Moving abroad first bringing children later

[ThatLilacStork]

Hello, I’ve been offered a new job abroad I have two children 8 and 12 and I am not with their father, this new job is considerably more income and would completely change our lives for the better, their father has given permission for the kids to go on the basis of I go first and get a life set up for them eg, find a home and school.

He suggested I go for three months come back for a month take them over for a month during holidays bring them back then go for another three months and build it up slowly like that. But it would mean spending a number of months away from them.

Does this seem insane or does it seem doable? My children are pretty adaptable as I have not been with their father for many years so have always moved between us sometimes for a few weeks at a time depending on school holidays.

I should add kids are keen to move but older one wants to stay settled in school until we have a solid foundation to move to, thanks for reading

This won’t be easy , and I don’t know where you’re moving to so it’s tricky for me to advise you
However, I’ve done this as the SAHM .
Husband was asked to work overseas when I just had one child , this was years ago and my plan was to head back to work myself at some point ( I had no childcare or support network )
I agreed because I was so often left on my own 24/7 with a small child while he worked in his usual office or he travelled for work .
He had already been out there and the office admin manager did help a little to give us an idea where we might want to live in the city .
The firm didn’t use a relocation consultant so it was exhausting.
I did the same when he was sent back to work overseas when we had more children.
I would see if they can find you a relocation consultant as they’d help with finding school placements and a new home as well as many other things

OMG you've had a lot of unnecessarily nasty and judgemental responses here!

FWIW, my brother took his 4 children, aged between 5 and 10 at the time, to the US and it worked out VERY well for them all. He is now seriously wealthy, all 4 kids have right to remain and work in the US and are thriving.

So I would say go for it (though I know that wasn't the question you asked).

I don't like all going backwards and forwards your ex is suggesting. I think you should go first, find somewhere to live and get school places organised, then move them over at the appropriate point in the school year.

Good luck op!

Was your brother divorced and leaving behind his ex? Did your brother go out there for a few months and then bring the children over, one of which in secondary school?

Not divorced, no, but I don't think that's relevant, op says her ex is supportive.

It was definitely several months in the planning. They had loads of pictures up on the walls so that the kids could get used to the idea and have some sense of what their lives would be like. My brother travelled backwards and forwards for a while getting a place for them to live, etc, etc. And as far as I remember they went in the summer, after the end of our school year and before the start of the US school year.

So to be clear… your brother moved with his wife, the mother of the children. As a family. In one go rather than back and forth?

Yes with his wife.
I imagine there was a period of some months (maybe) where he was travelling backwards and forwards until the time was right for the rest of them to join him.

With their mother ie not leaving her and a home

Yes, his wife and mother of his children. 😀

So not the case here in any fashion at all

I knew you were heading there!

I never said it was the same. 🤔

I said I thought (think) it can work if op goes first and prepares the ground.

I also think it's a bad idea to drag the kids backwards and forwards - she should go first, get everything lined up and then take the kids when the time is right (which will depend on how the UK school year fits against teaching periods/holidays in the country she is going to).

I’m sure you did know I was heading there

because a family moving to the US is not what this thread is about

This is insane. I just did an overseas move and took my kids with me. Yes it was hard carting kids around (baby and toddler so hard!) while looking at nurseries / places to rent etc but I could not fathom being away from them for months. Can you do a two week scope and then come back and get them? I had pretty much everything sorted in 2 weeks (and that was with kids in tow…)