FIL pissed me of

[Shakeyshakeybaby]

So totally expect to be told I'm unreasonable but hear me out. Myself and DH are married 25 years, three DC aged 17 , 16 and 14. We have only been away from our kids once since the oldest was born and that was for three nights. PIL minded the kids. They have never offered and apart from those three nights we never asked as we knew they wouldn't mind the kids , especially FIL.

So about three weeks ago my DH booked two nights away for me and him. It's a 40 minute flight. He asked MIL could she just stay the two nights in our house with the kids. She agreed. Kids get on well with MIL. Kids are good kids but just wanted an adult there with us being in a different country. All good so far.

The thing is one of our DDs plays soccer at a high level and she has just signed for a new team and has a match on Sunday. We thought all the paperwork might not be gone through on time so we would be ok to go away. Bear in mind that during the season we are unable to go away due to her football.

So DH asked FIL could he bring her. His response was " no I go to lidl on a Sunday morning". This was after DH had just done FIL a huge favour ( not the first time). He then had the neck to say" I will drop your mother around on Friday night, I heard you are ordering takeaway so I will stay for that and then head home"

Why can’t they all go in an uber? MIL could do with dd and leave the other two at home

Your FIL is a prick (and he could whistle Dixie for any future favours from DH - fuck him) but there are ways round it - if you want. So, to take your points separately:

1. You have a choice between staying at home and losing the money for the flights, or going on holiday and paying for a taxi. Which will cost you the more money?
2. DD17 steps up to the plate, demonstrates that she is indeed approaching adulthood and accompanies DD16 in the taxi. As for your "I would not expect her to do that" - that tells me that you haven't even asked her. Why not? Is she following in her grandfather's footsteps and is a budding selfish arse? Or something you haven't mentioned?
3. "There are coffee shops all accessible by car. DD17 doesnt know the area." That's where Google Earth comes in handy, scouting out the area in advance and checking out the coffee shops.
4. Or, DD17 could stand in the cold for two hours watching DD16 play and showing a bit of sisterly solidarity. She can wrap up warm.
5. MIL accompanies DD16 in the taxi, taxi takes her to a coffee shop after dropping DD16 off. Mil arranges taxi to pick her up from coffee shop then DD16 from football , and home.

It's doable, with either DD17 or MIL stepping up, and the expenditure on taxis. Or, you forfeit your holiday. Pick one.

Why are you being so rude to the op? Every single reply of yours has been rude, verging on bullying. Why are you so invested?

Your daughter misses the match then .
So much pandering .
Your fil could do you a favour but he isn't obliged to and at 16 probably thinks your daughter should be a bit more independent.
Honestly op mine where working at 16 one was in the forces living 120 miles away .
As a previous poster said you kids are babied and pandered to.
Its up to you to decide what's more important your daughter's match or weekend away .

Either you go away and DD misses a game or you stay and take her yourself.

Your FIL can pay for someone to give him a lift when he needs one.

Does your daughter actually want to be in the team? If so, she needs to start taking responsibility for getting herself to matches.

So what if your 17 year old has to stand in the cold for two hours - it won’t kill her!

She sounds very much like her Grandad!

Unfortunately you have very selfish family members.

Can't one of the others accompany the football one? Does there need to be someone over 18 involved?
Is it possible to get to football on public transport or just use a taxi?

You could call your FIL out on the favour your dog has done for him and say it’s really not pleasant the sh helps him but in return sh gets a no when asked for a favour

and should we think about saying no next time you ask for a favour

Can you maybe ring the coach and explain? Coach might know someone local to you. Offer to exchange lifts with another family in the future?

Tell him you won't be getting take away anymore that your using the take away money for DDs taxi fare to the soccer game

That wouldn't help with the actual dilemma, though, which is that the 16-year-old has no way of getting to her football match.

Having someone stay over with the kids isn't what the OP is worrying about. It's getting her DD to a football match she's obliged to play in because she's signed a contract.

Yes, OP, your FIL is an arsehole for not agreeing to forgo his Sunday morning supermarket trip to a specific branch of Lidl on ONE day of his life to do give his granddaughter ONE lift. Obviously he isn't obliged to help, but he's a complete cunt for not doing so given that you never usually ask for anything and it's one bloody morning out of 18 years of being a grandparent.

Not dog husband 🤦‍♀️

What an absolute dickhead your FIL is, total and utter knob. Fucking Lidl!

You won't change his mind but I'd still follow up with him. I'd text him myself. Then you'd be well justified in doing nothing for the prick ever again.

"Hi FIL, I know you said to DH you will be at Lidl but we are very stuck on Saturday morning. It is DD's first match with a new team. She takes it seriously as you know. It's too late for us to change the flights. Also, there is a Lidl close by and coffee shops. I'm hoping you will reconsider."

At least so he's forced to acknowledge what a shite he is.

My dad was like this.

"Dad it's lashing rain and the area is dangerous after dark around here. Can you drive me to my apartment gates? It will only take 5 mins in the car."
"Ahhhh no I won't pet. The car is facing the wrong direction to where I'm going. I don't want to turn it around. Come here and give your old man a hug. I'll see you soon "

Selfish git. As I got older I would say it directly "ok so to clarify - you won't drive me five minutes out of your way, ten in both directions and you're happy for me to be in danger because I travelled to a place that was convenient for you?"

As I said he's unlikely to change his mind so really a taxi is the best option, drop DD at football then granny / older sibling to the match and same for reverse leg. It'll be expensive I know.

Forget your FIL.
These are your choices, don't go and take your daughter yourselves.

Let your 17 year old daughter step up, and go with the 16 year old in the taxi.can't do two hours in the cold, that's pathetic.

Or, your 16 year gets a taxi on her own which you pay for, and if she does not like it she deos not go.

You know what a selfish git fil is, so now no favours for him in the future. No good moaning now, the answer is in your hands.

Yes, good question, what is the op expecting from this thread? Perhaps for the wrath of mumsnet to descend on FIL and convert him into a reasonable person?

Third option: DD goes to football by taxi - yeah a 27km private hire car ride will be expensive, but less than op losing flights & accomm. Pre-booked is very safe.

Fourth option, DD gets on to her coach, explains the situation and asks his advice - he may be able to organise a lift, or offer something else to make the taxi ride less daunting.

Just say you cant make the first week?

Tell your 17 yo DD, that she has to do it or you’ll have to cancel your trip. If she still says no, cancel your trip. Then absolutely treat her and Fil for the selfish twats that they are. Give no future help to either!

He’s a twat but what can you do about it. Could you not get in touch with the team and see if any parents are your way to give her a lift? Or could you get her an uber & MIL or one of her siblings to go with her

Is there any of your daughters friends or friends kids that can drive? I'd pay them (or your other daughter) to take her (I don't think it's a huge ask to ask your older daughter to take her and sit in a cafe as a one off)

I'm guessing you're in Ireland OP. Ubers and taxis do exist in Ireland. I know kids who occasionally take taxis to and from primary school.

Not expecting the 17 year old to stand and watch her sister for two hours is bollocks. You're acting like a martyr and your kids will grow up to be the same unless you adopt more of a 'can do' attitude.

27km is nothing.

So it's OK for 1 dc to play in the cold for 2 hours but not one presumably wearing appropriate clothing to stand at the side?
And they aren't babied?
Hell's bells...

I read you didn't expect her to be signed so quickly?

Yes, so why are you asking the question?

At 17 I had a flat and a dc... Spent more than 2 hours cold walking a pram around....

Ask the coach, maybe they can forward the plea on the what's app group or parents that live close.

There's no point is stressing over grumpy FIL. It would have been nice if he'd helped but he's not going to do you need to forget it and look for an alternative.

CF thinking he'll stay for a freebie take-away.