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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be shocked at DS's reaction to my suggestion he brings new GF to family party

317 replies

HellyTheEllyphant · 12/01/2026 14:20

My DS is 28, he is a lovely man, very proud of him. He told us over the weekend that he has a new girlfriend, their first date was the start of October but they have only just labelled it. At the start of February we are hosting a party for DHs 60th, it will be a rare event where most of the family and extended family will be around. I suggested to DS he brings his new GF, she could meet his brother and all the wider family in a very casual environment where there would be very little attention on her, I thought this would be ideal, it is also close enough to home for DS and her that if they felt uncomfortable or overwhelmed it would be easy to leave early with no fuss. DS has had 2 long term relationships before this one and in both cases we met the girl within about 2-3 months of their first date, so I didn't anticipate him viewing it as too soon.
However DS got quite short with me saying no its far too soon and a weird environment to introduce her to, I apologised but he kept going saying its not up to me when we meet her, but I don't feel I suggested it was. He then said we can all go out for dinner and we can meet her then, maybe the next time his brother is down (so likely March/April). I said that would be lovely and I look forward to meeting her whenever he is ready.
Figured that would be the end of the conversation, but no he has messaged again saying he is annoyed I even suggested the family party. I can't help but feel he is over reacting, I know I wasn't pushy, all I said was "your dads party is on x date, the whole family is coming, feel free to bring your girlfriend if you like, just let me know for numbers".
He was also annoyed that his dad asked to see a picture of her before asking what she does etc. which while I appreciate was a shallow response from DH, I don't think it is that bad! And she is absolutely stunning so no reason DS wouldn't want to share (not that it would matter if she wasn't as long as he is happy).

AIBU to be shocked by the reaction and to wonder if there is something else going on?

OP posts:
SmittenApple · 12/01/2026 14:22

I imagine there’s history where he feels you go on and on and on, and too pushy.

Of course you will deny, but this is unlikely to have come out of no where

SmittenApple · 12/01/2026 14:23

He was also annoyed that his dad asked to see a picture of her before asking what she does etc.

gross

ZenNudist · 12/01/2026 14:24

Back off. Invitation offered. Nice thing to do. Up to him if he wants to invite her.

Octavia64 · 12/01/2026 14:25

to be honest, first meeting being a big family part sounds very overwhelming. Your DS and her will be constantly have to explain who she is s as he introduce her and most of the conversation will be family conversation.

much better to introduce her slowly to family in a more organic way, so she can actually get to know some of them.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 12/01/2026 14:26

Ewww. His father wants to assess his girlfriend's attractiveness and you want to assess her suitability by him parading her at a social event. No wonder he's unhappy - it's probably killed off his previous two relationships.

StarDolphins · 12/01/2026 14:28

He was also annoyed that his dad asked to see a picture of her before asking what she does etc

i would be annoyed at this too!

Thundertoast · 12/01/2026 14:30

I think 4 months in meeting the whole family might feel a bit overwhelming - theyve only just made it official but its quite early to see if its going to stick, so maybe he wants to leave it a couple more months as to not overwhelm her, or not invite her because then if they break up beforehand, he's going to spend the whole party with family going 'so where's this new girlfriend then' or trying to talk to him about 'plenty more fish in the sea'.

However, your husband asking for a picture of her and your DS picking up on it is making me wonder if your husband has been a bit... off towards/about previous girlfriends

rubyslippers · 12/01/2026 14:30

A 60th for the whole family / feels like she’s going to be sized up by the whole family
too much pressure
a family dinner is much better
and why does his dad need to see a picture - ewww

DailyEnergyCrisis · 12/01/2026 14:31

Asking for a picture of her is 🤢. He probably reflected on that and is now a bit ott about the party invite. For me it would also be way too soon but it doesn’t seem on the face of it you were too pushy.

PinkArt · 12/01/2026 14:36

He might have over reacted a bit, but you and DH have both shown terrible judgement. A family party, and for a big birthday, is the worst possible time to meet her. Far too many people at once so it's overwhelming for her and there's no chance for any sort of proper getting to know anyone. It also injects a stranger into a family celebration. My dad decided him mums 90th was the best time for us to meet his new, apparently significant, girlfriend. She wasn't on the scene by nan's 91st but is sort of stuck on to that big celebration - a very nice woman but who my sister and I only met the one time.
And your DH wanting to see a photo is just a bit gross. It sounds like that's all she has to offer, no personality to get to know in person, just if she's fit enough.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 12/01/2026 14:38

A big family party is a god awful place for a first meeting of a new partner, I can say with some authority, because I was that partner. There's too many people to meet, it's really intimidating, the music's usually too loud to have a proper conversation with anyone, and you just feel like everyone's eyes are on you as the "intruder".

I think that suggestion, along with your husbands fairly crap response are probably the reasons for your sons response, even if it does seem a bit extreme.

Of course, in my case the second time I met DPs parents was in a hospital room after she'd given birth to a child no-one had a clue existed. So I was rather glad that family party had happened in the end.

Crunchymum · 12/01/2026 14:42

We had this but the other way round!

Years ago sibling decided parents big birthday bash was the best time to introduce their new partner (affair partner so totally different situation)

They were asked not to bring them by other parent was a surprise party, but they invited the new partner anyway! Was horribly awkward all round.

Why did your DH ask for a picture of her? Agree that is quite gross!

SmittenApple · 12/01/2026 14:45

Crunchymum · 12/01/2026 14:42

We had this but the other way round!

Years ago sibling decided parents big birthday bash was the best time to introduce their new partner (affair partner so totally different situation)

They were asked not to bring them by other parent was a surprise party, but they invited the new partner anyway! Was horribly awkward all round.

Why did your DH ask for a picture of her? Agree that is quite gross!

Edited

Poor woman. My family would have rallied and made her feel as welcome as possible.

Mind you… we wouldn’t have said no in the first place circumstances dependents and on the off chance we had… none of my siblings would have ignored

TheatreTheatre · 12/01/2026 14:45

I have always left it up to Dc to broach introducing a new gf / bf , or just let it happen in passing.

It does sound like making it an ‘occasion’, inviting her to a big party.

But it’s hard to keep a line between welcoming and friendly , and Anne in Amandaland.

I guess your Ds feels you have been pushy / over involved in the past.

Ask him?

ImSweetEnough · 12/01/2026 14:47

I can't see that you've done anything wrong at all, OP.

I don't find it weird that you husband asked to see a photo of her (especially if this happened in person). Sounds to me like you were just taking an interest.

Hard to think what else could be going on but assuming you have apologised to him (despite doing nothing wrong) then you just have to leave it.

StiffAsAVicar · 12/01/2026 14:48

I’m quite surprised at people saying “ewwww” or “gross” at the father asking to see a picture??? I always ask to see a photo if someone I know is dating someone new. So you can put a face to the name??? Jeeze lighten up!

SmittenApple · 12/01/2026 14:48

ImSweetEnough · 12/01/2026 14:47

I can't see that you've done anything wrong at all, OP.

I don't find it weird that you husband asked to see a photo of her (especially if this happened in person). Sounds to me like you were just taking an interest.

Hard to think what else could be going on but assuming you have apologised to him (despite doing nothing wrong) then you just have to leave it.

You are in the minority!

ImSweetEnough · 12/01/2026 14:48

SmittenApple · 12/01/2026 14:48

You are in the minority!

Show quote history

I realise that.

Crunchymum · 12/01/2026 14:48

SmittenApple · 12/01/2026 14:45

Poor woman. My family would have rallied and made her feel as welcome as possible.

Mind you… we wouldn’t have said no in the first place circumstances dependents and on the off chance we had… none of my siblings would have ignored

Edited
Show quote history

Not sure if you read but it was an affair partner.

Further detail (not relevant or pertinent to this thread but to help explain) Siblings DC were there, sibling wanted us all to meet this new partner but keep from their kids who this person actually was.

Parent 1 said this wasn't really appropriate for parent 2's big surprise birthday party. Sibling agreed but ended up bringing them anyway and we all had to spend the evening making sure kids didn't work out who the extra guest was.

Ultimate point is, a big family party isn't always the best environment to meet a new partner, for whatever reason!

sittingonabeach · 12/01/2026 14:48

Don't people ask to see a photo of the DC's partners? Have I committed a faux pas with DS's new girlfriend when looking at a photo of her

ImSweetEnough · 12/01/2026 14:49

sittingonabeach · 12/01/2026 14:48

Don't people ask to see a photo of the DC's partners? Have I committed a faux pas with DS's new girlfriend when looking at a photo of her

It's just normal taking an interest type conversation, isn't it? People do make big very leaps on here sometimes!

maudelovesharold · 12/01/2026 14:50

ZenNudist · 12/01/2026 14:24

Back off. Invitation offered. Nice thing to do. Up to him if he wants to invite her.

I don’t think it’s the op who needs to back off! Her ds is the one who keeps bringing it up.

OhNoSummer · 12/01/2026 14:51

A big family party for a 60th birthday would be a massively pressurised environment for a new bf/gf. A neutral place like a restaurant for a quick meal would be much better.

You do sound a bit overbearing, OP.

SmittenApple · 12/01/2026 14:52

maudelovesharold · 12/01/2026 14:50

I don’t think it’s the op who needs to back off! Her ds is the one who keeps bringing it up.

Show quote history

probably because it’s the straw that has broken the camel’s back

ImSweetEnough · 12/01/2026 14:52

OhNoSummer · 12/01/2026 14:51

A big family party for a 60th birthday would be a massively pressurised environment for a new bf/gf. A neutral place like a restaurant for a quick meal would be much better.

You do sound a bit overbearing, OP.

"your dads party is on x date, the whole family is coming, feel free to bring your girlfriend if you like, just let me know for numbers".

How is that 'overbearing'?