FIL pissed me of

[Shakeyshakeybaby]

So totally expect to be told I'm unreasonable but hear me out. Myself and DH are married 25 years, three DC aged 17 , 16 and 14. We have only been away from our kids once since the oldest was born and that was for three nights. PIL minded the kids. They have never offered and apart from those three nights we never asked as we knew they wouldn't mind the kids , especially FIL.

So about three weeks ago my DH booked two nights away for me and him. It's a 40 minute flight. He asked MIL could she just stay the two nights in our house with the kids. She agreed. Kids get on well with MIL. Kids are good kids but just wanted an adult there with us being in a different country. All good so far.

The thing is one of our DDs plays soccer at a high level and she has just signed for a new team and has a match on Sunday. We thought all the paperwork might not be gone through on time so we would be ok to go away. Bear in mind that during the season we are unable to go away due to her football.

So DH asked FIL could he bring her. His response was " no I go to lidl on a Sunday morning". This was after DH had just done FIL a huge favour ( not the first time). He then had the neck to say" I will drop your mother around on Friday night, I heard you are ordering takeaway so I will stay for that and then head home"

I also don't see why a babysitter is needed when you've got a 17-year-old in the house tbh. It sounds as if some of your problems are because you expect to do all the problem-solving for your kids when they should be doing some of it themselves, being nearly at adulthood now.

What a selfish horrible prick

Going forward, I would encourage them to become familiar with public transport and it would be useful for your eldest to start learning to drive. It sounds as if it’s a necessary skill where you live.

Is taking lessons at the minute.

They do use public transport but there is no public transport to this pitch. Its in another county.

Every solution that is suggested you have a reason why it doesn't work, it seems all you want is confirmation that FIL is unreasonable! But the fact is he hasn't done anything so far in 17 years and he doesn't want to break his routine so you were pretty unreasonable to expect some change in him to miraculously occur. If it's impossible to get there then you have 2 options (1) cancel your flights, bear the cost, stay at home, take her yourself (2) tell the coach she can't make her first session as you didn't expect it come through so quickly.

If she was mine she'd be getting a taxi and taking herself, yes it's expensive for you, but probably not as much as losing the flight/hotel money.

So it doesn't matter that she doesn't know the area?

I was thinking that they could drive but wouldn't.

Good lord, have you guys not heard of Uber?

It's so funny because everytime I read posts on here about leaving kids at home the poster is immediately jumped on and told they are unreasonable for even thinking about leaving their kids overnight and that nobody has been away from their kids until they are at least 30 and then only if grandparent, neighbour, local police drop in and check on them.

Go on op

post a thread where the “child” is 17

Not harping on.

She can't drive until she has completed a set number of lessons( by law) and learner drivers are not permitted to drive on their own until they have passed their test.

Sounds like your 16 year old is going to need to get more used to travel. My children have also represented our country in sport, countless times and it's not a team sport. We are in Australia but they've been to many Asian and European countries mainly, as well as North America. As much as we would have liked to, we could just not afford to go with them, so from the age of 15 they've travelled alone. Usually there's someone to meet them at the other end point, but we are talking long haul, stop overs in far flung places and navigating many transport systems alone.

It sounds like your DD is pretty good, so just skipping the game isn't viable. While catching taxis might not be the norm where you are, in this case, it sounds like she's just going to have to do it. Book the journey now, make sure DD has your taxi app on her phone and I'd make sure they had Uber, Grab or whatever the most popular travel apps for your country all set up on her phone too.

In a team sport she probably won't have to travel alone often, but it's only 27km in daytime. It wouldn't occur to me that this would be an issue at all.

You said yourself there’s a coffee shop but mainly 16yo has the decision of not going or getting a taxi. I don’t see why she needs someone to go. Be good for her to be pushed outside her comfort zone

FIL sounds grim, if his son cant talk to him ....
i feel for you not having any support with your kids in teen years particularly with high level sporting teens (im an ex high level swimming mum and that was a challenge,i couldnt have done it with family and other sporting parents support)
How far away (time) is the trip, could you reach out to other football team parents ? meet up and get to know them ?

OP what are you hoping to get out of this thread? Your FIL sounds like a total arse but you already knew that.

Various people have offered solutions but you have given (sometimes enigmatic) reasons why they won’t work. If the only person in your life who could drive her there is FIL and he is refusing then you have two options:

1. DD doesn’t go to football
2. you and DH don’t go on holiday

Choose your preferred option and have done with it.

People just come on here to be twats because they don’t dare in real life. Ignore them!

@Shakeyshakeybaby There’s always a couple of people who panic leaving fully-grown adults alone but most of us aren’t like that. My DS (17) is fine on his own, as was DD at the same age.

Mind you, we know several neighbors well and they keep an eye on him…he knows not to throw a party!

I agree that your FIL is selfish.

This. Don’t do things for bad people in the hope that you get a payout via inheritence. With care fees, it probably won’t be there

Thanks for understanding. The club is 27km which doesn't sound much but in our country its the equivalent of say Liverpool to Manchester with no public transport. We will get to know the other parents but as DD just joined we don't know anyone yet.

You’d think he’d want to go and watch his Grandchild play football. What a miserable sod.

My opinion too … and many others’ here. You’re coming up with too many excuses as to why this is a problem tbh. It sounds as though you just want to keep bashing your fil 🤷🏻‍♀️

Dd will have to miss this game and start the werk after.

She can't drive until she has completed a set number of lessons( by law) and learner drivers are not permitted to drive on their own until they have passed their test.

Well obviously, that's pretty standard.

So they were never really a contender for getting the 16yr old there!

If a taxi was a possibility I'd expect a 16yr to take that option tbh.

It's mind boggling OP

I really don't see the issue with getting your other DD to sit in the coffee shop "she doesn't know the area" - errr, so?? Has she got google maps?? Google the nearest coffee shop and go to it?!

Unless you're about to drop a major drip feed that you're actually in the middle of Iraq, then I don't see the issue