FIL pissed me of

[Shakeyshakeybaby]

So totally expect to be told I'm unreasonable but hear me out. Myself and DH are married 25 years, three DC aged 17 , 16 and 14. We have only been away from our kids once since the oldest was born and that was for three nights. PIL minded the kids. They have never offered and apart from those three nights we never asked as we knew they wouldn't mind the kids , especially FIL.

So about three weeks ago my DH booked two nights away for me and him. It's a 40 minute flight. He asked MIL could she just stay the two nights in our house with the kids. She agreed. Kids get on well with MIL. Kids are good kids but just wanted an adult there with us being in a different country. All good so far.

The thing is one of our DDs plays soccer at a high level and she has just signed for a new team and has a match on Sunday. We thought all the paperwork might not be gone through on time so we would be ok to go away. Bear in mind that during the season we are unable to go away due to her football.

So DH asked FIL could he bring her. His response was " no I go to lidl on a Sunday morning". This was after DH had just done FIL a huge favour ( not the first time). He then had the neck to say" I will drop your mother around on Friday night, I heard you are ordering takeaway so I will stay for that and then head home"

It's not that she has a happy family unit, it's that she has a problem for every solution.

Why can't she go in the taxi on her own or a train. I would have thought a 16 yr would be able to handle independent travel

why can't daughter miss the game ffs. by the sounds of it she's been lifted and laid to everything. it's 1 game. no biggie.

When my mum was weeks away from dying, we moved to an isolated rental to be near her. DH had to go on a work trip so we asked his parents to come and help me out with our 2 small children. My MIL came but my FIL refused because he had a golf tournament to play. MIL was therefore stressed the whole time because she can't seem to do without FIL, so she was passive aggressive, anxious and unhelpful for the entire week, adding to my sadness and stress during an incredibly difficult time.

I've secretly never forgiven the bastard.

Fil is horrible but of course you should get a taxi for your dd, it’s weird not to

I was a teenager in the 90's playing a team sport,.and the arrangement for away matches was get to the clubhouse and I would get a lift. Every team with non-driving members has to organise the same thing for non driving members.

And I had a huge kit bag to lug about. No one expects the team to randomly plan public transport all over the region. It's a TEAM

Think the op left this post some time ago. But clearly should have sorted out arrangements before booking the holiday.

Your FIL is an arse. Unless you have a child that plays high level sport you won’t understand. I totally understand, my child played academy level football and the commitment required by the child and parent is a lot. Training 3 times a week and a match on the weekend. Life was football July to May. Basically you do your holidays and weekend trips etc in June when it’s off season. This is still my child’s life but thankfully not mine now as they are an adult now who takes themselves to training and to meet the team coach for matches. I just go to home games to watch.

I hope BIL turns up and get a her there on time, I know she will be anxious first game etc.

However until she is driving, after this trip I think you best going back to living your life in off season. Good luck daughter and enjoy your trip.

Even more reason to just put her in a taxi tbh.

OP what Country do you live in? You just keep saying “we don’t live in the UK” implying your lives are drastically different 😵‍💫 WHERE in the world is life so different that 16 and 17 year olds cannot be left alone and need helicopter parenting??

“Where we live nobody would ever put their 16 year old in a taxi to attend a football match.”

If it is Ireland OP is right on this point. Sixteen year olds don’t travel to matches 27km away in taxis. They just don’t. They get a lift from someone.

I think it’s Ireland. She says they are left alone, including I think overnight, but they not left alone overnight when the parents are out of the country. How does this affect whether her dd can get to her game or not?

Gosh this is fascinating. Other country. An hour drive. But can’t get a taxi.

Do you live in South Korea and are trying to get to North Korea?

Very entertaining thread, OP has played a blinder here.

Why does that explain the reluctance to take taxis?

Are you in Ireland?

I wouldn’t be doing him any more favours!

Why not?

Seems a perfectly reasonable suggestion

At 16 I was working full time and living in a shared flat paying my own rent and getting myself to and from work.
At 17 I was married and at 18 I moved 300 miles to a place I wasn’t familiar with.

All without the aid of the internet and a mobile phone.

At 10 dd was travelling 25 miles to school by train and tube.

Might I suggest you are teaching your children to be helpless.

It’s 16 miles. So what you are going from one county to another.
There is transport available, there are solutions, you and your children think they are above using it.

In which case if they can get themselves to a nearby train station then can’t one of the fellow team members parents pick them up?

Never ever do your FIL a favour ever again.

Excellent I’d give him a call morning of or as GM to call him to make sure he’s on time

good luck to DD!

Only major cities have trains. Some counties don't have any trains. Some people live far from cities, they can be a long bus journey to the nearest train station.

For example, my sister in Cavan, no train station, would get bus eireann into Dublin to get a train, that's a 2hr journey on the bus after walking 1 hour to bus station.

Many / most towns don't have a train, our trains are the worst of all the public transport

Cultural reasons - not acceptable for young girls to be in a taxi unaccompanied with a man (taxi driver) they don't know.

OP has never said she is part of the Irish travelling community! She hasn’t even confirmed she’s in Ireland.

FWIW I am in Ireland and my 16 year old DC would not be taking a taxi to a match 27 km away. Much too expensive with call out fees too and no guarantee that they’d turn up to give a lift home. Many of the pitches are in the middle of nowhere and are not well served by public transport. Or served by public transport at all.