Ex wife still has husband’s surname

[ByCyanPlayer]

Am I wrong to be peeved that my husband’s ex-wife still uses his surname, despite them being divorced 28 years and they were only married for 2 years? They share a son who is 30 but I fail to see why she can’t go back to her maiden name, plus she isn’t the type to be bothered about her and her son having the same surname.

I really don't agree with women changing/being expected to change their surname when they get married! It's a total anachronism, dating back to the times when a wife was a husband's property! It's ridiculous, quite frankly!

Totally agree. Women should keep their names and partners should agree on a fair arrangement for children (double-barreled, have one as a middle name, first child has Mum's surname and second child has Dad's). Personally, I think kids should take their mum's surname since so many mothers end up doing most of the work, but I can see why involved and committed dads might think that was unfair.

So what? I fail to I’d warrant how this bothers you, unless you’re very insecure.

My Mum kept my Dads name when they divorced until the day she died.

my ex husbands first wife also kept his name. Didn’t bother me in the slightest.

I think it’s common for women who want to have the same name as their children. And do you really expect them to change it back when their kids are older? That’s just ridiculous 😂

I LEGALLY changed my name once. I’m not doing it again even though I divorced and remarried. I want to keep the same name as my kids.
With hindsight I wish I’d never changed it in the first place but I would have insisted kids had my name and I wouldn’t double barrel. Their fathers name could be a second christian name.
That would have caused an absolute uproar in 1981.
OP it is her name, it’s not just her ex’s surname.

Sorry, OP but you are being unreasonable and you should examine your conscience as to why this bothers you so much.

You're wrong. Women don't borrow names, if they choose to change their name then it's their name for life, should they want it. Stop being petty and weird.

This!

How do you even know what her surname is?

My friend had this

She married,changed her name and they had a baby (who got saddled with dads name)

They got divorced but she kept the name as she wanted the same as their child but she went on to have more dc with someone else and he was fine with them having 'her' surname

His SISTER got the hump as ex wife 'didnt deserve' to keep 'their' name and she should have named 'her' kids with her maiden name

She was soon put in her box over it

She just couldn't see why my friend would want the same name as her children

Go and piss on the perimeter of her house to mark your territory.

To be the same as her son.
It’s a faff.
Doesn’t like her maiden name.

Do you not have any actual problems in life? Why on earth does this matter to you?

If you dislike her, be peeved if you really must that she and your husband share a son so she has to be in your life. But her name? It’s not as if most surnames are unique. Non-issue. And she’d still be in his life no matter what her name was.

YABU

You can’t erase their history, and I would bet she does prefer to have the same name as her son or she would have changed it wouldn’t she?

Threaten legal action immediately - on fit basis I dinna ken. Solicitor NOW

Absolutely none of your business!

It was probably easier to have the same name as their son when he was a minor - by that point, it'd have been her name for 20 years so why change it?

Why does it peeve you off? Probably says more about your relationship with your husband than his ex's!

It’s none of your business. I’m keeping my married name. Couldn’t give a flying fuck
what any future wife of my ex thinks. If I knew it would piss them off though I most definitely wouldn’t change it.

I want the same name as my daughter and I like my married name more than my
maiden name. So there.

If you don’t like it, don’t get involved with someone who is divorced as you have no say in what they do or don’t do.

I know a couple of people who've kept their ex husband's surname. In both cases it's because they've built their careers under that surname so it would be a lot of hassle to change it.

YABU and I think you need to have a think about why this bothers you.

I’m keeping my ex’s name even though we are divorcing. My maiden name is ugly and difficult to spell and makes me easy to identify on SM. His surname is short, easy and very common, it’s been my name for 16 years and my kids all share it. When I married him it became my name, it wasn’t on loan! My passport, work emails, professional registration is all in this name, no way am I faffing around changing it.

Weird thing to be bothered about. My MIL still has her ex husbands surname, same one as her children and grandchildren. She didn’t want his new wife (who he cheated on her with) having same surname as her kids when she doesn’t. Completely fair imo.

You are being ridiculous. My mum still has her married surname she has been divorced over 35 years. My step mum recently divorced is still using my fathers surname and before that she had her first husband surname. That’s their name.

I imagine she kept it so she had the same name as her son.

😂

In my case, in no particular order:

it’s a really nice unusual name, and it’s my chosen name. I opted to be called it because I like it
I like having the same name as my kids (and now some of my grandkids)
I have publications, and a professional reputation, in that name
changing my documents, bank accounts, mortgage, etc etc seemed like an unnecessary faff

As for the OP, had my ex-husband’s second wife have had a problem with me using the name I’d chosen, I’d have laughed in her face.

Edited to add: it’s now been my name for 50 years (over twice as long as I had my maiden name), almost 40 of them divorced.

🤣 yeah in the case of my father next one would have to add the 4th 😳

I still have my exH surname as it is also our daughters surname and she didn't want to change. It was also my married name for 12 years so I both got used to it and also built my professional reputation as TreeDudette Smith. It's been 6 or so years since we divorced now and I am planning to re-marry and new H will take my name (or rather my exs) so we can be Mr & Mrs Smith as I don't want to change mine and we'd both like the same surname.

YABU - once you marry and take the name that is then your name.

Yes you are wrong to be peeved. She shares her son's name and it's legally hers to use too. It's just a name. Changing your name on everything is a pain so if it aint' broke, don't fix it. Stop overthinking it.