Was your highly verbal toddler advanced

[OneOliveKoala]

My daughter is 35 months and a very advanced early talker. She uses complex, logical sentences (e.g. “I don’t like that either, therefore I need to use this”), narrates her play, gives voices to characters, and builds imaginative stories with toys.

She also has a deep emotional range. She can feel sadness very deeply, and in new or stimulating environments she can feel excited and slightly overwhelmed at the same time — but she regulates well. She doesn’t have anger or frustration issues, doesn’t have frequent meltdowns, and can usually express what she’s feeling with words.

Other things about her:

• Strong imaginative and symbolic play (voices, storylines, role-play)
• Very observant — notices sounds, changes, and details
• Can follow rules, wait her turn, and ask for help when she needs it
• Good eater, good sleeper
• Self-regulates well for her age overall

What confuses me is seeing so many posts on Reddit where people say “my toddler was very verbal and later diagnosed with ADHD” — even when the child doesn’t seem to meet ADHD criteria (good attention for play, able to regulate, socially engaged, not impulsive across settings).

From what I understand, being highly verbal, imaginative, emotionally deep, and observant can still fall completely within neurotypical development, especially when the child can self-regulate, focus in play, sleep and eat well, and function across environments.

Curious if others have had similarly verbal, emotionally intense toddlers who were simply… bright and sensitive

any similar child to mine

Mine was autistic. At a pre school assessment, she was shown a picture of an animal and asked what it was, clearly expecting her to say ‘mouse’. She said, ‘I’m not sure, it’s definitely some kind of rodent, possibly a field mouse or a vole’.

She is bright, but not exceptionally so.

Oh you're back. I hoped you'd started getting some help for your anxiety and started enjoying your little girl instead of being determined to find something wrong with her.

Have your umpteen previous threads not given you the advice you wanted? She sounds like a joy, and everything you describe is well within the realms of completely typical development.

I think you may be stretching some of the responses. I replied saying my dd was similar and does have ADHD, However, all that means is that, no more than any other child who has similar characteristics, she may or may not be NT. But realistically, you could say that about any child as the characteristics of ND are so diverse and manifest in a wide variety of ways.

My 7 year old was like this in many way. Including the fact that he has great empathy (possibly too much), is very imaginative, copes fine with transitions and can use regulation strategies. He’s now doing brilliantly at school and continues to be very bright across the board. His vocabulary and sentence construction are still really advanced. However, I am fairly sure he is autistic - the traits are subtle and maybe not ‘typically’ presenting but they’re definitely there. We will not peruse a diagnosis right now - there is no way our local CDC would entertain one (I’m a teacher so know their threshold is high when I do referrals for work). But maybe in the future 🤷‍♀️

Adhd can have nothing to do with empathy and social skills. I was like your child. I went on to school and was incredibly focused and always came in with top marks (straight As in Gcses and a levels)
I had loads of friends as I'm quite gregarious and would have been considered NT all throughout schooling and 3rd level education. I'm also a complete empath (to my detriment at times).
It wasn't until I was faced with having to deal with the adult world that my adhd was diagnosed. I'm capable of extreme focus when something interests me but cannot get my shit together when it doesn't. I'm the worst procrastinator and I dread most things in adult life.
What I have gleaned from studying myself and others is that the human brain, if operating above average in one area, will under-operate in another. The more you deviate from one standard in a positive way, the more likely you'll deviate from another in a negative way (societally speaking).

I worked with children, that all sounds pretty typical for a 3 year old. The word 'therefore' isn't common but not many adults in my area would use that word verbally either.

My dd was having full blown conversations at 1 1/2… my ds grunted until he was 2 1/2.

my ds is by far the cleverest of the two.

My DD (now 25) was very similar to yours; an incredibly early and eloquent talker, imaginative, a bit sensitive/shy in some environments but very confident around adults. Slept and ate fine, apart from the usual irritating changeability.

KS1-2 she was most definitely Top of the Class material
KS3-4 she levelled off at above average, definitely not not A* across the board

Got an excellent degree (through absolute slog and hard work) and has always presented as NT

Can I ask what the other condition is if you dint mind sharing?
I only ask as my other daughter has coeliac disease which has a correlation with ADHD, although not a causation and we go through phases of thinking she has ADHD and phases where we aren't sure.

Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and POTS.

And yes, it's correlation rather than causation. The one thing I would emphasise is that girls tend to manifest differently to boys.

My eldest was very advanced, and is still very advanced (Cambridge with excellent social skills). My younger child was not advanced (possibly because elder sibling did everything so they didn't have to). Younger child does have to work harder, but is VERY hardworking, and predictions are that they will also achieve very highly academically. Can't tell socially yet as at a bit of an awkward stage (which elder one never had).
We have ND on both sides of the family but neither seem to be affected. I was advised to stamp out highly repetitive habits as soon as I noticed them (touching the door handle and bell in certain orders, things that had to be said before bed etc). But they've always had routines, and minimal screens.

Mine was extremely verbal from a very young age (talking before walking before age 1), and is still academically bright now at age 11. She got a very high pass in the 11+ recently. She is diagnosed ASD and we also suspect ADHD. She has however always struggled with emotional regulation and rigidity and sensory differences so there were other more obvious indicators of ND than being hyper verbal. I don’t think it’s automatically a sign if there are no other signs. Just he prepared to spend a lot of your life being talked at.

Yes mine is a bit sensitive too .. I hope she is happy in herlsef which at the end of the day it is what I want for her

This is exactly how the professional explained to me .. with your exact words .
She basically said adhd is not about being different, verbal, or energetic but it’s defined by functional impairments in self regulation attention or impulsivity across multiple settings .

Sorry if I’m wrong but nothing you’ve listed sounds particularly “advanced” for an almost 3 year old? My son’s a little younger and can do all of that, I don’t think he’s any different than his peers, just a completely typically developing toddler. Certainly when my daughter was this age she could speak like that and didn’t stand out among my friends children, possible a little clearer with her speech (and tbh as a parent it’s hard to say if that’s true or just because you will always be able to understand your child more than others!) but not very obviously so. She’s at school now and just a bright child (not “advanced”, just ordinarily bright)

ds was amazingly chatty, and empathetic as a young kid. now at uni and doing fine. Terrible sleeper though!

honestly I'd step back and just let her be? She sounds fun.

really really don't worry about the small stuff like whether getting bored in a restaurant is meaningful.

It's frankly insulting to those of us with children that have actual developmental differences to be endlessly obsessing over whether a 2 yr old getting bored after sitting still for 45 minutes in a restaurant is a sign of a problem.

Step away @OneOliveKoala
Touch grass.

Nope lol

She sounds pretty normal tbh. Most 3 year olds are emotionally intense!

I agree with your answer but I guess what I was trying to say is that adhd has got nothing to do with personality traits .. you might have an anxious highly academic kid but that alone doesn’t meet the adhd diagnostic criteria medically speaking for access to therapy etc ..

the way it was explained to me was that the advanced talker who has adhd could struggle with attention or impulsivity in ways unrelated to language or social skills. But there has to interfere with functioning to receive a diagnosis

In my experience (ex-teacher) there isn't really a correlation between being an early speaker and being more intelligent when they're older, nor is there a correlation between being an early speaker and being diagnosed ND (maybe more potentially delayed speech and ND, but nothing set in stone).

Some kids pick some things up faster than others, and then struggle in other areas as life goes on.

It seems like shes doing well and is happy. Just keep supporting her and loving her.

Haha, mine was v similar - we had ‘this is a hedgehog in its natural habitat’

Ok. So I don't understand the point of your question then.

Yep mine was just like this, no ND traits picked up till emotional dysregulation around going to school year 1 onwards, then sensory issues around clothes, and diagnosed year 3 with autism & adhd. Average at school, highly articulate, sociable, and emotionally observant, and very sensitive

My dd was like that. Very advanced verbally - even she can’t believe it watching herself back on childhood videos. Sounded very adult and could make up songs and play guitar and do whole off the cuff performances that she’d make us sit and watch. She was always super bright and creative but now diagnosed with ADHD which has affected her academic grades over the years.