Was your highly verbal toddler advanced

[OneOliveKoala]

My daughter is 35 months and a very advanced early talker. She uses complex, logical sentences (e.g. “I don’t like that either, therefore I need to use this”), narrates her play, gives voices to characters, and builds imaginative stories with toys.

She also has a deep emotional range. She can feel sadness very deeply, and in new or stimulating environments she can feel excited and slightly overwhelmed at the same time — but she regulates well. She doesn’t have anger or frustration issues, doesn’t have frequent meltdowns, and can usually express what she’s feeling with words.

Other things about her:

• Strong imaginative and symbolic play (voices, storylines, role-play)
• Very observant — notices sounds, changes, and details
• Can follow rules, wait her turn, and ask for help when she needs it
• Good eater, good sleeper
• Self-regulates well for her age overall

What confuses me is seeing so many posts on Reddit where people say “my toddler was very verbal and later diagnosed with ADHD” — even when the child doesn’t seem to meet ADHD criteria (good attention for play, able to regulate, socially engaged, not impulsive across settings).

From what I understand, being highly verbal, imaginative, emotionally deep, and observant can still fall completely within neurotypical development, especially when the child can self-regulate, focus in play, sleep and eat well, and function across environments.

Curious if others have had similarly verbal, emotionally intense toddlers who were simply… bright and sensitive

any similar child to mine

My eldest son was speaking in sentences at 18 months old. He walked at 11 months, was toilet trained at 20 months, reading alone at 4. 2nd son was a bit later at those things.

Inattentive adhd ? Or both if I may ask

I was similar to how you describe your daughter- I am neurodivergent, but not diagnosed until adulthood. I've managed to live a fulfilled life so far - it's generally not like having the plague, you know?

It's not like you can change things anyway - she either is or she isn't. So long as she's happy and thriving, it's all good. If things change and she's having difficulties, you can reconsider whether she might be ND.

Yes I agree. I was the same - as were my two children. Both very smart but struggle socially.

may I ask clinical not personality traits you see in my daughter ?

So why it is considered a disability? I am not sure if one can be diagnosed just as neurodivergent

My DC was very articulate and used complex sentences. No later diagnoses. Not ADHD or Autistic.

Correct, I just didn't choose to share what sort of neurodivergent I am, here. I don't know your daughter, so I don't 'see' any traits in her at all.

I would gently suggest that she isn't especially unusual in her verbal skills and emotional range. My youngest is doing pretty much the same at 2 years 5 months.

You sound quite anxious about this - I feel for you. And for her.

I am anxious about it because there is not much support for high functioning kids unless you have the means to pay for therapy etc . So in our case she will have to work it out herself how to live in this world . I will help her as much as I can but what I cannot do it is to fight the school if they have issues with her and a waiting list that could be 10 years long and working to bring food to the table on a daily basis . I know most parents do this but don’t see why the school would want to reduce a child’s timetable . In my days it never happened. Yes I had an adhd classmate and he was the hyperactive type and he was never treated any differently and he is now an accomplished chef .. his parents had to work and that was it

Yep was going to say this. DS was similar aged 3 and he is just a bright but perfectly normal kid (no ADHD, but also not a genius). Top set at school but middle of the top set.

DS1 was very bright as a toddler . He still is bright but not exceptional - not Oxbridge level. . It’s too early to worry , relax and read to DC and concentrate on giving her good educational and fun experiences. Enjoy her .

Dd1 was like this. Obviously they're all different and it's no real barometer imho but as you asked, this was her at 3:

Very emotional, empathetic and very mature. Extremely early and advanced speech. I was pregnant with dd2 for the second half of dd1 being 3, and we had numerous exchanges along the lines of,

"Mummy, I've been thinking" (always started with that!). Then something like,
"What if I'm feeding the baby in its highchair and it spits it out and then it cries and then you might be cross with me". I was just trying not to throw up 24/7 and baffled by it as nobody else's child was anywhere near like her. Endless scenarios of what might go wrong, really carefully thought out sequences. I just said things like well, you can feed baby but you don't have to. And babies do sometimes spit food out and they do cry but it's never anyone's fault and would never be your fault. Etc etc, umpteen times a day.

Only when dd2 was 3 did I realise how unusual dd1 was!

Both dds are August babies. Dd1 isn't very academic, lagged a bit behind at primary and was diagnosed with a sensory processing disorder in primary school for which she had extra time in exams etc. She was, and is, a lovely person, endlessly kind and empathetic, but a huge worrier. Every September we'd have tears about not wanting to move to the next class, staying in the previous one etc. Endless reassurance and reminders that she always felt this way and then by next year etc etc.

She's 21 now and in her third year of uni. It was super hard to pin down for years and she manages well with loads of support from me, but she's definitely somewhere on the autism spectrum, but I think masked heavily throughout childhood. She still plans, makes lists, creates complicated scenarios of what to worry about next in her head, likes to know what's happening etc. Struggles with anxiety and depression.

Overall, looking back I thought she was going to be super academic as she was speaking so well and so early etc. In fact, the processing disorder means that everything takes a long time to go in but once it has, she does really well (amazed herself and her teachers with A level results). Currently at her academic limit but going into a caring profession which will be a perfect fit for her.

Dd2 is NT and far more academically gifted than dd1, but far lazier, hasn't had to work as hard for anything and more average hitting milestones when tiny. I'm not sure it's meaningful or particularly helpful as so many variables, but this was my experience.

Seriously, you should do something about your anxiety. You have what sounds like a perfectly normal child who is ahead of her peers in some ways. She seems happy and well adjusted and yet you are catastrophising over what-ifs.

Couldn't read past '35 month old'.
So basically, 3.

Your DD sounds exactly like my 231 month old was at that age. Very very advanced speech. Played perfectly with other children etc etc. More than once teacher (incl his college one) have said he's one of, if not the, cleverest person they've ever met.

Half way through secondary school, burnout hit. He left school with 2 GCSEs. Struggled with part time college and is now waiting for an ADHD assessment.

Both of ours were extremely precocious talkers. Somewhat embarrassing when our toddlers were talking in sentences and my friends’ kids were still babbling.

It completely evened out. They were fairly academic; not remarkably so. Got excellent GCSE and A levels, followed by bog standard 2:1s.

Both NT.

Ummm... you realise there are several steps in between, right? This is a massive load of 'what if?'

Your description of your DD sounds a lot like my DS1. He is the loveliest young man. He is kind, funny, gentle, patient and the best company. He does also have ASD and a LD. This does not mean your DD does. They might just share some postive attributes.

The format of this post sounds much like the frequent flyer who has been obsessed with the idea what her DC is autistic or neurodivergent since they were 9 months old

OP if it's you you NEED to get help

Similar here - very advanced DS with his speech and language inc comprehension as a toddler and pre schooler, highly imaginative play, witty and emotionally intelligent but always had intense tantrums which later turned into what we realised was over stimulation meltdowns and anxiety once into his first school years - now diagnosed with mild dyslexia and AUDHD - Academically able, talented with sport and drama and very popular with his peers. I wouldn’t have ever believed it as a toddler but as he developed it just became more obvious once at school.

Thank you for your words .. again what you described are personality traits .. what traits makes him autistic please ? Is it the lack of social cues etc

I am not familiar what LD is though

That’s interesting to read … so you can be diagnosed auADHD only based on one trait ?

That’s very confusing .. you are born with adhd and yet seems to take years to surface in some cases .. there must have been traits that maybe you didn’t see

Both my dds had very advanced language skills, talking in short sentences at 13 or so months. Dd2 and her best friend had a very advanced friendship for children so young. They became best friends, proper best friends before the age of 2. At almost 3 they would have both been similar to your dd.

dd1 has high functioning autism. I didn’t see any traits at all before about 3.5 but I suppose looking back the subtle signs were there. She did have big melt downs, but these only started after she turned 3 and her sister was born, so at the time I put it down to that. She got a diagnosis at uni, though we always suspected we never perused a diagnosis when she was young because she always functioned ok. Until lockdown that was. She really struggled after that, but as the wait lists were so long, and she was starting 6th form, we encouraged her to wait until uni to seek a diagnosis as they can do it a lot quicker.

dd2 was always a scatter brained kid but she’s probably the most neurotypical of the whole family. Though definitely does have some adhd traits.

both are bright without being exceptional. Dd1 at uni, dd2 heading there in September. Dd1 was the brightest kid in her year at primary and near top of top set in secondary but cracks under pressure and so doesn’t always show her potential in exams. dd2 prides herself on coasting through life with as little effort as possible. Though she is passionate about what’s he’s going to study at uni and has worked hard for that.

theyre both good kids, who are great company. Just enjoy your dd, she’s is who she is and over analysing things won’t change that.

OP, you are wasting a ridiculous amount of time and mental energy worrying about a condition there’s no evidence your child has.

Yes. Of course there were traits that we didn't recognise as some form of ND. They were just his "quirks", a lot of which I also have and I strongly suspect that I also have ADHD. It wasn't until he suffered burnout that anyone realised how much he was struggling. As he coped so well until secondary school teachers weren't concerned. And his secondary school were shit. Decided it was a parenting issue, all my fault of course. Nothing to do with his dad. Add covid and lockdown into the mix and we were never able to get him assessed.

Honestly, just enjoy your DD for who she is. She may or may not be ND. Hopefully if she is then schools will recognise it and put whatever help she needs into place.