FIL pissed me of

[Shakeyshakeybaby]

So totally expect to be told I'm unreasonable but hear me out. Myself and DH are married 25 years, three DC aged 17 , 16 and 14. We have only been away from our kids once since the oldest was born and that was for three nights. PIL minded the kids. They have never offered and apart from those three nights we never asked as we knew they wouldn't mind the kids , especially FIL.

So about three weeks ago my DH booked two nights away for me and him. It's a 40 minute flight. He asked MIL could she just stay the two nights in our house with the kids. She agreed. Kids get on well with MIL. Kids are good kids but just wanted an adult there with us being in a different country. All good so far.

The thing is one of our DDs plays soccer at a high level and she has just signed for a new team and has a match on Sunday. We thought all the paperwork might not be gone through on time so we would be ok to go away. Bear in mind that during the season we are unable to go away due to her football.

So DH asked FIL could he bring her. His response was " no I go to lidl on a Sunday morning". This was after DH had just done FIL a huge favour ( not the first time). He then had the neck to say" I will drop your mother around on Friday night, I heard you are ordering takeaway so I will stay for that and then head home"

Out of the blue behaviour for your FIL?

17 , 16 and 14.

and they don’t want 2 nights alone?!

It’s been 17 years that he’s not been willing to help, why would he now? Tell DH to stop doing favours for someone who won’t return a favour.

They have never offered and apart from those three nights we never asked as we knew they wouldn't mind the kids , especially FIL.

Surprised you are surprised then

I get that you're peed off but you know he's a twat so what did you expect?

I know I shouldn't be surprised at all but stupidly thought that maybe because it's to do with DDs sport and how important it is that he would help out. He told DH to ask DHs brother. We are very close to DH brother and he would say yes with the best of intentions but he's not reliable.

Why not arrange a taxi or talk to one of the other team members to arrange a lift ?

It seems like your FIL has made it clear in the past that he doesn't consider your children to be his responsibility. Somewhat harsh, but there you go. You have the ability to act accordingly in the future when he needs helping out.

Too far in a taxi and I know DD would be uncomfortable with this. DD only signed for this team so we don't know the parents yet and we also don't live where the majority of the team lives.

Why are you asking FIL and not MIL who's already looking after your DD then?

Is it the youngest one who's playing football? Otherwise I would've thought a 16/17yo could sort something out?

Can you cancel and re-book for, say, 8wks time?

DD will have had loads of training sessions by then and you could maybe get another reliable adult to help.

Oh, and make sure that DH knows that his dad - no help from you for anything from now on.

MIL doesn't drive. It's my just turned 16 year old DD. No way for her to get there on her own.

How far is the journey?

Can't cancel and rebook as would lose the cost of the flights.

How far can it possibly be ? Taxis are normal cars with a fair bit of range in my experience.

Maybe the 17 year old can go with the 14 year old if they feel uncomfortable.

27 kilometres.

I think she meant financially

Ok, I get it's very frustrating that FIL could do it but would rather go to Lidl! (And I agree don't do anything for him)

But surely if you've arranged for a non-driver to mind them then she's not going to be able to get driven anywhere while you're away.

She's going to be on a team with these girls so why not get to know them now?

Could the gran go with her in the taxi.

17 year old would not go and I don't blame her as she would have to stand in the cold for two hours. FIL could sit in his car or there's lovely coffee shops ( which he loves) , there's even a lidl close by.

MIL had a knee replacement recently so can't stand and has other health issues that limit her mobility.

You need to stop harping on about your FIL

He has not ever misled you about his disinterest.
So now you need to make a plan . And it might just involve your 16 year old doing a taxi run or sucking up a pain in the arse bus route

there's even a lidl close by.

Sounds ideal could you present it as a mini-break for FIL - visiting a exotic new Lidl?

You’d have thought the 17 and 16 and 14 would have loved two nights alone!

We don't live near her teammates for somebody to pick her up and we don't actually know anybody yet to even ask.

Contact the coach and ask if anyone local to you that might be able to help out

Can MIL go in a taxi with at least one of the other children and then they can sit in said coffee shop for the 2 hours before all coming back by taxi together?