Ex wife still has husband’s surname

[ByCyanPlayer]

Am I wrong to be peeved that my husband’s ex-wife still uses his surname, despite them being divorced 28 years and they were only married for 2 years? They share a son who is 30 but I fail to see why she can’t go back to her maiden name, plus she isn’t the type to be bothered about her and her son having the same surname.

Nothing to do with you

Absolutely naff all to do with you OP.

My Mum kept her married name when my parents divorced, because a.) she wanted the same surname as her kids, and b.) because it was her bloody name.

I can promise you that keeping it had absolutely nothing to do with any lingering feelings for my Dad, she absolutely loathed him by the end of the marriage, and did so right up until her death.

It wasn't his name she was keeping, it was hers.

Why does it bother you? There must be hundreds or at least dozens of others walking round with that surname.

It's her legal name and if she didn't want to revert to 'maiden' name that's up to her.

You sound very insecure. Do you think he's going to have an affair with his ex? That she's going to somehow pass herself off as you, his current spouse?

If you suspect that he/she must be right dodgy gits.

I’m married and still use my ex husbands name. I like it.

If in being totally honest, there's a part of me that was tempted to change my name to my ex's when he married his psycho bitch wife just to piss them off. (DC had his name and we were never married)

My mum kept her married name when her and my dad divorced. She only changed it when she remarried. Step Dad's ex wife still uses her married name.

My sister changed hers back as soon as she got divorced. She now does nothing but moan that her and the DC have different names and ex DH won't let her change theirs.

Names don't belong to men. Its her name now and she can use it if she wants.

But it’s her name…and has been for 30 years by the sound of things

Even if it’s an unusual/unique surname, it doesn’t matter…it’s HER name

unless his Mum has remarried it'd be III @Sanasaaa 😉

It's her surname. She presumably shares it with her son.

How long do you expect her to have a name before it becomes "hers"? It was also her name before you came along.

I'm divorced 20 years but still use my ex's name. My maiden name was Onions - the fuck am I going back to that! 😀

How can you possibly know that "she's not the type to be bothered about having the same name as her son"?

It's so funny, this name thing. You can share names with other people without eroding your rights to the same name. You're no less of a ByCyanPlayer since finding out your husband's ex has kept the name, literally nothing has changed for you.

There could be a hundred thousand ByCyanPlayers in your city and you'd still be as much of a ByCyanPlayer as you are now.

Wait until you realise that thousands of other people also have the same surname as your DH 😬

Why did you choose to have the same name as her? That’s the odd thing. If it bothered you, why did you do that?

A lot of women want to retain the same name as their children as the child has the father's name
A neighbour of mine has remarried and still retains her ex husbands name as she likes it and not as keen on second husbans name. Good for her I say. We women should all do what we prefer

I never changed mine 2 reasons firstly I really couldn’t be arsed having to notify so many companies . Secondly I spent 20 odd years spelling my maiden name so I was glad to get a normal surname and I was sticking with it until I remarried .

I worked with someone who was with someone whose first name was the same as hers. Her surname was double-barrelled but she wanted to keep her own surname as well as have husband’s surname so she tripled barrelled it! It just seemed really ridiculous.

My mum did this and yes it's weird and it's even weirder now that we are grown up.
(She didn't want acquaintances to know they'd divorced...)

She has HER surname.

Names are not unique, they don't belong to anyone.

You will be mind blown when you find out random women have your husbands surname. He could get a new co-worker with that name or a new neighbor or a new kid in your kids class etc...

You would be even more pissed to realize ANYONE can change their name to his surname for any reason they choose.

Give up your pathetic patriarchal brainwashing that tells you men 'own' women and our identities are linked only to them. For 30 years this woman has had this name and its HERS and only about her now identity, life, achievements, family etc... Maybe your husband should have taken YOUR name instead if it bothers yous so much.

You're being massively, hugely unreasonable. Get a grip

Have you kept your surname or taken your husband’s?

This is a non-issue, but if you’ve changed yours perhaps you see it almost as a reflection of ‘ownership’ by your now husband and her ex-husband.

I genuinely fine it mad and baffling that women routinely call themselves by a different name because they have married someone 🤷‍♀️

They’ve been divorced for 28 yrs, time to stop caring what she does. This makes no difference to your life whatsoever.

You haven't said why it bothers you so much?

My dh was married for 1 year when he was 18. He’s now 44 and been married to me 21 years this year, ex wife still has his name. Couldn’t give a monkeys that she has it.
I don’t understand why it bothers you?

I hope I don't get divorced but if I did, I'd keep my married name. Hated my maiden name for numerous reasons and I want the same name as my children (my daughter might change hers if she marries but I still like that connection).

OP why are you so bothered by it, that you put it in SM?

I mean I kind of get it but also if I ever got divorced I’m keeping my current last name because 1) it sounds way cooler 2) I want the same last name as my kids and 3) all my published work is under that name and it’s how I’m known professionally.

There’s loads of reasons why you might want to keep your ex husbands name and at the end of the day it’s personal. It’s okay to be annoyed but there’s nothing you can do.