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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MOH for sister and newborn not allowed in wedding venue

929 replies

Elliee0810 · 11/01/2026 18:26

I am the MOH for my sister for her wedding in May. We are both very close!
After 4 miscarriages I am expecting my miracle baby 6 weeks before the wedding (if baby is overdue this could be 4 weeks).
I have asked my sister if my MIL could look after the baby upstairs in the hotel room the entire day. My sister has said in the past she wouldn’t want the baby to steal the limelight so I thought if baby is “hidden” nearby I can quickly nip up if I’m breastfeeding or if he won’t settle. My sister has absolutely said the baby is not welcome at the wedding (which I understand a tiny bit) or not welcome to stay in a hotel room upstairs being cared for. She said it’s her day and should be all about her and not the baby and that she’d resent me and the baby if he was on the premises. She said she was happy for the baby to stay nearby in another hotel or air bnb but that costs a fortune and the closest one is the 20+ minutes drive away.I don’t think I’ve ever been so hurt or offended in my life. I don’t know what to do. My husband is a groomsman and he’s thinking of not attending the wedding now as the baby will need a parent being so young. Will the baby be okay to be apart for 1-2 days? Will I be okay with this being 4-6 weeks PP? Does anyone have any advice?

OP posts:
Ineffable23 · 11/01/2026 18:40

I don't think it's viable for you to attend if she won't allow the baby to be on-site. Congratulations on your pregnancy. I think you'll have to give your apologies to your sister - that's so soon after birth, I can't imagine it will be feasible for you to be away from them for an entire day or longer.

Bluebluesummer · 11/01/2026 18:41

I would decline given the restrictions.

The baby being at the hotel but away in a room is a compromise from you, she isn’t willing to make any.

She is right it is her day, let her make her choices but there are consequences to choices.

The irony that was never lost on me was that people that I know who were the most insistent on these kinds of restrictions went on to become extremely PFB after.

You will feel extremely crap when she has the most “precious baby to ever live” and you are faced with the fact that you had to leave your child alone at 4 weeks old.

GreenSedan · 11/01/2026 18:41

Some people get so very odd over weddings. Your sister is being super weird. I cant imagine ever telling a pregnant woman that I would 'resent' their newborn for anything.

Completely baffling.

pouletvous · 11/01/2026 18:41

is your sister a child bride? Strange attitude to have about niece/nephew

Thanksforyourlackofthought · 11/01/2026 18:42

You might think you and your sister are close but she clearly doesn’t.
You need to decline now because when baby arrives you’ll realise you don’t want to do it.

Sorry your sisters an arse.

BoredZelda · 11/01/2026 18:42

If your 4 week old baby isn’t welcome, then neither are you. Bow out and say she needs to find another MOH.

IsItSnowing · 11/01/2026 18:42

Is your sister usually this insecure or just a bridezilla. Either way, she's being completely unreasonable.
A child free wedding is one thing, not allowing a newborn to be on the premises even hidden upstairs is just too much.
I would tell her now that neither you nor your DH will be at the wedding as you have more important priorities. And don't feel guilty about this - this is entirely her doing.

TwillTrousers · 11/01/2026 18:42

She’s being a cow. Does she really want you travelling to and from the venue several times in the day possibly for long periods.
I wouldn’t bother, quite possibly you’ll miss it all anyway.
DD was 2 weeks overdue. At 5 weeks I was okay, at 2 weeks I was a mess.

Louielove · 11/01/2026 18:42

Gosh what the hell is that about with the limelight - fine to be upstairs in the hotel

  • do that or don’t go

your sister is being a right cow 🐮

Operationtimecomingup · 11/01/2026 18:42

I don’t think I’ve ever been so hurt or offended in my life

No wonder OP.

I don't know if your sister has form for being self absorbed, self centered and unkind but honestly I think your relationship will suffer lasting damage from this behaviour . When your longed for wonderful baby arrives you are going to remember this.

I agree with pp that of course you put your baby first and tell your sister now you won't be attending her wedding.

GRCP · 11/01/2026 18:42

Absolutely no way can you be away from a baby if that age for that long - she is being very very unreasonable

pouletvous · 11/01/2026 18:42

You absolutely will not want to spend a few days away from such a small newborn

presumably, you dont plan to breastfeed

Lollypop701 · 11/01/2026 18:42

Honestly I’m all for child free weddings… but she’s being mental! I had 2 sil with babies 6 weeks old at mine and they didn’t steal my day, they enhanced it. One was a bridesmaid and she had free reign to do whatever she needed

She has to accept you are a mum and baby is a priority.. if you’re breastfeeding you can’t be far away as you can’t starve your child and it won’t be in a schedule at that point. imagine your mil trying to console a crying hungry newborn… with what?

Honestly tell her you love her, accept it’s her day but you can’t be part of it… you have no idea how you will be with those timings and at best I’d tell her you’ll make the ceremony as a guest only with dh and baby in car outside.

remind her of her bar shittery when she has a baby

mummabubs · 11/01/2026 18:42

Congratulations on your pregnancy 😊 Not to put the fear of God into you, but with my firstborn at 4-6 weeks postpartum I was in a lot of physical discomfort (episiotomy with complicated healing, bleeding on and off and found walking or being on my feet for too long difficult). My son had feeding difficulties as well so that was really stressful - so practically (never mind emotionally!) I couldn't have been away from him.

My SiL gave birth six weeks before my wedding - our niece was there, I adapted my SiL's bridesmaid dress so that she could feed and we literally gave her the room next to the venue so that she could nip and put for privacy to feed as needed. This was before we had kids ourselves but it was really important that everyone at our wedding felt comfortable and welcome.

I'm really sorry that your sister appears to have gone full-on bridezilla OP. I'm your situation as hard as it would be I don't think I could see any other option other than not going if she's going to stick to her guns.

Scottishskifun · 11/01/2026 18:43

Pull out now and be clear to your sister wish her a great day but you can't be away from a newborn for that amount of time.

Your sister is also being a complete bridezilla!

Growlybear83 · 11/01/2026 18:43

I think your sister’s attitude is absolutely shocking, and there’s no way I would be going under those circumstances. Yes of course it’s her special day, but surely thst doesn’t mean that the whole day is only arranged around her wishes and sod anyone else’s really valid needs. You’re her sister and if she can’t make the slightest compromise to enable you to attend then you and your husband will be better off staying away.

cinnamongirl123 · 11/01/2026 18:43

Sorry OP - this would make me hate my sister so much.
In my opinion, neither you nor your DH should take part in this wedding. Pull out now. You will want to be with your baby. You dont even know what state you’ll be in at that point. I was a wreck. If you pull out now, hopefully you will minimise any resentment that I would be feeling in your place. Your sister is being a total bitch, but hopefully you can put that to the side

MrsEmmelinePankhurst · 11/01/2026 18:43

People like your sister make me really grateful that I’m an only child OP Flowers

canyouseemyhousefromhere · 11/01/2026 18:43

I’m incredulous that anyone has voted YABU.
Tell your sister that you are not able to attend and enjoy your newborn without the stress.

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 11/01/2026 18:43

It is what it is.

She's made her priorities clear, you should be clear on yours too.

Its not that sensible for you to be moh anyway...but can work if people are reasonable... unfortunately your sister isnt reasonable or a good person. Sorry but she's not.

I'd step down as MOH and your DH step down as groomsman.
As she was my sister I'd be gracious enough to attend the ceremony.
so DH stays with baby and doesnt attend and i'd attend ceremony only then go be with my child.

At 4 weeks pp my second child was still (very unexpectedly) in NICU....you have no clue how this will play out and she doesnt give a shit about you or her niece/ nephew she just wants her "one perfect day" and to eat her cake and have it.

peepsypops · 11/01/2026 18:43

She’s an idiot. She’s your sister for gods sake. She’s out of line.

Emsie1987 · 11/01/2026 18:44

I was quite relaxed at leaving my new born for an hour or two from about 10 days. A full day or overnight. Not a chance unless an emergency.

hohahagogo · 11/01/2026 18:44

Simple give your apologies and step down, she’s being ridiculous and should be a lot more understanding

Blueberryme · 11/01/2026 18:44

Wow your sister is absolutely awful! Decline to be MOH now and give some thought as to whether you will attend at all.

Your suggestion for MIL to be upstairs with the baby is perfect and if you need to nip upstairs to bf no one is even likely to notice. Your DSis is probably thinking that if people know your baby is upstairs they might want to leave her wedding to start trekking upstairs for a peek, but you would surely know to say no, baby is sleeping and you’ll catch up another time.

Honestly, sort this out now as you don’t need the stress of worrying about this.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 11/01/2026 18:44

You sister sounds pretty horribly self-centred and entitled TBH.

I’d be telling her that there’s no way I’ll be coming if my very tiny baby is not welcome.

What sort of person talks of a longed-for new baby stealing the limelight on their wedding day??