money may be for going halves on some weed or drink.