Was your highly verbal toddler advanced

[OneOliveKoala]

My daughter is 35 months and a very advanced early talker. She uses complex, logical sentences (e.g. “I don’t like that either, therefore I need to use this”), narrates her play, gives voices to characters, and builds imaginative stories with toys.

She also has a deep emotional range. She can feel sadness very deeply, and in new or stimulating environments she can feel excited and slightly overwhelmed at the same time — but she regulates well. She doesn’t have anger or frustration issues, doesn’t have frequent meltdowns, and can usually express what she’s feeling with words.

Other things about her:

• Strong imaginative and symbolic play (voices, storylines, role-play)
• Very observant — notices sounds, changes, and details
• Can follow rules, wait her turn, and ask for help when she needs it
• Good eater, good sleeper
• Self-regulates well for her age overall

What confuses me is seeing so many posts on Reddit where people say “my toddler was very verbal and later diagnosed with ADHD” — even when the child doesn’t seem to meet ADHD criteria (good attention for play, able to regulate, socially engaged, not impulsive across settings).

From what I understand, being highly verbal, imaginative, emotionally deep, and observant can still fall completely within neurotypical development, especially when the child can self-regulate, focus in play, sleep and eat well, and function across environments.

Curious if others have had similarly verbal, emotionally intense toddlers who were simply… bright and sensitive

any similar child to mine

Kids just develop at different stages. I also find it upsetting that people often think their 'gifted' toddlers are that way because of their parenting. Yes engaging with your child helps but the child also just needs to be developmentally ready to learn language. My now 4 year old wasnt quick to talk, and my 19 month old is barely talking. I have always talked to them properly. My 4 year old now comes out with some very grown up sounding phrases/sentences, he just wasnt ready for that when he was a 1 year old

I was like this as a child. I have a near-genius level IQ at last measurement (two points off).

I am dyspraxic, but relatively mildly affected.

I am well paid, but don't have a stellar career - certainly not one which requires a very high IQ. I manage my money well, and tend to prioritise enjoying myself - possibly compensating for my parents prioritising education!

Mine's one of the ones you're concerned about. Very verbal as a littley, very early reader, bright, could be construed as gifted & talented in primary school. Formally diagnosed with ADHD at university although it's been obvious since about year 6.

My eldest was exactly this.
Complex sentences before they were 2, got distracted by anything and everything, never slept 😳 and then adhd diagnosis later.

My child was like that. I suspect she has some neurodivergence (she is intense and as far as I can tell a bit atypical), but not to the point that she needs intervention.

She has had an IQ test done and she does have an IQ in the gifted range.

My eldest DS was vocal from 9 months and hasn't stopped talking since. I remember being at the 15m check and she asked if he said 8-10 words and I assumed that meant in a sentence and said yes because I couldn't count the words he did have. He never once tantrumed as a toddler because from about 1.5 he could easily tell us exactly what he wanted. He thrived in nursery and early schooling because he was very bright and was reading from the christmas of his first school when he was 4.

On the other hand he always has been a bit of a quirky child and his imagination is insane, I think he can actually physically see pictures of what hes imagining but to the detriment of focusing on what is actually going on around him. Getting things down on paper has always been tricky and since he reached 7ish his inability to pay attention has become problematic. When he started with a new teacher last year he was assessed in the bottom groups and spent a month looking out the window. At parents night I brought up that his homework looked a bit easy and similar to where he was in p2 he was reassessed and moved to the top.

The school have referred him for assessment and are fairly sure he has inattentive ADHD and are supporting him at present as if he does. He thrives in imaginative writing and history and anything that interests him but anything that doesn't he really struggles. Im not sure his potential diagnosis is directly connected to his early talking but in his case i think he most likely is neurodiverse.

35 months 🤦🏻‍♀️ I was hyperlexic reading at 3. Since been diagnosed asd.

I was like that, could speak in fluent sentences whilst in my high pram according to family lore.
Could also read before school.
Really my only special skill is that im a speed reader and can jave about 7 or 8 books on the go at once.

Went on to get good gcses and a levels, but needed to study for them. Ended up in a professional career, again needed to put my head down to get there whereas others in my class just caught on easily
Im definitely NT.

DS was the same as you describe your child. Extremely articulate very early. Didn't have toddler tantrums. Was a very easy child to manage, he's 13 now and still is. (Obviously I cant tell the future) Responds best to reasoning.
He is also NT
His cousins are ND so I do know the difference

My 18yr old DD was amazing at speech, she was very early at starting to make noises which quickly followed on to words and sentences (I can't remember the exact timeline), looking at your list I would say she met all of your points by your daughters age, she's really well spoken now - doesn't drop letters and hasn't picked up the local accent unlike my son.

Is she bright? Yes in her own way but she was pretty middle of the road at school, she's dyslexic and I'm starting to think she has a bit of adhd too.

I think you should look at ways to manage your anxiety so that you can enjoy your little girl.

My second has achieved significantly better academic grades than his older brother, but his older brother was noticeably more advanced in speech and general behaviour at 2/3.

Advice from a much older mum - don’t waste your time worrying over this. Enjoy her preschool stage!

My daughter was a very early talker, forming complex sentences, but I’d say it’s linked more to her personality than intelligence. She’s of average intelligence I’d say.

May I ask what were the diagnostic traits please

Are you my clone ? You sound exactly like me 🥹

No, mine were autistic. DD1 used a 6 word sentence at around 19-20 months. Always been very empathetic, loved imaginative play. Sensory issues as a toddler but emotional regulation was otherwise ok. Unusually long attention span for things she wanted to do. Definitely autistic but diagnosed quite late.

I guess what I am trying to understand is that I’ve noticed a lot of parents describing personality traits in their children — like being early talkers, academically advanced, highly verbal, or imaginative and very self regulated . and then saying that their child was later diagnosed with autistic or ADHD. From a diagnostic perspective, though, these traits alone are not part of the ADHD or autism criteria.

To meet the medical definition of ADHD, a child must show a consistent pattern of inattention, hyperactivity, or impulsivity that is atypical for their age and interferes with functioning across multiple settings. Self-regulation difficulties are also part of the criteria. Simply being bright, socially adept, or verbally advanced does not satisfy these requirements.

so what I am asking for all those parents of diagnosed kids ..how did they meet the diagnostic criteria ?

Adhd isn't normally diagnosed until about 8 plus, so she is really very young to be looking into it. I believe both of my kids are, but we won't put ds2 forward for an assessment until he turns 8. There is a huge range of normal development in toddlers.

Speaking specifically for Autism it would be things like not picking up on social cues, copied speech or unusual speech, unusual eye contact, repetitive behaviour, motor stereotyping, sensory processing issues, restricted interests.

DD2 also has ADHD but was not diagnosed until 15. I think the impact was less at primary school because her high IQ masked inattention, and because she was genuinely interested in academic stuff which obviously helps with attention. She finds it much more difficult at secondary school where she has to study subjects that don't interest her.

Mine was autistic I just didn't know at the time, on my third now and I'm pretty sure she's the same.

I see so it is like being a neurodivergence you have it from birth but then no traits because of masking and then they appear later ?

I guess is more than not just be interested in a few subjects.. we all have those .. mine was math

Traits and behaviors were always there but got more obvious to more people with time - as their behavior diverged more from NT and as they hit different environments and the coping strategies stopped working for them or they hit their limits.

DN being a boy it's been flagged up very early at 3 by nursury but school saying no looking at any diagosistic process till 8 - dad has it it's in mums family classic presentation even school thinks he has it too young to say. DD1 it was late teens then she aged out she waited so long on waiting lists so started whole process at uni which was faster. Edcuation staff and GP pointed her ASD difrection first which was a no- but people assessing said there was somthing so she had to go down ADHD and dyslexia and dsypraix routes and processes after that.

I've known there was something since she was toddler and had few others suggest. Many of her friends and her siblings friends who turned out to have ADHD or ASD their parents round 14-15-16 started going private having waited years - as exam pressure and school started to mean they stopped coping. I know one who spent 5K and it took till end of her A-levels ASD and ADHD which again her parents had wondered about as had some school staff since young age.

Both DC were ‘gifted’ and high achievers. Neither are neuro-divergent. DD spoke so early she was still sitting up in her pram and would have conversations with people who stopped to look at her.

Waiting lists seem to be ridiculously long ..i now it can be up to 8 years ..

can the school ask the parents to reduce school hours if the child has some issues with coping but the parents cannot accomodate homeschooling due to work commitments .. what’s gonna happen ?

Do you always overthink everything, OP?

Your DD sounds like a perfectly normal, well-behaved, bright toddler.

I have no idea why you have any concerns at all?