Ex wife still has husband’s surname

630 replies

ByCyanPlayer · 15/01/2026 11:31

Am I wrong to be peeved that my husband’s ex-wife still uses his surname, despite them being divorced 28 years and they were only married for 2 years? They share a son who is 30 but I fail to see why she can’t go back to her maiden name, plus she isn’t the type to be bothered about her and her son having the same surname.

OP posts:

Mithral · 25/01/2026 16:29

I changed my name getting married 20 years ago. I actually really regret it now, I can't believe I did it. No point changing now I think but I wish I'd given it more thought at the time.

Wingingit73 · 25/01/2026 17:10

Leave her alone. Same name as son. Not a problem.

Climbingrosexx · 25/01/2026 18:50

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 25/01/2026 15:26

I think it’s a slippery slope to other more damaging elements of our societal set up. I think, based on those I know (and whose stories are shared on here) that women who change their names are also more likely to believe that women should be primary caregiver to children and by default, household chores. They will likely want lower paid roles and less responsibility at work that allow part time working, and also lower opportunity, pension etc. Meanwhile the men continue unhindered by such annoyances as sick children or grocery shopping. Women become subsumed by domesticity and assume it is what they are best at. They become boring with few interests and there are other shiny and exciting women to be distracted by.

It is so much easier for men to walk away when they feel little responsibility - look how many women dance around unreliable fathers who want contact with their kids on their own terms. Who have been absolutely shafted by long stints of part time working or SAHM. And to add insult to injury, they gave their children a name that ties hers too.

My employer gives 6 months full paid paternity pay (mirrors maternity) - which is almost always taken. Less than 1% of men go part time afterwards compared to more than 75% of women. Because the overall expectation is men provide and women care. How we change this is by women demanding that men do differently.

But you can see on this thread how it is those of us actively seek/demand change are denigrated by the patriarchy-gripped women bleating about “choice”.

Not one benefit has been cited for women changing their names rather than men. Interesting lack of evidence there.

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Well I don't recognise myself in any of that. As for carrying on his name with kids/grandkids we won't be having any children so that's not an issue either. I work full time, we share everything 50/50. So safe to say I am comfortable with my choices, life and the name I chose to take.

Incidentally I know someone who kept her name but can't seem to think for herself. She is so influenced by her know it all husband its tragic.

Anyway its your opinion, you are welcome to it but it doesn't make it an absolute truth.

bakebeans · 25/01/2026 18:53

YaBU.
My friend loathed her ex but her surname went much better than her maiden name and she went on to have a successful business. To go back to her maiden name would have been an absolute dire move

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 25/01/2026 19:36

Climbingrosexx · 25/01/2026 18:50

Incidentally I know someone who kept her name but can't seem to think for herself. She is so influenced by her know it all husband its tragic.

Anyway its your opinion, you are welcome to it but it doesn't make it an absolute truth.

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Your evidence of 1 is swamped by thousands of other stories on here aside from anything else.

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