To want to leave my partner over a chocolate cake

[AreliabfMite]

Been with my partner 3 years. The relationship has been fine and we have been genuinely in love. Lived together 2 years.

I’m unexpectedly pregnant, 7 weeks. Partner was terrified at first but has come round to it and says he is looking forward to parenthood but there have been repeated instances of unpleasant and lazy behaviour from him.

I work Monday to Friday 9-6. It’s been shit as I’m exhausted with this pregnancy but life doesn’t stop when you’re pregnant so I’m pushing through it even though it is shit. His work is having a quiet spell at the moment which means he’s only working around 20 hours a week but getting full pay (he’s on a 45 hour contract.) Cooking is all left to me as it “stresses him out” and occasions where I’ve begged him to cook as I’m exhausted and feel sick I have been met with weaponised incompetence, magically forgetting how to make meals he used to make all the time before I moved in. Even household stuff such as folding clothes after they’ve been washed, he will fold them in such a ridiculous manner that I genuinely wonder how the fuck he’s managed to fold it in that shape and then I have to do it all again myself.

I have snapped today. On Saturday I visited my parents who live in another city 2 train rides away. In the city where I changed trains I had an hour to kill. There is a viral slice of chocolate cake (I know…) on Instagram that has been my pregnancy craving, and they had a store in this particular city. They do online orders too but I can never get one as they sell out. I decided to go and treat myself to one. Keep in mind this is a HUGE slice of cake and is essentially a full-size cake just in the shape of a slice.

I had a tiny bit of it (literally one spoon worth) at my parents Saturday evening but it made me feel sick so I put it away. Partner picked me up in the evening and I went straight to bed as I was knackered, cake was left in the fridge.

I was in bed until 1pm today due the pregnancy fatigue, woke up craving the cake. I go down to find he’s eaten the entire thing.

I snapped a bit and stated he knew I’d been craving it. I explained I didn’t mind him having some as it’s huge but to eat all of it was horrible of him. He’s telling me I’m hormonal and need to get over myself but it feels malicious. His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning. I’m so fucking annoyed at him

I had terrible morning sickness and tiredness when pregnant with dd. Ended up with the flu and was so weak and unable to eat. Ex-dh was no help as he was at work and thought au had it easy as I was off sick and at home. Finally mustered the strength to get up and make some soup for myself and I remember i’d only had a few spoons before he came back from work. I went to the bathroom and he ate my whole bowl as he was peckish. It’s the only thing I’d managed to keep down for days. It was just the start of many selfish behaviours to come. Sometimes I’d meal prep for dc to save me time when they had afterschool club. He’s take everything to work without asking so I’d come home from club, expecting there to be food, and it’d be gone. He was also purposely incompetent so I wouldn’t ask him to do it again. He still tells everyone who’ll listen that I left him because of soup. No mate, I left you because you’re a selfish lazy idiot.

The thing that jumped out for me is not that he ate your cake, although that is shitty, but that he was annoyed you didn't cook dinner or make breakfast.

Very few working couples have time to eat breakfast together, me and DH make a cup of tea for one another but otherwise we grab cereal or toast for ourselves and get going. He can't toast bread? Or pour milk on cereal? Does he think everyone else lives in a 1980s PG Tips advert?

Similarly, whist I do know some men who really can't cook they can make beans on toast. Or boil some pasta. Or if really stuck, ring the takeaway.

Leave him. He doesn't like you, let alone love you, and he wants a skivvy not an equal.

Without meaning to be horrible, I'd seriously consider a termination as well. But only you can make that choice.

You know the answer to this OP. NewYear, new start. It’s a given that you need to leave, everyone is giving you the same advice, he won’t change.
Your main decision is are you ready to be a single parent. Personally I’d terminate and move on fast. Your relationship has run its course and you need to look to a future without him. Whether that includes a baby is up to you. Good luck 💐

Oh look, the soon to be ex partner is on this thread

The OP has every right to whinge.

Thank God to whoever made this cake as they've done you a massive favour. Get the fuck out of this relationship. Don't fall for the sunk cost facility. Leave him. Decide if you want to be tied to him forever but whatever you decide, get rid as your boyfriend.

Even if he was the best husband in the world otherwise, eating the chocolate cake should be punishable by death.

Trust me OP, this is only the tip of the iceberg. Get ready for an absolute waste of space when the baby arrives.

I'd be grateful his true colours have been shown pre-birth and early in your pregnancy so you can make arrangements to get your own place and get ready for the arrival of your baby.

It’s worse. He ate the cake as punishment for her not cooking.

He’s scum.

Your first? His? There's a lot to learn.

Might be have thought you brought some back for him and then just got stuck in there and then,

YANBU though

You’re 7 weeks pregnant

he will get worse

do you really want someone to have this prick as their dad?

Bin him off, not because of a cake (which he totally ate for spite because mummy didn't make his dindins and brekkie wekkie) but because he is punishing you for the pregnancy.

He sees the pregnancy and a baby as taking away your mummying role, looking after him and running around after him.

That's what he was 'frightened' about..the pathetic loser.

It's not going to get any better OP. Think on..

It’s not the cake. It’s that he expects you to cook every fucking meal, like he has no arms…
No No No

My partner is like this 2kids and another one on the way and not much has changed if anything it’s got worse. The lack of help and Immaturity isn’t something that he’ll probably change. Him not cooking or doing things properly is weaponised incompetence he knows how to do the stuff he’s just choosing not to. If my partner ate something I was craving I’d be raging too. I think leaving him over a slice of cake is a bit extreme but I also think a conversation needs to be had and expectations set and managed. Failing that if he doesn’t listen etc. maybe couples therapy would be an option the first year after having a baby is very stressful and intense with the hormones so he needs to understand how best to support you etc.

Has this behaviour accelerated since the pregnancy? Or are you only just noticing it as you’re feeling tired and hormonal?

It just strikes me that if it’s the former he’s not entirely happy about it and is acting out - punishing you almost.

It’’s really quite sinister - he should be looking after you and trying to make things easier, not stressing you out and giving you extra work. He’s extremely nasty.

Him eating your cake is the least of your problems.
I would seriously consider whether I wanted to continue the pregnancy and be tied to this utterly pathetic prick forever.
If cooking a meal (something my children were pretty competent at from the age of about 13) 'stresses him out', how are things going to be when you throw a baby into the mix? If he can't cope with feeding himself when you're not there, he's not going to magically turn into father of the year is he?

This. Have the baby knowing that he won’t contribute anything. You aren’t leaving over cake you are leaving over his absolutely abusive behaviour and yes pretending you can’t cook etc when you can is abuse it’s emotional abuse.
i personally would get shot of him now

“His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning. “

At this moment, my 23 year old is cooking dh and a roast dinner and I’m neither pregnant or ill. The quote above is a forecast of what’s to come. Take heed.

It’s shocking isn’t it?

My dh isn’t perfect but by God, he’s a King compared to the stories I read on here every day.

I wondered if it was a Bruce. Yes, I ate mine in 3 sittings! They're massive. What he’s done is spiteful. You are right to question this man child’s motives. What a dick!

Is it still the school holiday’s?

It's time to decide, do you want to live like this forever? Trust me, get won't get any better when you have a newborn to deal with too

Oh op, I know this is just a tiny snapshot of your life but if this type of behaviour not unusual for him then do you really want yourself tied to this man for the rest of your life and yes I am being serious. He sounds vindictive and useless. You know that once you have this baby you'll have to do everything.

This man really has it made. No bills and a woman running around cooking for him, and even a disclaimer that he always said he’d be a rubbish partner. He really is having his cake and happily eating it.

His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning

Firstly I'm so sorry as don't deserve this. Eating the cake is teen boy selfish behaviour and he isn't responsible enough to be a parent however to blame you is appalling and DARVO. Look it up.

What is his parents relationship like?