MOH for sister and newborn not allowed in wedding venue

[Elliee0810]

I am the MOH for my sister for her wedding in May. We are both very close!
After 4 miscarriages I am expecting my miracle baby 6 weeks before the wedding (if baby is overdue this could be 4 weeks).
I have asked my sister if my MIL could look after the baby upstairs in the hotel room the entire day. My sister has said in the past she wouldn’t want the baby to steal the limelight so I thought if baby is “hidden” nearby I can quickly nip up if I’m breastfeeding or if he won’t settle. My sister has absolutely said the baby is not welcome at the wedding (which I understand a tiny bit) or not welcome to stay in a hotel room upstairs being cared for. She said it’s her day and should be all about her and not the baby and that she’d resent me and the baby if he was on the premises. She said she was happy for the baby to stay nearby in another hotel or air bnb but that costs a fortune and the closest one is the 20+ minutes drive away.I don’t think I’ve ever been so hurt or offended in my life. I don’t know what to do. My husband is a groomsman and he’s thinking of not attending the wedding now as the baby will need a parent being so young. Will the baby be okay to be apart for 1-2 days? Will I be okay with this being 4-6 weeks PP? Does anyone have any advice?

Your sister is being a bit of a bridezilla about this, I wouldn't want to be separated from my very tiny baby, especially while still establishing breast feeding so I would give my apologies now.

Your sister is awful. Her niece/nephew being on the premises far away from the celebrations will somehow steal her thunder? Is your sister even old enough to be getting married with that attitude? Fine not to want someone - of any age - wailing at the back when you're taking your vows - but you've come up with a perfectly reasonable plan and she is a being a self-centred princess. You've tried to compromise - she won't - she I just wouldn't go.

I would be telling her in no uncertain terms what a demanding nightmare she is and that you'll not have any part in her day. Do not allow her to pull the strings and make you feel uncomfortable away from newborn or you'll resent that and her unreasonable behaviour for years to come.

If you're breastfeeding you can't be 20 minutes (40 mins round trip) away from your newborn let alone 1-2 days.

Decline now. Being separated from your tiny baby will feel like torture. your sister is being unbelievably self centred. Maybe your mother can tell her to behave.

It would be a hard no from me. The baby will, rightly, be your priority. I get not wanting a baby in the ceremony, but not on the premises is insane

Your sister sounds awful. What sane person worries about a baby “stealing the limelight”? Just tell her now that you can no longer be MOH. Do NOT apologise.

She doesn’t want your child in the same building.

You tell her to get the fuck over herself, wish her well, don’t go the wedding and tell everyone why.

Weddings these days seem to basically be about treating the bride like an A list celebrity for the day rather than celebrating a marriage. It's actually pitifully sad that her sense esteem is so delicate that she views a newborn niece/nephew as competition.

Sister is being so preposterous I'm struggling to believe this is real. If it actually is then the only response is to laugh at her and pull out.

She's being wildly unreasonable. You can't leave a baby that young. I would just send your apologies.

Excluding newborns means excluding breastfeeding mothers.

Wow is your sister always this awfully self centred and ridicilous? She has a lot of growing up to do.

Tell her that you are going to have to withdraw from both being a MOH and potentially even as a guest given she cannot accommodate your more than reasonable suggestion.

You know that your sister is being completely unreasonable. Don't you?

If I were your mother I'd be knocking your heads together and telling her, in particular, that you can't sideline a small baby in this way just because you're getting married.

Christ, who needs enemies when you have family like this.

Your sister is being awful. I cannot imagine anyone let alone my sister saying I cannot have my newborn baby in the same hotel that’s ludicrous I’ve never heard of such nonsense.

Yeah, I also wouldn’t be attending that wedding. Not wanting your baby in the building at all is so bizarre and completely unreasonable.

My DD completely refused bottles, and I was absolutely unable to pump.

Your baby could end up being severely unwell as a result of your sisters selfish behaviour.

Just tell her it’s probably best you withdraw graciously now, as it obviously isn’t going to work.

I hope if she ever has a baby she’ll realise how incredibly unreasonable she is being and be suitably embarrassed and apologetic. Tell her either the baby is in the same hotel or you will not be able to attend the wedding. No third option.

Your sister sounds like an asshole.
Id drop out and tell her thats why

Your sister is being completely ridiculous and you won’t be able to or won’t want to leave your baby at that stage. My DD and her husband went to a wedding when baby was about 7 weeks old but baby was welcomed to the wedding by her sensible friend bride as she couldn’t have gone otherwise as was breastfeeding.

As others say, tell her you are sad but will have to stay home. Have you a mum still about to talk sense into her?

Hard no. Seriously. Resign as MOH.

1. Your sister is a fucking monster.

1. Your first newborn? You will be totally overwhelmed, exhausted, fat, leaking milk. 4 weeks is still peak fussiness and cluster feeding time. You have NO idea how hard it's going to be. If you were formula feeding and it was your second or third rodeo, you could consider it.

You are in no position to be MOH or abandon your 4 week old for a whole day.

I think it’s highly unlikely that you will want to be separated from your 6 week old baby for longer than an hour or two tbh. If you’re breastfeeding that adds a big complicating factor as you’ll need to pump every 2 hours or so.

If I were you, I’d tell her that the baby stays upstairs with MIL or I’m stepping away entirely. This is her niece or nephew that she’s choosing to compete with. She’s lost the plot!

You can't really leave a 4-6 week old breastfed baby even for 2-3 hours at a time, I would say. It may not even work with MIL upstairs, as you could be spending an hour away from the reception at a time.

Maybe you plan to bottlefeed, which might be easier for this event, but even then I wouldn't have wanted to be a car ride away from baby at that age.

Your sister is being utterly ridiculous.

One day your sister might understand what a massive that she's been. But unfortunately maybe not before the wedding.

You have a bigger responsibility to your child than your sister. Its time to decline.

I would 100% pull out now. There is no way at 6 weeks I would have wanted to be away from my baby for more than hour - yes everyone is different but I’m guessing many wouldn’t.

Sister is being very silly as everyone at the wedding who knows you will know you have just given birth and will be asking about baby, what she going to do ban baby talk for the day?

Back out now and don’t be made to feel bad. I’m shocked your sister is behaving like that, would definitely make me see her in a different light. Your baby comes first.