FIL pissed me of

[Shakeyshakeybaby]

So totally expect to be told I'm unreasonable but hear me out. Myself and DH are married 25 years, three DC aged 17 , 16 and 14. We have only been away from our kids once since the oldest was born and that was for three nights. PIL minded the kids. They have never offered and apart from those three nights we never asked as we knew they wouldn't mind the kids , especially FIL.

So about three weeks ago my DH booked two nights away for me and him. It's a 40 minute flight. He asked MIL could she just stay the two nights in our house with the kids. She agreed. Kids get on well with MIL. Kids are good kids but just wanted an adult there with us being in a different country. All good so far.

The thing is one of our DDs plays soccer at a high level and she has just signed for a new team and has a match on Sunday. We thought all the paperwork might not be gone through on time so we would be ok to go away. Bear in mind that during the season we are unable to go away due to her football.

So DH asked FIL could he bring her. His response was " no I go to lidl on a Sunday morning". This was after DH had just done FIL a huge favour ( not the first time). He then had the neck to say" I will drop your mother around on Friday night, I heard you are ordering takeaway so I will stay for that and then head home"

For the life of me I cannot imagine why you ‘wouldn’t expect your 17yo’ to do exactly what you’re asking of your fil.

Could your DH explain that this first match is really important to your DD and you’d be happy to cover the petrol costs/treat him to a nice coffee AND he can explore a new Lidl?!

He then had the neck to say" I will drop your mother around on Friday night, I heard you are ordering takeaway so I will stay for that and then head home"

sorry OP but this made me laugh. I definitely want to be more like your FIL when I get older!!

FIL has said no, and it sounds like that's expected. DH could ask him again if he feels he let it go too easily, but obviously can't make him do it. If DH resents doing favors for FIL that aren't reciprocated, he should be pickier in what he agrees to do. But that's not going to solve the current problem.

It reads like you're coming up with an objection to every constructive suggestion, and some of them seem inconsistent - for example, FIL can happily while away time in a shop or cafe but you won't suggest your teen does. Time to get real: write down the realistic options and give your teen the choice. But I would bet telling the coach that transportation has fallen through unexpectedly (you don't have to tell the whole story about your trip; for all coach knows your FIL was going to take her but is now unable) and seeing what they suggest would be the best way to proceed if you've ruled out taxi due to availability/expense.

I would love to know if this is a country where 16 year olds can drink/marry/vote/work but can't be expected to get a taxi

Also, FiL might be an awkward old git or just a creature of habit. My own very DF once turned down an offer to visit us on Christmas Day because it was a Thursday and that was his "laundry day". (He lived on his own, with his own washing machine available 24/7.)

Because FIL is an adult who has a car and DH has done so many favours for him. I thought he could help just this once as DD is playing eight years and we have never asked before.

Talk to the coach... they'll be used to this.

This is like the fox, the hen and the grain.

MIL takes DD in a taxi. Returns by herself. Goes back by herself in taxi to pick up. Returns with DD. Bit of a faff for MIL and expensive for you but gets the job done.

You are being unreasonable to ask your elderly FIL who is caring for an immobile wife to do something (journey with your DD and sit around for 2 hours) when your 17 year old will not.

Cancel your trip.

😂

Assuming the 17YO doesn't have work or anything cant you bung them a bit of cash to sit in a coffee shop on their phone for a bit? doesn't sound like you're asking a lot I don't think.

Ok. So, in the Uk I’d say 3 teenagers with 1 17 who can’t stay home alone for a couple of nights, or a 16 yo who can’t get herself a short journey away, or a 17yo who can’t get to and sit in a cafe for 2 hours; are babyed.
whilst simultaneously sympathising that it’s a shame for you that he’s not more helpful.

I have text the coach asking would anybody be available to bring DD.

Seems like a good idea especially sine they obviously want her!

Your opinion.

Hallelujah!!

Oh come on, this is just silly now. Goodness, I moved out of home at 16yrs old, are you seriously saying your 17yr old isn't capable of spending 2 hours exploring somewhere new to amuse herself?

You say your children are not babied, yet it seems your 17yr old lacks any sort of independence that would be normal at that age. Are you living in an extremely dangerous country? That's the only reason I can think of as to why your 17 couldn't possibly go somewhere she's never been before.

Your FIL is an arse and I would be annoyed too. But you are also unreasonable for shooting down every suggestion. You have also not exactly given a reason as to why your 17 year old won’t help his sibling on what appears to be an important one off occasion. Why would you not expect him to wait for her for a couple of hours?

There are coffee shops all accessible by car. DD17 doesnt know the area.

So she doesn't drive?

Great. You can obviously offer to return the favour in future.

Your FIL isn't going to do it. So you need to forget him and come up with another plan, otherwise your DD simply won't be able to go to her match.

Why book instead of asking 1st?

There are solutions to this problem that don’t include FIL either take them or cancel your holiday.

The 17 could just go to the clubhouse and have a coffee and study there

OP: I would never expect her to do that