To want to leave my partner over a chocolate cake

[AreliabfMite]

Been with my partner 3 years. The relationship has been fine and we have been genuinely in love. Lived together 2 years.

I’m unexpectedly pregnant, 7 weeks. Partner was terrified at first but has come round to it and says he is looking forward to parenthood but there have been repeated instances of unpleasant and lazy behaviour from him.

I work Monday to Friday 9-6. It’s been shit as I’m exhausted with this pregnancy but life doesn’t stop when you’re pregnant so I’m pushing through it even though it is shit. His work is having a quiet spell at the moment which means he’s only working around 20 hours a week but getting full pay (he’s on a 45 hour contract.) Cooking is all left to me as it “stresses him out” and occasions where I’ve begged him to cook as I’m exhausted and feel sick I have been met with weaponised incompetence, magically forgetting how to make meals he used to make all the time before I moved in. Even household stuff such as folding clothes after they’ve been washed, he will fold them in such a ridiculous manner that I genuinely wonder how the fuck he’s managed to fold it in that shape and then I have to do it all again myself.

I have snapped today. On Saturday I visited my parents who live in another city 2 train rides away. In the city where I changed trains I had an hour to kill. There is a viral slice of chocolate cake (I know…) on Instagram that has been my pregnancy craving, and they had a store in this particular city. They do online orders too but I can never get one as they sell out. I decided to go and treat myself to one. Keep in mind this is a HUGE slice of cake and is essentially a full-size cake just in the shape of a slice.

I had a tiny bit of it (literally one spoon worth) at my parents Saturday evening but it made me feel sick so I put it away. Partner picked me up in the evening and I went straight to bed as I was knackered, cake was left in the fridge.

I was in bed until 1pm today due the pregnancy fatigue, woke up craving the cake. I go down to find he’s eaten the entire thing.

I snapped a bit and stated he knew I’d been craving it. I explained I didn’t mind him having some as it’s huge but to eat all of it was horrible of him. He’s telling me I’m hormonal and need to get over myself but it feels malicious. His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning. I’m so fucking annoyed at him

Well he isnt magically going to get any better is he.

And of course, it’s all your fault he guzzled the entire cake. Of course.
How does that saying go ? … “when someone shows you who they are…

You have a child already OP. Him. He ate your cake because you didnt feed him? Pathetic

Get out now - he will only get worse

OP, this is awful.

The reason so many of us are reacting in the same way is that we're picking up on what he isn't doing for you.

Many men have no idea what pregnancy is like or how hard the first trimester is - I went straight to bed after work every evening. You're tired to your bones. And I couldn't eat anything.

Some think we're making up pregnancy symptoms for attention and are resentful that they're expected to be considerate.

It's entirely reasonable to see this as a revealing choice on his part - he chose to eat the full thing rather than just about any other better choice. He could have cooked; had a bowl of cereal; got a takeaway. It's like he was punishing you a few times over - not cooking for him, being away for the weekend, perhaps the pregnancy too because you can't give him your full housework load.

Also: pay attention to the signals that his work are sending him. If they don't have enough work for him, they may choose to make him redundant. He may be anxious about this, fair enough, but bingeing on your cake and slobbing at home feeling sorry for himself isn't going to help the anxiety.

He needs to get his backside into gear and ready to find a new job if he has a child to support, whether you remain together or not.

He is showing you what he is, ie a selfish git.
I vote get rid.
The sooner you do it the easier it will be

You have two ‘good’ options. Leave and be a single mum, or leave and terminate.

You have one ‘bad’ option, stay.

You have one terrible option, terminate and stay.

Choose your hard.

It’s only going to get worse. He’s dreadful, not partner quality let alone a co-parent.
Do you want to be a single parent? If not you still have time….

Oh OP, no. Have the baby if you choose, but don't waste a second more of your life on this relationship. I'm sorry.

Start making a log of all events so that you can build a case against him if need be.

Chuck him out. He's lazy, thoughtless and entitled. He steals your lovely treats even when he knows you got it for yourself; he doesn't pull his weight; he expects you to work full time, cook him food, do the housework all while pregnant and feeling awful while he drifts through a 20 hour week.

It will only get worse when you actually have a baby.

You deserve more from life than this. It's never 'just' about the cake.

Bin him the fuck off. He is a prick

He sounds dreamy.

I'm sorry OP. Unless you've been pregnant, you will never understand pregnancy cravings! Mine were full fat coke (from a plastic bottle only not a can... 🤷‍♀️) I'd have killed someone of they had drunk mine!!!!
Anyway, once the baby is here you will have TWO children to look after. It will be awful and you will hate him so much that you will ask him to leave very early on.
My advice is you sit down with him now and spell it out as clear as day what he has to do in order to salvage whats left of your relationship or he packs his bags tomorrow and leaves. Simple as that. The stress of having a man-child about with a newborn will far out weigh any slight use he will have to the relationship

He's a selfish cunt. Leave.

Do you have to keep this baby? It goes without saying that you should leave him, but in your shoes I would consider a termination as well.

He's turned into a dick on purpose it sounds like. It doesn't sound as if he wants the life with a kid in it. Hell either try and make you dump him or he'll leave.

I'd probably think about what being a single mother will look like.

Either way, I doubt he'll step up.

From now on, tell him you'll be doing fuck all for him from now on. Including cooking.

Men often start showing their true colours when their partner gets pregnant.

You still have a choice about what you want to do if only 7 weeks - my dh would never do any of the stuff you’ve mentioned and it does absolutely sound deliberate.

I don't think he's as on board as you think he is.

He needs a reality check about what being a parent involves.

I mean the cake in itself is divorceable behaviour (half joking) but forgivable but saying it was because you didn't make dinner or breakfast. What the actual fuck.

It’s not the cake it’s the whole way he has been. He sounds utterly useless and this will become more apparent once baby is here and you are juggling even more on your own. He needs to buck up his ideas so you need to have a serious chat with him and if he doesn’t improve I’d be getting ready to go my own way.

@Hesma

eh?? How have you concluded that??

Leave him this is only the begining think what it will be like when the baby is born he's not going to do a thing

I'm with the other posters. He sounds a selfish prick and it's only going to get worse with a child i.e. you'll have even more to do/sort without any help from him.

what a prick!! is he really saying he can’t make toast or pour some cereal in a bowl with milk for his breakfast?? Wtaf…. why are you with him?

So basically he was punishing you for daring to not cook his dinner (are you seriously making his breakfasts too??)
You deserve much better. Leave now before you are trapped with a small baby.