FIL pissed me of

[Shakeyshakeybaby]

So totally expect to be told I'm unreasonable but hear me out. Myself and DH are married 25 years, three DC aged 17 , 16 and 14. We have only been away from our kids once since the oldest was born and that was for three nights. PIL minded the kids. They have never offered and apart from those three nights we never asked as we knew they wouldn't mind the kids , especially FIL.

So about three weeks ago my DH booked two nights away for me and him. It's a 40 minute flight. He asked MIL could she just stay the two nights in our house with the kids. She agreed. Kids get on well with MIL. Kids are good kids but just wanted an adult there with us being in a different country. All good so far.

The thing is one of our DDs plays soccer at a high level and she has just signed for a new team and has a match on Sunday. We thought all the paperwork might not be gone through on time so we would be ok to go away. Bear in mind that during the season we are unable to go away due to her football.

So DH asked FIL could he bring her. His response was " no I go to lidl on a Sunday morning". This was after DH had just done FIL a huge favour ( not the first time). He then had the neck to say" I will drop your mother around on Friday night, I heard you are ordering takeaway so I will stay for that and then head home"

Do you have a good friend who could help out?

17 year old can sit in one of the lovely cafes. It’s one time.

She trained twice this week and has a match on Sunday... yes very normal in football.

If you want a holiday and you chose to have children, it doesn't mean that FIL should be ready to drop anything, even "a Lidl visit".
You and your husband make other arrangements.

So she’s met the coach and met her team mates

so message the coach to ask if anyone local!!!

I would not expect her to do that.

Oh this is getting silly 😁

Surely your 17yr old could sit in a café while the match is on, so they're not out in the cold?

Your FIL is an ass, I'd be so pissed off at him having the bloody takeaway that you're paying for when he won't do this for you.

I think you'll just have to take the hit on the flights, cancel the trip, take her yourself, and then at least you won't miss her first match with them, then tell FIL, sorry, no takeaway, we've had to cancel because there's no one willing to take DD to football.

I have already said there is nobody local. We don't live near the club.

17 year old wouldn't have to stand in the cold for two hours because there are lovely coffee shops nearby (and a Lidl!). All the kids could go and make a day out. 16 year old could get taxi on her own and put on headphones/pretend to sleep if she doesn't want to chat.

She should email coach and find out where nearest player lives. Grandad (or taxi or bus) takes her to where she can get picked up.

Selfish git.

Surely your husband could challenge him & say you could go to Lidl another time?

He really wouldn't care if we cancelled.

Doesn’t look like your 17 year old would either!

Why would your 17yo have to stand around in the cold, but your fil would go to a nice warm coffee shop? Surely she could also go to the coffee shop.

I started off thinking Yanbu and feeling for you that your fil isn’t interested in helping out, but equally you don’t seem to expect anything of other people who should be perfectly capable, but you expect your fil to jump in. Maybe he thinks that your children are old enough to not need this level of babying, as many would?

You deserve a break. If your FIL can't do this favour and you are not willing to ask your 17 year old to do it, surely you can send apologies to the new team saying that due to a pre-existing commitment your daughter will be unable to make this game??

I know.

If there are no suitable solutions as to all the ones that have been suggested (no idea why a 17yr old can't go to a café for a couple of hours), then you'll just have to cancel the trip and lose the flight money.

OP it's a shame but you booked the trip and it's quite a reach to put this all on FIL. You thought the paperwork might not go through so you booked a trip with no contingency for when the law of sod (which you invoked) struck?

If your 17 can't be expected to do it, then why should your FIL?

I’ve never heard of a 16yo not being able to get a taxi somewhere tbh

My kids are not babyed at all. There are coffee shops all accessible by car. DD17 doesnt know the area.

It's not really your issue to sort. Your daughter is 16 and if she is going to go far in the sport needs to learn to take the initiative and have resilience with your guidance. Depending on the rules in your country she might be only a year off signing a professional contract.

She needs to be messaging the coach and asking for advice on what she can do or speaking with your FIL.

Have you actually asked the coach if there is anyone who would be able to help, or are you just assuming there isnt?

Have you asked the 17 year old to accompany the 16 year old in a taxi? What is their reason for saying no?

It all sounds very helpless...these are near enough adults, someone needs to show a bit of dynamism

It's not common in our country at all.

Well then you’d be better off asking on a parenting forum based in your own country.

Because in the UK - a 16 year old getting public transport or a transport to her first signing on match would be no big deal at all

Well you need to. It’s what siblings do for each other

There will be a clubhouse where the match is playing almost certainly seeing refreshments and somewhere warm