FIL pissed me of

[Shakeyshakeybaby]

So totally expect to be told I'm unreasonable but hear me out. Myself and DH are married 25 years, three DC aged 17 , 16 and 14. We have only been away from our kids once since the oldest was born and that was for three nights. PIL minded the kids. They have never offered and apart from those three nights we never asked as we knew they wouldn't mind the kids , especially FIL.

So about three weeks ago my DH booked two nights away for me and him. It's a 40 minute flight. He asked MIL could she just stay the two nights in our house with the kids. She agreed. Kids get on well with MIL. Kids are good kids but just wanted an adult there with us being in a different country. All good so far.

The thing is one of our DDs plays soccer at a high level and she has just signed for a new team and has a match on Sunday. We thought all the paperwork might not be gone through on time so we would be ok to go away. Bear in mind that during the season we are unable to go away due to her football.

So DH asked FIL could he bring her. His response was " no I go to lidl on a Sunday morning". This was after DH had just done FIL a huge favour ( not the first time). He then had the neck to say" I will drop your mother around on Friday night, I heard you are ordering takeaway so I will stay for that and then head home"

Oh he’s a piece of work isn’t he. Next time he asks your DH for help say it’s Lidl time. Your dd can miss one go - it’s not ideal but they might have been ill etc Try and enjoy your break it sounds like you deserve it

So MIL can't do anything cos of bad knees.
Uncle is unreliable.
Siblings won't help out.
Child doesn't like taxis.
Taxis are too expensive.

So it's maybe starting to look a bit more reasonable why FIL doesn't want to get roped into drive 55 km and waiting around for hours on his Sunday morning, as no one else seems to be up for the job either.

They are actually looking forward to having their Grandmother staying. They get on well and watch movies together and chat about everything. She will only be here from about 8pm onwards both nights, she will go back to her house during the day as she lives very close.

So mil is out
Fil is out

DD going to have to put her big girl pants on and get a taxi / bus / message coach to ask if any of team local

This is probably your only option if taxi isn't one. Contact coach and see who is local or she will have to get public transport - I am surprised you booked this considering its her first game at high level but I read you didn't expect her to be signed so quickly?

How did your daughter hear about the sports team? You seem reluctant to ask anyone for help with a lift, despite saying she has only just joined and you don't know where others live. Maybe someone does live close enough to do it this once.

Bad planning all round. She'll have to get the bus or let the coach know she's not available.

Really not necessary. MIL had a knee replacement and has previously had spinal surgery. I wouldn't expect my 17 year old to stand in the cold for two hours. Where we live nobody would ever put their 16 year old in a taxi to attend a football match. BIL would do it but yes he is unreliable and I couldn't risk him not turning up.

dd either gets a bus or a taxi if not then she misses the match. It’s pretty simple.

The FIL is clearly an idiot but I'd be very concerned about my kids if, at an age where they can legally get married and have their own children, they are unable to stay on their own or get in a taxi to take them 15 miles down the road. Maybe this a good opportunity for them to gain some independence?

I would ask again. Perhaps he doesn't know how important this is. He sounds a bit like my son who's autistic. His routine is x so doesn't see an alternative. Offer an alternative. Could he go to lidl on Saturday or drop her off at football then go to lidl there

Where we live nobody would ever put their 16 year old in a taxi to attend a football match.

speak for your own Op.

First match of new signing. 16 years old. Mine wouldn’t blink about a taxi

Also this. She's quite capable at that age ti get herself on a bus and go herself

Or messages coach to ask if any local team players

Well it Isn’t important enough for 17 year old sibling to suck up 2 hours.

and it isn’t important enough for the 16 year old to get a taxi / bus / message coach!

Yes I agree with this also

What did your DH say to his DF (your FIL) when his father said he couldnt take your DD to football as he had to go to Lidl?
I can see why you are disappointed but from what you have said its nota suprise/shock.
Could you get a friend or another footballing parent to take your DD on this occassion?

If you can't persuade FiL by bigging up his role of "grandad to a star footballer" then you need to find someone else/taxi/public transport. Could the unreliable uncle stay over so you know he's nearby? Any friends who would help for fuel money?

There is no direct public transport to the club she is playing against so that's not an option. I know in the UK it's common for children to use trains etc to get to school but we don't have that type of transport system where we live. My friend in the UK thinks a two hour journey to work is normal.

She was scouted by the club and has been called up to play for our country in two upcoming friendlies abroad. She has played since she's 8 and we have never missed one match or training session unless of course DD has been injured or unwell.

Can your DD get to the closest station then taxi? So it's only a short taxi ride.

It is pretty normal for 16+ to sort their own transport. My DS plays a high level sport and has to get himself all over the place.

Well unless your dd takes a taxi or
messages the coach…. She’s is
not going anywhere

Call her in sick then!
Or just ring the coach and explain that this is the only week you can’t get her there. It’s really not a big deal

She has a match on Sunday with a new team and hasn’t once been to a training session with the team?

He didn't say anything. You can't talk to FIL unfortunately for reasons I won't get into here. We don't know any parents yet and if we did it would mean them driving considerably out of their way to pick DD up. No friend I could ask.

so she calls in sick that day and misses game. shit happens