Ex wife still has husband’s surname

[ByCyanPlayer]

Am I wrong to be peeved that my husband’s ex-wife still uses his surname, despite them being divorced 28 years and they were only married for 2 years? They share a son who is 30 but I fail to see why she can’t go back to her maiden name, plus she isn’t the type to be bothered about her and her son having the same surname.

She had it before you. She was the original Mrs Player. You're the substitute. Hush.

I find it weird too. I didn’t take XH name when married (which is the norm in the country we married in). Had I have taken it, I would have been changing it back as soon as we divorced.

I was in a relationship with a guy and his ex wife had the same name as me and kept his last name. Had I ever married him, it would have been very strange we had the same name.

I think you are very unreasonable to want her to change her name after nearly 30 years.

Why would it? She probably wouldn’t have been the only one.

plus she isn’t the type to be bothered about her and her son having the same surname.

How would you know this? The DS would have only been 2 when they divorced. And from experience nursery/school defaulted to the child's surname when communicating with parents (although I have seen a big change in this in the past few years) so it's just easier.

I kept my exes name because I did everything, so I wanted to share the same surname. Absolutely zero feelings involved for ex and it was me who instigated the split.

Also can't stand my birth surname.

I'm petty enough that if I had any indication it would annoy my horrible ex I'd keep it.

More so if I thought it might annoy a future partner who would in turn then give him earache about it.

How is this any of your business? She can call herself whatever she likes and does nor require your approval to do so.

You know your husband can change his name to yours, right? That would fix it.

My wicked ex step mother still has my dad's surname. Despite her trying to poison him, making false accusations of domestic violence etc etc. I don't like that she's still using it but I never give it any second thought. Except when I've just remembered to write about it here.

My mum also has it. It means nothing. She kept it so she still had the same surname as the kids.

It really doesn't mean anything if someone keeps it.

The “gift”? Blimey.

It's her name too. After 30 years why on earth would she want to change her name.

YABU. Its nothing to do with you and nothing to do with your husband either. Its her name.

This is a bit ew.

Her name is not your concern.

You're being churlish OP. The name is legally hers. How long have you been with your partner? If it's less than 30 years, then the ex wife is not keeping it just to spite you! I kept my original married name because I wanted my son and I to have the same surname. Also, at the time, it seemed like a lot of hassle to change it back. Now concentrate on your own life and stop being silly.

I really couldn’t have bothered to change my name. I would always have wanted the same surname as my children and once the point that didn’t matter anymore it would be way more hassle than it is worth to change everything again

I changed to DH surname upon marriage - I was unprepared for what a huge hassle it actually was and there was much less in my name then than now.

If I ever divorced DH I'd keep the surname I've had for most of my adult life and that is the same as my DC and if any future partner had an issue they could fuck off as it's nothing at all to do with them.

She had the name 30 years now and it really is nothing to do with you at all. Think it's weird by all means but if it's annoying you well that's your issue to deal with.

Tell him to take your name then?

His surname isn't some exclusive prize you win by being oh so lucky enough to be his Wife - the second one? I cannot fathom this even being an issue.

And if DH and I divorced I would keep my married name because its our DCs name. Couldn't care less how it made you or anyone else feel.

You seem really insecure about the relationship and I'd work on that first.

Get you husband to change his name to your name.
You're welcome!

I imagine she keeps as her identity changed with her marriage so she doesn't see herself as the same person she was before. She will share her surname with her son who is her family and therefore the surname is her family name.

Even if I divorced my husband (god forbid), I would keep my surname because I am part of a family unit with that surname. If he remarried and his new wife was bothered by me keeping my family name, I would think she was a very strange fish/perhaps a bit of a pushy narcissist.

Wtaf has it to do with you?! Thats her name that shes had for decades, probably for longer than you have! Get a hobby 🙄

She wants to have the same family name as her son. Its not rocket maths OP.

I fucking hate my exH for his nasty cheating ways, but it's my name now, it's my children's name and I can't be arsed to change it. In an ideal world I'd never have changed it when I married. If it causes his new wife, the OW, a moment's annoyance, that's good for me and more fool her.

Am I wrong to be peeved that my husband’s ex-wife still uses his surname, despite them being divorced 28 years and they were only married for 2 years?

Yes you are.

It has fuck all to do with you so why are you giving it head space? Do you feel your crown doesn't shine as bright as it should because there is another Mrs X ?