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Original poster

MOH for sister and newborn not allowed in wedding venue

929 replies

Elliee0810 · 11/01/2026 18:26

I am the MOH for my sister for her wedding in May. We are both very close!
After 4 miscarriages I am expecting my miracle baby 6 weeks before the wedding (if baby is overdue this could be 4 weeks).
I have asked my sister if my MIL could look after the baby upstairs in the hotel room the entire day. My sister has said in the past she wouldn’t want the baby to steal the limelight so I thought if baby is “hidden” nearby I can quickly nip up if I’m breastfeeding or if he won’t settle. My sister has absolutely said the baby is not welcome at the wedding (which I understand a tiny bit) or not welcome to stay in a hotel room upstairs being cared for. She said it’s her day and should be all about her and not the baby and that she’d resent me and the baby if he was on the premises. She said she was happy for the baby to stay nearby in another hotel or air bnb but that costs a fortune and the closest one is the 20+ minutes drive away.I don’t think I’ve ever been so hurt or offended in my life. I don’t know what to do. My husband is a groomsman and he’s thinking of not attending the wedding now as the baby will need a parent being so young. Will the baby be okay to be apart for 1-2 days? Will I be okay with this being 4-6 weeks PP? Does anyone have any advice?

OP posts:
Afiercemouse · 11/01/2026 18:58

She’s being ridiculous. Am assuming she doesn’t have children - if she does in the future then she’ll realise what a knob she was about this. As is your first you’re probably struggling to work out what would be reasonable and necessary. I wouldn’t have wanted to be away from my 6 week old for 1-2 days, at all. Few hours at most. You’ve offered a very reasonable solution with MIL, nothing more you can do. Have you any family who can mediate/make her realise what an idiot she’s being? As other posters have suggested, would bow out or MOH etc so she’s time to sort something else. This is definitely a ‘her’ problem, not a you problem.

HK16 · 11/01/2026 18:59

Your sister sounds awful. I’d withdraw from the entire wedding immediately.

She needs to take a long hard look at herself. I pity the poor man who has been lumbered with her. I hope he sees sense and runs a mile before the wedding.

northernballer · 11/01/2026 18:59

I wouldn't, I went to a wedding with my first at a week old and it was very hard and that was with the bride being super supportive and booking me a room for me to disappear to whenever I liked and everyone taking it in turns to hold him during the wedding and reception. Your sister sounds awful.

RandomMess · 11/01/2026 18:59

If you are breastfeeding that is way to soon to be apart from your baby for more than a few hours even if the birth and recovery go amazingly well.

Puffalicious · 11/01/2026 18:59

RampantIvy · 11/01/2026 18:33

Anyone who thinks a newborn baby will take the attention away from them is being ridiculous. You tell your sister that you can't be away from a newborn for more than a couple of hours so you will be stepping down from MOH.

Your sister's selfish bridezilla behaviour is pathetically childish, narcissistic and very disappointing.

And congratulations. I hope all goes well for you 💐

This! Your sister is a bitch.

Rowiegirl · 11/01/2026 19:00

Your sister’s behaviour is atrocious. Your new baby will be her niece/nephew and she should be happy that an addition to the family will be part of her wedding. I say this from a recent family wedding, where a newborn was very much welcomed. You must tell her that you won’t be able to come. I am sorry this has happened. It must be very hurtful for you and your husband.

Bluebluesummer · 11/01/2026 19:00

Just another thought, undoubtedly the biggest thing in your sister’s life at the moment is that she is getting married but that is not remotely anywhere near the biggest thing in your life. You are two separate people with two separate lives that are intertwined by virtue that you are siblings but are not one single life.

The biggest thing in your life is that you are going to become a mother. There is nothing nearly as big as that in your life at the moment even though of course there are other things in your life such as a sister getting married, still becoming a parent will be the single biggest adjustment you will likely make in your entire life. It was for me and for all of my peers when we discuss it. Nothing has come close to that in terms of the impact it has on your life.

Your sister doesn’t care at all about the biggest thing in your life but she expects you to go cuckoo over the biggest thing in her life.

That actually sounds more than a tad narcissistic behaviour, doesn’t it?

Rosecoffeecup · 11/01/2026 19:00

Decline and enjoy your baby instead of bridezilla

sausagepastapot · 11/01/2026 19:00

Your sister is a selfish, horrible bitch.

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/01/2026 19:00

She’s a dick. Pull out now, don’t apologise.

And massive congratulations on your pregnancy. I had a similarly tough route to my first baby and it’s stressful enough navigating a pregnancy after multiple losses without this sort of utter fucking bullshit to deal with on top of it. Step back now, you’ll feel so much better.

drinkstoomuchwine · 11/01/2026 19:01

My sister was a bridesmaid at a wedding when she had a 4 month old breast fed baby and the bride wouldn’t allow the babysitter to come into the venue to feed him.
It was a stressful and upsetting day for my sister and the relationship between the two women never recovered from it.
i have no words for these extraordinary self absorbed brides.

AxolotlEars · 11/01/2026 19:01

CapybarasAreJustGuineaBigs · 11/01/2026 18:28

Just give your sister your apologies right now. Don't over explain. Just say, sorry but I'm not sure it will be possible to leave the baby so I'm letting you know know rather than letting you down at short notice. End of.

This and all the versions of this. Pull out now. Not a chance I would leave my baby at this age

BunsBoots · 11/01/2026 19:01

Another here saying just pull out now. You can’t and won’t leave a brand new bf baby.
You may not even be able to attend just the ceremony as a standard guest if your newborn isn’t allowed in the vicinity.

Mischance · 11/01/2026 19:02

Baby aside, I am staggered that your sister is so immature and frankly pathetic as to even think these things.
In our family the bride would simply have been thrilled that her sister finally had a lovely baby and would have welcomed them all and wanted happy pictures with them in her album.
This bridezilla nonsense is sickening.
I have 3 adult DDs and there is absolutely no way they would have thought in this way. They love each other dearly. One of them did have trouble conceiving and had a much wanted baby arrived to coincide with a wedding of one of the others it would have been a source of great joy and they would have been welcomed with open arms.
I think your sister should be looking for a new MoH.

JaniceBattersby · 11/01/2026 19:02

There’s zero chance I could have left any of my BF babies at that age for more than a couple of hours. They’re still pretty much permanently attached at that age. I had two good feeders and two poor ones and even the good ones could go a max of 3 hours at that age (and even then the were incredibly unpredictable, particularly in the evenings).

And also quite honestly I’d probably have gone out of my hormonal mind had I had to think about leaving them overnight.

Of course you might actually be ok and the baby might be a good feeder and sleeper but there’s absolutely no way to predict it so I agree with the others. Pull out gracefully now.

BatchCookBabe · 11/01/2026 19:02

BobblyBobbleHat · 11/01/2026 18:29

Your sister is being really selfish and horrible. After all you've been through too. I think it is highly unlikely you will want to be away from your brand new baby for that long. I'm afraid she has a choice to make, either the baby is upstairs (perfectly reasonable) or her sister isn't at the wedding. Either way, there will clearly be one pathetic baby in attendance!

This. ^ What a horrible, selfish, self centred bridezilla she is. What a fucking utter disgrace, being scared of being upstaged by a baby. Holy fucking shit. I'm actually angry on your behalf @Elliee0810 I have to say I would find this hard to come back from, and it would drive a wedge between us. I would tell her she is being a twat and if she doesn't want you and her to fall out BIG TIME, she needs to be OK with your baby being at the wedding. OR accept you won't be there.

Can you perhaps get someone else to intervene, like maybe your mum, or your DH? Anyone? She is being vile.

Congratulations by the way! Smile

chocomoccalocca · 11/01/2026 19:02

Honestly I was super laid back with my first and at 6/7 months would consider this absolutely no way at 4/6 weeks. Not even with my amazing husband in charge would I have felt comfortable.

ComedyGuns · 11/01/2026 19:03

WTF have I just read!! Baby stealing the limelight and it’s her day!! What an insufferable woman…

I’m so sorry, but I just wouldn’t go to the wedding. I’m literally gobsmacked at your sister’s attitude.

hotchocfiend · 11/01/2026 19:03

Is your sister always this awful? Say you won’t be attending. Do not waiver.

JustPlainStanfreyPock · 11/01/2026 19:03

At our wedding we had 2 babes in arms and about half a dozen older kids in a total of 40 or so guests. Family and friends were what it was all about, not Instagram perfect, but a great party!
Nobody stole anybody's thunder and I've never heard anything so ridiculous. We don't have kids ourselves but still wouldn't dream of asking a mum to leave a tiny baby.

WhatNoRaisins · 11/01/2026 19:03

I'm guessing that there is family history here OP because your sister has made such a very unreasonable request of you for reasons that seem petty to most people. You would not be unreasonable to pull out of being MOH but obviously we don't know how this woman will react and how easy it will be to manage the fall out with other family members. You aren't unreasonable to put yourself first as a postpartum woman.

Givemeallthewine8 · 11/01/2026 19:04

She’s making you choose between her and your baby. When your baby is born you will choose your baby. Trust me you won’t want to be away from him/her. Baby’s need their mum at that age. To smell for comfort and feed. You will not be able to relax. Either baby stays with you or you do not attend. It is unreasonable to even suggest you be apart from your newborn. Any mother at the wedding would understand and also agree your sister is unreasonable. It’s ok to have a child free wedding but babes in arms must be the exception.

Anywherebuthere · 11/01/2026 19:04

If it was anyone else, someone not so close, I would think you should comply with their wishes of no kids allowed and decide whether to attend or not from there.

But what kind of a sister, who knows what you've been through would put you in that position where you have to be apart from your newborn just because she is too precious about the limelight being taken away from her!

WhistPie · 11/01/2026 19:04

Fuck her

Fuck the wedding

And fuck the marriage

Your sister is behaving like a total arse

HardworkSendHelp · 11/01/2026 19:04

Omg what have I just read. Your sister is bat shit! Do not be a maid of honour, you will not be fit for that 6 weeks after having a baby. What if you have a c section. I honestly wouldn’t be going if she is behaving like a bridezilla thinking she is going to be up staged by a baby 🙈