MOH for sister and newborn not allowed in wedding venue

[Elliee0810]

I am the MOH for my sister for her wedding in May. We are both very close!
After 4 miscarriages I am expecting my miracle baby 6 weeks before the wedding (if baby is overdue this could be 4 weeks).
I have asked my sister if my MIL could look after the baby upstairs in the hotel room the entire day. My sister has said in the past she wouldn’t want the baby to steal the limelight so I thought if baby is “hidden” nearby I can quickly nip up if I’m breastfeeding or if he won’t settle. My sister has absolutely said the baby is not welcome at the wedding (which I understand a tiny bit) or not welcome to stay in a hotel room upstairs being cared for. She said it’s her day and should be all about her and not the baby and that she’d resent me and the baby if he was on the premises. She said she was happy for the baby to stay nearby in another hotel or air bnb but that costs a fortune and the closest one is the 20+ minutes drive away.I don’t think I’ve ever been so hurt or offended in my life. I don’t know what to do. My husband is a groomsman and he’s thinking of not attending the wedding now as the baby will need a parent being so young. Will the baby be okay to be apart for 1-2 days? Will I be okay with this being 4-6 weeks PP? Does anyone have any advice?

Your sister's feelings and beliefs are valid, even if you may not agree with them .so are yours.

Not understanding why you would agree to being a maid of honor, when chances are you'd have a newly born then, and you wouldn't know how you and the baby were doing and feeling...you'd also wouldn't know if your mil would still be alive, and if she were, what condition she would be in, her plans, and how she felt..she may not want to watch him.

Your husband can and should attend if he wants and is looking forward to it.

Exclusive hire so you've all got the run of the place? This is exactly what this is for!!! Outrageous she expects you to leave a tiny baby for days. I've glad you've said no to all of it. So sorry your sister is behaving this way

Congratulations to you on your pregnancy.

You've gone through a lot this is amazing for you to finally get your chance to be parents.
Put yourself and your baby first and feel no shame for it.

Who's the 3% saying you are being unreasonable

your sister is being a total bitch.

Probably the sister and her husband to be.

No they’re not. It is not “valid” to say you’d resent a newborn baby for being in the same building and saying shit like “it’s all about me”. That is vile, entitled and shockingly rude to her sister. MIL offered to babysit. No her husband shouldn’t go when his wife and child have been treated with such contempt. Are you serious?

Absolutely don’t go. Even if you’re not BF baby needs to be with you not MIL.

My sister would be HONOURED to have my newborn at her wedding. I’m so sorry your sister is so awful.

And the one sole poster who thinks the sister’s feelings are ‘valid’

Imagine having a sister like this.

I’m usually supportive of no child weddings but this is bonkers!
Potentially a month post partum you’ll be tired, leaking milk and probably not feeling like slipping into a bridesmaid’s dress!
At that stage I felt very pleased and accomplished of we went for a walk and to the supermarket.Definitely did not fancy travelling ( how far is it?) and hiding my baby somewhere.
Decline now and look forward to being with your lovely baby.

I’m so pleased to hear this. Wait until everyone at the wedding asks where you are and she has to explain you are at home with the tiny baby who wasn’t invited!

You do realise that most people plan their weddings a couple of years in advance!

Do they? I don't know anyone who was engaged that long. About 10 months at the most

I completely get child free weddings and want one myself although personally would be happy with small babies under 1! But my own niece or nephew who would be a few weeks old would absolutely be invited what’s wrong with people. Even if she doesn’t want them there you’ve come up with a really generous solution on your end with the baby being upstairs. I’d be saying sorry I can’t come then. Your baby is your family now and comes above anyone else.

Re: 10 months, most people would have to save up for much longer and also most venues are booked up a year or two in advance. Suppliers also.

Why would her MIL not be alive? She could be aged 40.

This is a bit ridiculous. I’ve agreed to be MOH for my friend in summer 2027. My little boy will be four at the time and isn’t invited so will be looked after by grandparents. I can’t decline on the basis my childcare might die - I might die 😂. OP said she suffered four miscarriages, so didn’t know for sure when she agreed that she would have a newborn.

Are you truly too dim to understand OP's babies died in pregnancy before since she had multiple miscarriages? Do you not get a woman in her position, or in fact no pregnant woman, has a guarantee of successful pregnancy and a living baby at the end of it? No matter what her shitty sister thinks, this is a priority and no, OP could not have planned it. How small is your world, I despair you even thought for a moment it was appropriate to write what you did.

She’s so far over the unreasonable line that I really don’t know where to start!
Poor you, OP but very many congratulations on your pregnancy … and I hope Bridezilla calms down!

Wait til u have your baby in ur arms, there’s absolutely no way in the world would you be happy to leave them for a few hours let alone 1-2 days!! Ur sister is ridiculously insane to even suggest a different hotel, she seems very selfish; that baby is her nephew or niece and literally can’t show any compassion.
tell ur sister now you can’t be moh either that or put ur foot down on baby needs to be at the hotel with mil

If you're breast feeding your boobs will leak after a few hours and make marks on your outfit. A 6 week old baby is far too tiny to be away from its mum for more than a couple of hours at a time. Banning the baby from the hotel (hidden away) is nuts. It's not about being offended, it's purely about practicality. And you really won't want to abandon your new precious being for a whole day and an evening. You need to have the baby very near by with an adult caring for it so you can pop in and feed/soothe when required without being absent from the wedding event too much. Your sister will need to decide if she wants you there with baby hidden upstairs or if she doesn't want you there at all.

I went to a friend’s wedding with my month old baby. Just as a guest. It was lovely and we have a great picture of the bride cuddling the baby. He did get a bit of attention but definitely did not steal the show and I was so pleased to be there. Good memories.

I too went to a friend’s wedding when DD was 4 weeks old. I was the one stressing about it and asked not to be a bridesmaid well in advance as I didn’t want the bride buying my dress and making arrangements for me when I had no idea what state I would be in. I was glad of this as I was still really swollen on the day and stressed out going to a function with her worried about her crying or fussing etc. As we entered the venue, one of the staff came over smiling and asked if we were going to beat their record of youngest guest to one of their weddings. We didn’t as that guest was 6 days old! Our bride was lovely, baby did not steal attention and it was a beautiful day. We didn’t stay as long as everyone else which was understood. I can understand not wanting kids but your solution was great.

I am an only child. Always wanted siblings.
However I’m very happy I don’t have a sister like you.
It will be such a shame not to attend the wedding, but you & the baby must have priority. It may be difficult recovering this situation.
In life you win some, you lose some. Sadly your sister is a loss. She must be very insecure to think she has to compete with a young baby.

I can’t believe this, weddings are about families! Your sister really is a piece of work.