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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

MOH for sister and newborn not allowed in wedding venue

929 replies

Elliee0810 · 11/01/2026 18:26

I am the MOH for my sister for her wedding in May. We are both very close!
After 4 miscarriages I am expecting my miracle baby 6 weeks before the wedding (if baby is overdue this could be 4 weeks).
I have asked my sister if my MIL could look after the baby upstairs in the hotel room the entire day. My sister has said in the past she wouldn’t want the baby to steal the limelight so I thought if baby is “hidden” nearby I can quickly nip up if I’m breastfeeding or if he won’t settle. My sister has absolutely said the baby is not welcome at the wedding (which I understand a tiny bit) or not welcome to stay in a hotel room upstairs being cared for. She said it’s her day and should be all about her and not the baby and that she’d resent me and the baby if he was on the premises. She said she was happy for the baby to stay nearby in another hotel or air bnb but that costs a fortune and the closest one is the 20+ minutes drive away.I don’t think I’ve ever been so hurt or offended in my life. I don’t know what to do. My husband is a groomsman and he’s thinking of not attending the wedding now as the baby will need a parent being so young. Will the baby be okay to be apart for 1-2 days? Will I be okay with this being 4-6 weeks PP? Does anyone have any advice?

OP posts:
dammit88 · 11/01/2026 18:44

peepsypops · 11/01/2026 18:43

She’s an idiot. She’s your sister for gods sake. She’s out of line.

This. She is being utterly selfish and unreasonable.

simpleoldpimple · 11/01/2026 18:44

I would decline your invitation and make it really clear that although I love my sister, I morally wouldn’t want to attend the wedding of somebody who
1 - cares so little for their neice/nephew
2 - is a selfish stuck up entitled cow!

World does not revolve around her, you’ve given perfectly reasonable options, if she is BANNING your baby from the venue, you will not be attending!

Boredoflunch1 · 11/01/2026 18:44

She's a right bridezilla. I'd send a message now "I've consulted with my DH and we've decided it's best we don't come to the wedding. The plan for the baby is too much to cope with possibly 4 weeks post birth. We hope you have a lovely day and look forward to hearing about it and seeing the photos."

Dial down on the drama and gracefully step aside. Ball is in her court then.

curious79 · 11/01/2026 18:45

Wow your sister?!?! What a twat! Has she been reading American stories about how to be a bridezilla

What you are asking about is reasonable and to be expected. No way will you want your 4 wk old to be at another venue / location

your sister needs to be persuaded otherwise by eg mum, otherwise I can see this rupturing your relationship with her

pouletvous · 11/01/2026 18:45

I remember worrying about a 2 hour hair appointment

your sister is a dick. She will realise when she has her own baby

outerspacepotato · 11/01/2026 18:45

She's being extremely unreasonable and it's time for you to withdraw from being in the wedding party.

You will have a near newborn and you could deliver a little early or a little late and your baby could be cluster feeding and not be comfortable being away from you for long. Whichever, you are requesting a very reasonable accomodation to have your infant nearby and to stand up for your sister. But your infant takes priority and she is trying to make you choose her over your infant by being so rigid.

She's being a bitch.

Clefable · 11/01/2026 18:45

I wouldn’t attend. That’s bonkers behaviour and I’m usually not bothered about child-free weddings, but this so far beyond reasonable your sister has lost all sight of how to behave. Stay home and cuddle your precious baby.

BillieWiper · 11/01/2026 18:45

I don't see how she can stop you from booking a room at the hotel where it's happening and brining someone to stay in room with baby while you keep popping back. She doesn't even really need to know?!

But of she's anti it then you can't go. Which is a shame as it doesn't affect her in any way.

Alwaysdancinginthemoonlight · 11/01/2026 18:46

Yeah ....... I wouldn't be going to the wedding. Regardless of the fact I was MOH. Sorry Sis, I'm afraid if baby can't even be 'hidden' in the same building then I'm afraid I can't come

CheeseWisely · 11/01/2026 18:46

Tell her to fuck off and don’t go, frankly. Imagine being worried a baby will ‘steal your limelight’ simply by being in the same building as your wedding. What a knob.

LeonMccogh · 11/01/2026 18:46

Sister would be finding a new MOH if she were mine, and I’d be completely honest if (when) people asked why I’d withdrawn.

Anyahyacinth · 11/01/2026 18:46

What a way to welcome a new family member her nephew...You can't make it under her conditions.

That's one selfish bride and unloving sister

itsthetea · 11/01/2026 18:46

Step down

she’s being a total idiot

Cupboarddoorknob · 11/01/2026 18:46

This is amongst the most batshit things I’ve read on here. Just echoing other posters. You won’t want to be separated from your baby, and probably when the baby is here any feeling you may have had about making any other decision than politely telling your sister to stick her crazy ideas where the sun don’t shine will rapidly melt away.

BoredZelda · 11/01/2026 18:47

PenguinsandWhales · 11/01/2026 18:39

Hard no. Seriously. Resign as MOH.

  1. Your sister is a fucking monster.
  1. Your first newborn? You will be totally overwhelmed, exhausted, fat, leaking milk. 4 weeks is still peak fussiness and cluster feeding time. You have NO idea how hard it's going to be. If you were formula feeding and it was your second or third rodeo, you could consider it.

You are in no position to be MOH or abandon your 4 week old for a whole day.

Careful with the language there. I’m sure nobody who has to leave a baby at 4 weeks is “abandoning” them, merely leaving them with another adult who is perfectly able to care for them. OP may, of course, not want to be away from her baby, or feel up to it. But if someone chooses to (or indeed has no choice) there is nothing wrong with a baby being cared for by someone else who can meet their needs.

Ooodelally · 11/01/2026 18:47

My god. She is DISGUSTING. Is there no family member who can talk some sense into her? Or did they all help to create Princess Bridezilla? Absolutely tell her if she can’t accept your incredibly reasonable solution you won’t be tolerating her nonsense and won’t be attending. End of.

seven201 · 11/01/2026 18:47

No way would I go. I take it she doesn’t know many new born babies! She sounds incredibly selfish.

I wouldn’t have left mine for more than 30 mins at that age as they were both breasted and little and often feeders at 4/6 weeks. They’d have been really upset.

You need a family member to explain new born babies and new mums to her so she realises what a ridiculous demand this is.

showyourquality · 11/01/2026 18:48

Your sister is being an absolute numpty, you can’t leave a month old baby for a day.
You both need to withdraw from having formal roles at the wedding as a minimum and possibly from the wedding altogether. Although you could go for a hour or maybe two with DH looking after the baby.
I would be viewing my dsis very differently at this point.

NotMeAtAll · 11/01/2026 18:48

Stay at home. It's only a wedding. Tell her where to shove her "I want to be special!" bullshit.

Overthebow · 11/01/2026 18:49

No, you can’t be apart from baby for a day, or even a few hours really at that age. Baby will be newborn and want its mum. You will be pp and recovering, hormone will be all over the place and you don’t know what birth you will have had. Baby and or yourself may still be having checks. If you choose to breastfeed you and baby will still both be learning.

Oldfriendleave · 11/01/2026 18:49

I had a disturbingly easy C-section, birth and recovery. Physically and emotionally I would have been fine to attend as maid of honour. Could have done it after a week with no issue. And with my first hours bottle feeding, so no issues technically with me not being there. And I was pretty chilled, in that my husband took baby out to see friends while I chilled at home within a few days, no anxiety about separation.

I say not not because I think you should go along with this plan. It's 🦇 💩. I say it because even in my situation hell would freeze over before I would agree to that. Being apart from baby for a few hours is different from a whole day, and baby being prohibited from being on the premises because of the jealousy of your sister is frankly disgusting of her.

Your mother-in-law being upstairs with baby was a perfectly good compromise, though your sister realising it's not all about her and maybe embracing the new life within the family would be even better.

With my second I breastfed, and although my husband had very extended paternity leave, I always had to be near my bottle refusing baby, because you can't predict when they'll get hungry in the early days. So I was the weirdo sat in a car working on my laptop, whilst my husband is doing baby massage class with my 6-week-old.

Your sister's actions are incredibly hurtful. Perhaps they come from a place of not understanding, but she could apply some thought. We had a brand new breastfeeding mum at our wedding (long before we had kids), baby was welcome throughout (as were about a zillion other kids), but mum also had access to the bridal suite for a quiet place to breastfeed and rest if she needed it.

TennesseeWaterfall · 11/01/2026 18:49

Is she normally such an utter bitch?

curious79 · 11/01/2026 18:49

FWIW I was invited to a wedding for when my DD was 6 wks old. The bride had organised upstairs rooms and childcare for our use. I pulled out when DD was c2 wks - in a fog, no sleep, DD attached to boobs. It was only once she had her own baby that she said she understood why I didn’t attend

RoamingToaster · 11/01/2026 18:49

I don’t understand what’s wrong with your MIL upstairs. I assume your sister worries you’ll leave often to see baby but then if she’s far away you might have to make a trip to see baby and it’d be much longer away.

It’s bizarre to be jealous of a baby on your own wedding day.

Hufflemuff · 11/01/2026 18:50

I'd decline; based on her shitty attitude alone.

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