Ex wife still has husband’s surname

[ByCyanPlayer]

Am I wrong to be peeved that my husband’s ex-wife still uses his surname, despite them being divorced 28 years and they were only married for 2 years? They share a son who is 30 but I fail to see why she can’t go back to her maiden name, plus she isn’t the type to be bothered about her and her son having the same surname.

You are being very unreasonable. It’s her name!

My husband’s ex changed her surname when they married and kept it after they split 25 years ago. Apparently, she preferred it to her old surname. No children and they had a very short marriage.

I’ve never given it any thought.

My ex husband's ex wife also kept his name. It is a nice name. Maybe nicer than her maiden name? Not sure what that was, but I am guessing. I kept mine all along as I am fond of it, so didn't bother me...and I am VERY glad I did!😁It makes me wonder whether you have some kind of underlying envy or resentment? Otherwise why would you care after all these years?

I'm more surprised by the number of women who changed their surname to their husband's when they married. I didn't realise it was still as common

I've kept mine and not changing it anytime soon.

This. Maybe worth speaking with a solicitor as well? Can’t let the cheeky bitch use someone else’s name for over 30 years! Or even share it with her son!

FFS….get over it! It’s only a name and she took it when she married, doesn’t mean she’s got to revert to her maiden name after the divorce, which does involve a cost I might add.

Perhaps she had an unusual maiden name that she prefers not to use, hence she retains her married name. I know I did.

I kept my surname when we got divorced. Note I said my surname, because it’s not his it’s mine having officially taken it.

I kept it because it’s the same name as my children.

Didn't you?

I suppose if you didn't know a woman before she married, you wouldn't know if she changed her name or not, but most families where the parents are married all have the same name.

I think without asking the EX wife why she has kept her married name when divorced its impossible to say wether your should be peeved tbh.
She may have valid reasons and it is her prerogative .
My friend kept her Ex Husbands name after a relatively short marriage, she said it was initially to have the same name as her children and then felt it to tedious/hastle/effort to change years later when the children were grown up.
But honestly, if she just said "i prefer this name" that would be ok.
I think the only circumstances for you to feel peeved would be if she said i keep it just to piss you off......

What's it got to do with you? How is this actually having any material impact on you?

Being this insecure/territorial about a surname is fucking weird. Anyone can call themselves anything they like and it's nobody else's business.

It's mental that you resent someone he was married to for about five minutes, 28 years ago. Why are you even giving her a second's thought? Their child is 30. It's not like you have to see this woman for shared custody handovers, FFS.

Not sure how in would affect your life in any way at all.

As common? It’s still the norm. 80-85% apparently.

My friend kept her married name after her divorce. She married young and established her career under her married name and also didn't like her maiden name so didn't want to change it back. There were no kids involved and her husband was an arse so I think if it was me I'd have gone through the hassle of changing it on principle, but it's her name and her decision.

Why does it bother you?

It's not "his name" though. It is her name which happens to be the same. Her use of it does not take anything from your husband or from you. We are all free to call ourselves what we choose.

My husband was married before, briefly and no children, and his first wife kept the married surname after divorce and (more surprisingly) when she remarried, just because she preferred it. I did wonder what Mr Second Husband thought of that! She got divorced again so no idea what name she uses now.

I didn't change my name and still have my birth surname. My feeling is that men aren't expected to change to reflect their married status so why should I. I did find it funny that my husband had an ex wife who had the same name and a current wife who didn't.

I still have my ex DH surname so much faff changing everything I really can't be bothered

On a similar topic, I’ve always wondered how Chris Sarandon feels about Susan Sarandon becoming the more famous Sarandon, considering they separated in 1975 and have been divorced since 1979. I always figured he was her brother until one day I was looking up something and discovered he was her ex-husband.

But, yes, I think you’re being unreasonable. The ex-wife can do what she wants with her own name, and some women also seem to find it important that they have the same surname as their children.

I kept my married surname because I hated my maiden name more. Nothing else

This has gone well for the OP.

Don't be an eejit OP.

Yes, you are wrong.

When she married him, he gave her the 'gift' of his name, and she accepted it. It's now her name, and belongs to her just as much as it does him.

He got to be in The Princess Bride, can't get better compensation than that.

If it bothers you, maybe you should have asked your husband to change his name to yours when you got married.

It’s probably important to her that she shared a name with her children.. and important to them too. Perhaps you could suggest to your step children that they change their names to their mums maiden name so that she does the same as it bothers you. I’m sure they would find that reasonable.

My DM kept DF’s surname after they divorced and she wanted to have the same surname as me, I can’t see why it is a problem.