MOH for sister and newborn not allowed in wedding venue

[Elliee0810]

I am the MOH for my sister for her wedding in May. We are both very close!
After 4 miscarriages I am expecting my miracle baby 6 weeks before the wedding (if baby is overdue this could be 4 weeks).
I have asked my sister if my MIL could look after the baby upstairs in the hotel room the entire day. My sister has said in the past she wouldn’t want the baby to steal the limelight so I thought if baby is “hidden” nearby I can quickly nip up if I’m breastfeeding or if he won’t settle. My sister has absolutely said the baby is not welcome at the wedding (which I understand a tiny bit) or not welcome to stay in a hotel room upstairs being cared for. She said it’s her day and should be all about her and not the baby and that she’d resent me and the baby if he was on the premises. She said she was happy for the baby to stay nearby in another hotel or air bnb but that costs a fortune and the closest one is the 20+ minutes drive away.I don’t think I’ve ever been so hurt or offended in my life. I don’t know what to do. My husband is a groomsman and he’s thinking of not attending the wedding now as the baby will need a parent being so young. Will the baby be okay to be apart for 1-2 days? Will I be okay with this being 4-6 weeks PP? Does anyone have any advice?

I could never imagine requesting this from anyone.

You’re well within your right to tell her to go fuck herself and you won’t attend the wedding at all.

100% agree. I don't think people who haven't had a newborn really understand how totally unworkable this would be. I also think that a grown woman who thinks she'd be upstaged by a BABY on her wedding day needs a sense check.

It’s such a physiological bond with your baby Even if you’re physically recovered by that point I honestly don’t think you’ll be able to be away from them for so long, both you and the baby will be a mess. There’s a reason they call it the 4th trimester.

your sister sounds like a huge bridezilla, I’d politely decline MOH role now and just look forward to meeting your baby without this stress.

also congratulations 🥰

So incredibly selfish of your sister. What do your parents think?

Assuming this is not a wind up post, there is no way in hell you will be able to leave that baby for more than about 2 hours at the very longest interval. Tell her now it's an absolute non negotiable and that you resign.

Your sister is being very unkind to you I don't understand people sometimes

What an awful Bridezilla 🦖👰. Doesn't want the newborn taking the limelight? I'm so sorry this is your sister.

4/6 weeks old, you won't be going anywhere without your baby. Let alone how you will be feeling, both physically and emotionally.

I am afraid you need to withdraw. She'll realise what an idiot she's been in she has her own babies in the future.

I think you may have a one sided close relationship with DSis - after 4 miscarriages I find it hard to understand why having your tiny newborn tucked away upstairs would be an issue. You have differing priorities, hers is to have her day in the limelight, yours is to parent your tiny baby. In your shoes I would bow out of the wedding now.

Your sister is an arse. She’s jealous of a baby.

Until recently I lived abroad, in a country where maternity leave is 8 weeks. I myself was "lucky" and had 20 weeks maternity leave. I am perfectly aware how hard mothers find it to leave a tiny baby at home to go to work.

Work is not a choice. A wedding is a choice. And 4 weeks is incredibly tiny. It will absolutely feel like "abandoning" the baby.

How incredibly selfish of your sister. Put you and your baby first and decline the whole thing.

You nailed it @CapybarasAreJustGuineaBigs
Your sister sounds horrible @Elliee0810

If you were my sister I’d be so overjoyed for you that I couldn’t possibly imagine saying something as hurtful as that. Has she always been this devoid of emotion?

I wouldn’t have any plans near your birth date and then it can be all about YOU and baby and sod her.

This is awful of your sister to do this. You na be breastfeeding / cluster feeding and unable to express. What if your baby may needs feeding every couple of hours? Travel 20 mins, spend 30 doing the feed, drive back, then turn around and do it all again? What if you have a CS and can’t drive? It’s very unkind and a bit pathetic to be honest. She needs to grow up. I would tell her now you’ll not attend and why and she can either give her head a wobble and let you bring baby in arms or not have you there at all x

Bridezilla much?? Your sister is being really selfish and I pity her if she feels her own baby niece or nephew will “steal her limelight”.

There is no way I would agree to being separated from my new baby. It won’t be good for you or the baby and I’m afraid that is more important than her wedding day (GASP!)

Honestly, does she really think the baby will steal her limelight? Ifs she having a childfree wedding or is it just your child that is not allowed? I would say now before anything goes any further that in that case unfortunately you won’t be able to attend. Are you planning on breastfeeding?

With my first, I have a very easy pregnancy and physically straightforward birth but had a PPH, I could not have done a whole wedding 4 or 6 weeks later. With my second I had an easy birth but would not have wanted to be away from them for 2 days at that stage. They are only so little once.

No new mum I know would leave their baby, even with their DH. At six weeks PP I definitely wouldn't, even with our third and a hands on, very capaple DH.
Your Dsis sounds awful. Is her DH not getting any attention on the day either? It's just her day? Honestly, I'd bow out now gracefully if she's behaving like this with months to go.

Well, technically, yes, the baby (if bottle fed) will be fine being looked after by your MIL at home for a night, but it's not something I would want to do unless absolutely necessary. I can understand not wanting a baby at the wedding, but it's unreasonable to not want the baby in the same hotel! I think i would have to say now that, unfortunately, I would no longer be able to attend the wedding.

Many moons ago my DSis got married and my son was 6 weeks old. She would never have even thought to ask this of me, and I wouldn't have been able to be apart from him. He didn't steal the limelight at all. She's being unbelievably selfish. If your solution doesn't work, I wouldn't be going.

Please tell her that she is absolutely ridiculous. The baby will Steal more of the limelight (even saying that is frankly ridiculous) if you have to go to breastfeed for at least an hour (40 mins return and then time there) rather than nipping upstairs discreetely.

i cant believe how one can be so self centred to say something like. Do not give in, your compromise of having your baby upstairs is already a very generous one, i wouldnt do it.

why is your parents not telling her how ridiculous she s being?

This is SO unreasonable of your sis that I’m struggling to believe it’s real tbh.
You’ve not had a baby before so let me assure you that there is no way you will want to be apart for the whole day.
It’s also very possible that you will barely feel up to getting up and out of the house (yes I know some new mums are ready to run a marathon 3 days after birth, but many are feeling barely human a month later).
Tell your sister now that you won’t be able to take on MOH duties if she won’t allow your baby to be at the same venue so that you can attend to them as and when needed.

There is no way I would've left my baby when they were that young, not even for a few hours, never mind a day or two. If you're breastfeeding, it's just not doable anyway. I doubt you'd be able to express enough milk and using a bottle that young may stop him taking to the breast again. If I was you, I'd just be telling sister it's not going to work and you can't attend the wedding.

Your Dsis is a bridezilla. I'd want my new nephew there and I'd want to share my joy with the tiny him.

She sounds like a horrible sister. She doesn't give a shit that you have had 4 MC and that your baby will be upstairs with your MIL. It sounds like she is a bully and gets her way.

When your baby arrives your world will change. He will be your no.1 priority. If you are a good mother you wont let anyone be treating him like a 3rd class citizen, as she has already started to do.

I'd be telling her she can shove her crappy wedding and good luck to her new DH as he is going to need it.

I went to weddings with both of mine as newborns and it was lovely but no way would I have left them for any length of time to attend. We were given access to the bridal suite to change and see to them but they were welcome at the whole day. She’s being massively unreasonable. As everybody else has said decline now, at 5 weeks your LO comes first.