Ex wife still has husband’s surname

[ByCyanPlayer]

Am I wrong to be peeved that my husband’s ex-wife still uses his surname, despite them being divorced 28 years and they were only married for 2 years? They share a son who is 30 but I fail to see why she can’t go back to her maiden name, plus she isn’t the type to be bothered about her and her son having the same surname.

It’s her name. She doesn’t have to change it.

Why does it bother you?

I don’t think it’s your business. It’s her name now. Why does it bother you? One of my friends is divorced and she’s kept her married surname. The new partner gets annoyed too which we slightly chuckle about (as they had an affair). But it’s her name and has been for years.

Log it with 101 ASAP

I can’t say I would let this bother me or be giving it any thought.

Yes you are. She may have only been married for 2 years but she has had that name for 30 years.

Its not his. Its hers.

Tell your husband to change his name to yours.
She has probably used that name longer than her 'maiden' name. Hate that term, the way it drips with patriarchy.

It's not something you can do anything about.

I don't understand it either.
My mum has been married and divorced 3 times and always kept the ex husband's surname until she remarried.
She's been living with her partner now for 25yrs without getting married and still has my old stepdads surname, despite not even seeing him for a long time.

When I got divorced, I wanted to go back to my old name as soon as possible.

add 'The Second' after your name on any documents

Is it a particularly unusual name?

Either way you are being ridiculous. You don’t own the name now you are married to him. You don’t own the man either…

You are being unreasonable.

I was only married to my ex-husband for four years, but it was important to both my daughter and me that we shared the same name.

The only reason we don't share the same name now, is because I have remarried. If I hadn't, I would still have my ex-husband's name.

Why does it bother you so much?

It's her name now too...

What was her maiden name @ByCyanPlayer ?

Why don’t you and your husband both change your name to something new? Of course she wants the same name as her child.

I don't think OP is going to disclose the first wife's old surname, that would be a bit weird, and outing.

I don't understand why anybody would want to keep their ex's surname - I changed mine by deedpoll, before the divorce was finalised.

My boyfriend has 2 ex-wives, and it was similar situation with the first wife to the op. She only changed hers recently when she re-married.

It doesn't bother me in the slightest, but I don't have any plans to re-marry.

A common and short one-syllable surname, nothing unusual or difficult to spell

Yes, I believe you are.

Nobody owns a name and if you've ever changed yours you'll know what a pain it is to do. To have to do it again if you're really not bothered is ludicrous.

When we were talking about getting married, my DH was incredibly hurt that I was considering not taking his name and got quite upset about it. I wanted the same name as any children we might have and he wouldn't consider changing to my name so I reflected and decided it meant more to him than me so I changed my name. However it was a ballache changing it and I wouldn't do it again.

His ex still has his name from 20 years ago, similar to you in that they were only married a couple of years but no children. He had the audacity to whinge about it once, I put him straight and said if he made he fuss he made to me when they were getting married, he has no right to whinge if she keeps the name!

This HAS to be a reverse, or satire. But I'll bite anyway.

It's HER NAME, not his. She might have taken it in the beginning so they had the same name, but it is hers now legally and morally.

My sister still uses her ex husband name despite being divorced nearly 30 years ago and having another partner for 15 years. I can reassure you that she hasn’t got even tiny amount of feelings towards her ex. At the moment of their divorce her cards and passport were in that name, she was known at work under that name and more importantly it was DC’s surname too.
So yes, you are making an issue out of nothing.

Lots of people do this, most often when they share children with that surname. It has been her name for so long, it’s probably just her identity now and way too much hassle to change.

As a second wife who kept her own surname while the first wife still has his you are being completely unreasonable.

Her name is her business, your name is yours.

Because I wanted to have the same surname as my children, and it was my surname. It doesn’t belong to my ex.

Beyond ridiculous. It has been her name for 30 years. You aren’t his first wife, and you’re just going to have to deal with that and share being Mrs Husband’sName.

I can see this from both sides. My partner of nearly 15 years has an ex-wife who kept his surname.

I have an ex-husband and I changed my surname by deed poll the day he moved out.

If I married my long term partner, I would not change my surname to his.

So you made a choice to have the same surname as his ex-wife, you can't now be all pissed off she has the same name and you can't do anything about it.