MOH for sister and newborn not allowed in wedding venue

[Elliee0810]

I am the MOH for my sister for her wedding in May. We are both very close!
After 4 miscarriages I am expecting my miracle baby 6 weeks before the wedding (if baby is overdue this could be 4 weeks).
I have asked my sister if my MIL could look after the baby upstairs in the hotel room the entire day. My sister has said in the past she wouldn’t want the baby to steal the limelight so I thought if baby is “hidden” nearby I can quickly nip up if I’m breastfeeding or if he won’t settle. My sister has absolutely said the baby is not welcome at the wedding (which I understand a tiny bit) or not welcome to stay in a hotel room upstairs being cared for. She said it’s her day and should be all about her and not the baby and that she’d resent me and the baby if he was on the premises. She said she was happy for the baby to stay nearby in another hotel or air bnb but that costs a fortune and the closest one is the 20+ minutes drive away.I don’t think I’ve ever been so hurt or offended in my life. I don’t know what to do. My husband is a groomsman and he’s thinking of not attending the wedding now as the baby will need a parent being so young. Will the baby be okay to be apart for 1-2 days? Will I be okay with this being 4-6 weeks PP? Does anyone have any advice?

Just give your sister your apologies right now. Don't over explain. Just say, sorry but I'm not sure it will be possible to leave the baby so I'm letting you know know rather than letting you down at short notice. End of.

I certainly wouldn't be apart from my new born baby for a few hours never mind 1/2 days. Id be telling her sorry I cant attend i need to be with my baby.

Honestly, I wouldn’t go. I had a super simple ELCS and extremely easy recovery so while I would have been physically fine, I just wouldn’t have wanted to leave my baby for that long. I was FF but I imagine it’s even harder if you’re BF too. I think you come as a package with a newborn!

I’d withdraw. You will have a newborn and it is not reasonable not to be able to take a babe in arms to an event.

Absolutely not Ok, if you are breastfeeding they can be very unpredictabel at this time and need a lot of feeds. Yiu have offered a solution which she has rejectednso basically you can't go! Wedding used to be lovely family events with people of all ages but now seem to be just for the pictures.

Your sister is being really selfish and horrible. After all you've been through too. I think it is highly unlikely you will want to be away from your brand new baby for that long. I'm afraid she has a choice to make, either the baby is upstairs (perfectly reasonable) or her sister isn't at the wedding. Either way, there will clearly be one pathetic baby in attendance!

Baby will be very tiny, you won’t want to be separated…

She is being staggeringly unreasonable! That is way too young a baby to be so far from you.

I doubt I'd even say sorry, your sister is being awful.

Your baby comes first - now out of being her MoH now and says you’ll see how things are regarding your attendance. No way should you be parted from a tiny baby.

You’re as mad as she is if you agree to go along with this crap. It’s frankly quite hard to believe.

You and your DH should say you can no longer attend.

She created the problem. She can fix it.

Pull it now - baby stealing thunder is a ludicrous statement. 🤣
Tell her you cannot make the baby / breastfeeding work round her plans so you are calling it now do as to not disappoint her later in the day.

leave it with her to decide.

You need to withdraw. Dhe needs new moh You have no idea,how you or baby will be at 4 to 6 weeks.
Keep open to attend the weddng itself if close enough but as you say hotel then bedt drop out completely

Absolutely awful behaviour from your sister. You will not want to be away from your tiny baby. Just tell her now no.

At 4-6 weeks PP you won’t want to leave your newborn but you may also not be up to MOH duties either. I’d decline the whole thing.

Agree. When the baby is here OP your hormones and instincts will decide for you anyway. What a horrible woman she is! Concentrate on you and your little baby x

I’m all for child free weddings in fact we’ve happily sourced childcare or if we can’t, declined weddings in the past without drama but

Your sister is off her crackers. I can’t understand why she isn’t happy for baby to be in a hotel room being cared for by your MIL so that you can nip in and out if needed. All this “scared of baby stealing the limelight” and she’s going to resent you both? That enough would be what would make me pull out from being MOH.

I think the first sentence in your op should be ‘I was going to be MOH for my sister at her wedding’

As you have tried to come up with a very reasonable solution and she’s dismissed it, I think you’ll have to withdraw from the role. Your DH might want to do the same so that he can support you with your newborn. Tell them sooner rather than later then you can relax.

You can’t go to the wedding on those terms, OP - your sister is being very immature at best and horrible at worst. I’m sorry! No way would I be acquiescing to what she’s demanding. Your and baby’s wellbeing are way more important than your sister’s bizarre ego trip.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Anyone who thinks a newborn baby will take the attention away from them is being ridiculous. You tell your sister that you can't be away from a newborn for more than a couple of hours so you will be stepping down from MOH.

Your sister's selfish bridezilla behaviour is pathetically childish, narcissistic and very disappointing.

And congratulations. I hope all goes well for you 💐

No, it’s 100% not ok to be apart from the baby at that age for that reason. Why would you still be considering attending that wedding? Nethermind making your husband stay home, neither of you go

Your solution of MIL upstairs in the hotel in a room is honestly an excellent one. If she can't accept that then I think you'll have to say that you can't be MOH and you'll come to part of the day (pick which part) but you can't come to the whole thing. There's zero way you'll feel like going to a wedding anyway !

I would decline all together.

She doesn’t get to decide who stays in the hotel and who doesn’t, she doesn’t fucking own it. I wouldn’t have even asked. What is it with people getting married and thinking they can make decisions for others

Tell her you can no longer attend.
you have fought to have a baby.
you will be very vulnerable and potentially unwell after baby is born.

certainly tired and on edge
you don’t need this nonsense in your life
sack off the wedding and focus on your baby and motherhood

it is what it is.
if she is being as daft as this you don’t want this bridezilla ruining your new motherhood bubble.
and. Should not have to either.
she will have to find a new MoH. Such a shame. But she thinks so little of you she cannot think of anyone but herself.

selfish cow. She is.

be strong OP. And tell her. Baby comes. Or I don’t come to the wedding at all. Let alone as your MoH.
what an entitled bitch she is. Even more so given your journey to motherhood.

best of luck OP.