Was your highly verbal toddler advanced

[OneOliveKoala]

My daughter is 35 months and a very advanced early talker. She uses complex, logical sentences (e.g. “I don’t like that either, therefore I need to use this”), narrates her play, gives voices to characters, and builds imaginative stories with toys.

She also has a deep emotional range. She can feel sadness very deeply, and in new or stimulating environments she can feel excited and slightly overwhelmed at the same time — but she regulates well. She doesn’t have anger or frustration issues, doesn’t have frequent meltdowns, and can usually express what she’s feeling with words.

Other things about her:

• Strong imaginative and symbolic play (voices, storylines, role-play)
• Very observant — notices sounds, changes, and details
• Can follow rules, wait her turn, and ask for help when she needs it
• Good eater, good sleeper
• Self-regulates well for her age overall

What confuses me is seeing so many posts on Reddit where people say “my toddler was very verbal and later diagnosed with ADHD” — even when the child doesn’t seem to meet ADHD criteria (good attention for play, able to regulate, socially engaged, not impulsive across settings).

From what I understand, being highly verbal, imaginative, emotionally deep, and observant can still fall completely within neurotypical development, especially when the child can self-regulate, focus in play, sleep and eat well, and function across environments.

Curious if others have had similarly verbal, emotionally intense toddlers who were simply… bright and sensitive

any similar child to mine

OP take it from a mum who has older kids - don't waste your time worrying about what could be, or looking hard and long for signs of neurodivergence. That way lies misery. Nothing on your OP suggests she is impaired or distressed by anything in any way so why are you worrying?

Enjoy your dd for who she is, today. Step away from Reddit.

Of COURSE there are children who are advanced talkers, empathic and sensitive and not ND.

There are also ones who are ND.

Us humans come in all sorts of wonderful flavours.

This.

OP please take this advice. And if your daughter was high functioning she would be supported in school and rather than have a reduced school day she would have some time out within school in a supported appropriate environment. You are worrying over something unnecessarily.

I agree, it's odd you're focusing so intently on her being ND. Why are you ignoring the many posters who have said that they or their children were just like your daughter at that age and are NT? Surely that should reassure you?

Instead you're trying to get posters to share the exact clinical signs that led to their child's diagnosis of ND, that's all you're interested in.🤷‍♀️

I think what @Hoplittlesbunnieshophophop said earlier is correct and you're the frequent poster unhealthily obsessed with your daughter being ND, despite professionals and many mums telling you not to be concerned.

Why not relax and enjoy your little girl? If, and that is an if, she is later diagnosed as ND you will deal with it then.

Yeah my older son was a ridiculously early talker - he is a bit dyslexic and I would a bit on the autistic spectrum - bit rigid can get overwhelmed by noise but nothing really concerning - he is a lovely person and has done fine but not exceptionally academically

Sometimes, she also gets utterly fixated on things to the exclusion of everything else. When she was a toddler we'd joke that she was "method acting", she was fully committed to being Elsa for about 9 months at one point. Now it's hobbies, she picks things up, is obsessed with them for a period of time, then loses interest. When she's disinterested in something it's borderline impossible to engage her with it. She struggles a bit with change and needs her expectations managing a lot. She's reading the Harry Potter books at the minute, if I didn't go into her room and confiscate the book and switch off the light she would read all night I reckon. But sometimes I'll be showing her how to do something and it's like she can't even focus her eyes on me for a single second.

Having said all of that, the above PERFECTLY describes me as a 7 year old. So if she's got ADHD then I probably have too. She's very happy, has good friends and is progressing well at school, so I'm not too worried.

My son has a learning disability (LD). He found school very difficult from an academic perspective. However, due to his cheerfulness, hardwork and kindness he is doing well at college and in his voluntary work.

It is difficult differentiate between his personality and his ASD traits. He has always been very anxious. This could be due to ASD, but equally it could just be part of who he is. He is very interested in lots of things such as music and sport. This could be viewed as special interests, but could also be the hobbies of a happy and sociable young man.

Your DD sounds like a lovely little girl. If she is ND then she has an engaged and loving parent who will support her. Your job is to love your DD which you will do with or without a diagnosis. You will face and deal with any difficulties as they arise. Nobody can tell you what the future holds. Enjoy all of the brilliant things about your DD and help her with anything she struggles with. This will apply whether your DD is NT or ND.

One of my children could speak very early and by 18 months could use ‘if… then…’ constructions. He is a fairly bright child and very emotionally mature, popular, socially adroit etc. No ADHD traits. The other child was bang on average as a talker (and at everything else) and is now highly gifted.

DS was an early talker - could recite long chunks of nursery rhymes at 20 months and quoted from The Snail and The Whale at 18/19 months.

Now at school and he didn’t pass his year 1 phonics assessment and is being assessed for ADHD.

That sounds like he was a gestalt language processor which is very common among ND kids

I wouldn't consider what you describe here as "highly advanced" for a 3 yo. There is wide range of verbal skills in the first few years, but the kind of sentence and verbal reasoning you mention is aligned with what I've seen with my own children, and most of their friends.

What differs is the age their language expand, and it's usually quite a sudden change. My eldest was clearly early with his verbal skills, it was obvious between 12-24 months. Then most of the other children caught up with him. He was slower in other areas.

Mine was highly verbal very early and is now doing a masters in Chemistry. He did sail through school. Used to be less socially confident than his peers, but that all disappeared when he got to about 16.

I was having a similar conversation with DD's teacher yesterday, because DD is high functioning, intelligent and verbal people don't realise that she's got a disability

I can't remember it word for word off the top of my head but her assessment report said somthing along the lines of "she might look like she is coping externally but she actually needs a lot of adult support"

It didn't help that I was only diagnosed a few months before DD, so many of her behaviours and thought processes were normal to me 😅

DD has always been very sensitive ( so am I ) I'll always feel guilty because when she would have emotional meltdowns ( before being diagnosed and way before I ever thought any of us were ND )
I used to get so internally frustrated, because I understood how she felt and the thoughts going through her mind, but I couldn't understand why she couldn't keep those emotions inside like the rest of us..... which was actually me heavily masking and inadvertently wanting my DD to mask

She's so much happier now we are all aware we are ND and we have changed things accordingly, her senco teacher said this is the most content she's ever seen her which was lovely to hear

Sounds like me as a child (so I've been told) and I had no issues at school etc. I have since been diagnosed with ADHD as an adult and it turn out I was just very good at masking around people as a child and I stopped doing that as an adult and just let me be me and here I am textbook ADHD!

So no issues with inattention and emotional regulation ? Because my child doesn’t have any and go a diagnosis you need those traits

Mine was very verbal, he is just a normal
teenager now, not advanced or anything remarkable. He is sociable and good at talking to people so his love of talking didn’t change and those seem to be good traits to have as an adult

And I bet happy in himself .☺️I hope the teenager years haven’t been too challenging 😂

One of my daughters was an early talker was really bright and ahead of peers in primary school and year 7 then boys and friends became more important and shes now about average with other kids her age. No neurodiversity. Also to add she still never shuts up

it is always nice listening to them although I am introvert and need some quiet time at the end of the day ..

I bet she was an excellent negotiator as a toddler 😂

Mine was more advanced at an earlier age than you describe. I thought she was just gifted and otherwise a normal child. Also very sensitive. ADHD, not on my radar, until the traits started showing and causing difficulties from about the age of 16. Diagnosed with ADHD in later teens. The reason for the delay: Primarily impaired in executive functioning. Around the age of 16 is when schools start to expect more self-management, which is hard when your executive functioning is challenged.

Yes that’s the definition of adhd impairment in executive functions and also very sensitive in the sense that meltdowns maybe were more frequents ?

traits were always there maybe really subtle as adhd doesn’t suddenly appear ..

thanks everyone for your time ..I want to learn from these answers, but I’m struggling to take many of them seriously—especially from people who say they were diagnosed as adults yet claim they never had any real issues before. It increasingly feels like ADHD is being self-assigned based on one or two common traits, which does not meet the diagnostic criteria at all . At this point, almost anyone could be labeled as having ADHD. Social media seems to play a major role in this, turning ADHD into a trendy explanation for normal difficulties. Taken this far, even my fish would qualify.

They were always there, it just wasn't an issue as it wasn't causing impairment or issue. My point is, the impairment aspect of it may not manifest till later in life, so you can't be sure your DD hasn't got ADHD. I'd just enjoy her and see what the future brings. If more support is needed in future, it can be sought then. If she's doing fine with life and not struggling, all good.

Not everyone can be labelled with ADHD. It is possible to go from not being impaired as a child to needing a lot of supports as an adult. You just haven't seen this in practice to know how it can work. Children largely have their lives managed. As they are expected to take over more of that, then traits can emerge. What kicked it off for my DD was around the age of 16 when schools suddenly expected full self-management of time over more structured time and more direction. Traits were there but not a problem in childhood. She is quite severely impacted in adulthood and receives all supports necessary. It's not easy still but she now has tools.

Especially when bright or gifted and very academically capable, they can cover over a lot of traits that might get them noticed earlier if they weren't so good at that sort of thing.

What kicked it off for my DD was around the age of 16 when schools suddenly expected full self-management of time over more structured time and more direction. Traits were there but not a problem in childhood. She is quite severely impacted in adulthood and receives all supports necessary.

I think secondary hit DD1 and then later post 16 college she struggled but she had household to check up on her and offer support - when DS who should have been worse started she was there checking up on him reminding him as well as having routines in place that were already helping her.

Uni that home support is gone - if she gets of track with sleep routine no-one to checks why she still up - if she need to get up but sleeps in - no parents/siblings/even cats to check why she's still asleep. She sought help with sleep from uni services and GP - but other stratergies and rountins held firm for her.

It wasn't easy at all to get her diagnosed - and during that process we were told a lot of what we considered normal and just adapted to wasn't in general population.

Many who didn't feel they struggled as kids may have been able to cope with the demand of childhood but not adulthood when the demands increased and some may also be oblivious to the family support enabling them to cope they had in childhood or while they lived with family.

My experience is that this type of description is relatively common of little girls this age who seem to mature a bit more in terms of emotional intelligence, language etc than boys this age.
It didn't seem to hold particular correlation with academic intelligence but rather a sort of maturity that later levelled out with peers. It also often just reflects a more extroverted personality. Plenty of children have lots of language capability but are naturally disposed to being quieter personalities so don't show it as readily