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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want to leave my partner over a chocolate cake

665 replies

AreliabfMite · 11/01/2026 17:12

Been with my partner 3 years. The relationship has been fine and we have been genuinely in love. Lived together 2 years.

I’m unexpectedly pregnant, 7 weeks. Partner was terrified at first but has come round to it and says he is looking forward to parenthood but there have been repeated instances of unpleasant and lazy behaviour from him.

I work Monday to Friday 9-6. It’s been shit as I’m exhausted with this pregnancy but life doesn’t stop when you’re pregnant so I’m pushing through it even though it is shit. His work is having a quiet spell at the moment which means he’s only working around 20 hours a week but getting full pay (he’s on a 45 hour contract.) Cooking is all left to me as it “stresses him out” and occasions where I’ve begged him to cook as I’m exhausted and feel sick I have been met with weaponised incompetence, magically forgetting how to make meals he used to make all the time before I moved in. Even household stuff such as folding clothes after they’ve been washed, he will fold them in such a ridiculous manner that I genuinely wonder how the fuck he’s managed to fold it in that shape and then I have to do it all again myself.

I have snapped today. On Saturday I visited my parents who live in another city 2 train rides away. In the city where I changed trains I had an hour to kill. There is a viral slice of chocolate cake (I know…) on Instagram that has been my pregnancy craving, and they had a store in this particular city. They do online orders too but I can never get one as they sell out. I decided to go and treat myself to one. Keep in mind this is a HUGE slice of cake and is essentially a full-size cake just in the shape of a slice.

I had a tiny bit of it (literally one spoon worth) at my parents Saturday evening but it made me feel sick so I put it away. Partner picked me up in the evening and I went straight to bed as I was knackered, cake was left in the fridge.

I was in bed until 1pm today due the pregnancy fatigue, woke up craving the cake. I go down to find he’s eaten the entire thing.

I snapped a bit and stated he knew I’d been craving it. I explained I didn’t mind him having some as it’s huge but to eat all of it was horrible of him. He’s telling me I’m hormonal and need to get over myself but it feels malicious. His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning. I’m so fucking annoyed at him

OP posts:
AlistairSim · 11/01/2026 17:23

I’m really sorry, OP, what a horrid thing to do.
unfortunately, this is who he is. Selfish and inconsiderate. This relationship will not ever get better than it is now, you will forever be the default parent/cleaner/cook.

Get out whilst you can.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 11/01/2026 17:23

They don’t change, you’re going to waste a lot of time trying to change him, of course he is capable, he is just self entitled and lazy.
It’ll be much harder with a small baby.
He has a small window to grow up, don’t waste years waiting.

3luckystars · 11/01/2026 17:23

He is so selfish. I cannot describe how hard and tiring having a child is. You cannot carry extra weight or have a selfish man pulling at you and annoying you. It will make you ill.

you have some serious thinking to do and he either needs to replace that cake today and stop gaslighting you or get lost.

WinterBlues26 · 11/01/2026 17:23

but there have been repeated instances of unpleasant and lazy behaviour from him.

It's a well known fact that abusive men start when they think their partner is trapped, ie pregnancy or after birth. Your partner is being abusive and will keep getting worse. Make plans to leave before the baby is born as he will never, ever change.

UninitendedShark · 11/01/2026 17:23

LVhandbagsatdawn · 11/01/2026 17:21

This is not going to get better.

I would really, really seriously consider whether you want to be tied to this man for the next 18+ years.

this. And it’s not said flippantly. This is who he is, believe him.

Sohelpmegod25 · 11/01/2026 17:24

Lafawnda · 11/01/2026 17:21

Are you sure you want to tie yourself to this man for years? Even if you left youd have a baby and him to deal with?

At 7 weeks I would reconsider the pregnancy for a clean break.

I didn’t want to sound harsh but I absolutely agree with this
termination would be an absolutely sensible in this situation

theresapossuminthekitchen · 11/01/2026 17:24

I wouldn’t even think twice about leaving him - it’s not about chocolate cake, it’s a complete lack of care and affection for you, while you’re not feeling well (nevermind the fact that you’re pregnant with his child!) He’s selfish and useless and this will not get better. You will have a child to care for and he is already showing that he won’t look after you let alone the baby, and he’ll want you to look after him on top of everything else. Many women find they grow to ‘hate’ their previously decent partners when caring for small children - some recover their relationships once hormones and sleep are back to normal, others realise too late that they’ve had a baby with the wrong man. Yours is not even proving to be decent before the baby is born. You’ve been given a gift here because it’s not too late to make a different choice, even if you are not prepared to have a termination you can make a break now when you are not at your most vulnerable with a newborn.

ginasevern · 11/01/2026 17:24

Sorry OP but a baby is not going to improve his behaviour. Please don't think, as so many women do, that it will magically melt his heart. It really won't. In fact a screaming little bundle of sleepless nights will only make him 10 times worse. I assume he was a selfish prick before you got pregnant? Surely there were signs. I think you need to leave and maybe reconsider the pregnancy if you don't want your life to be totally enmeshed with this piece of shit for decades to come.

grumpygrape · 11/01/2026 17:24

OP, go back and read your post as if it was written by your best friend.
What would you tell her ?

EatYourDamnPie · 11/01/2026 17:26

This relationship has no future. Or at least not a happy one. You’ll be better off splitting up , than raising a child AND having to parent a full grown ass adult that will just add to your workload and stress.

The fact that he couldn’t feed himself would instantly give me the ick anyway. What’s he going to do if your labour is tricky and you have to stay in hospital for a few days , or simply not be fully functional to cook him a meal right after? Fuck that shit.

3luckystars · 11/01/2026 17:26

He is not pulling his weight and is piling work on you, I’m telling you, you are going to need help when the baby comes, not this selfish man giving you extra work.

This is really a huge red flag. it’s nothing to do with the cake, it’s his attitude.

RunningJo · 11/01/2026 17:26

He’s shown you who he is, who he intends to be once your child is here.
He’s a lazy twat and honestly as pp have said, he will get worse. He should be taking care of you, making dinner for you, not acting like a spoilt child.

intrepidpanda · 11/01/2026 17:26

I would cancel having a child with this man then cancel the relationship
If you go ahead with this pregnancy you will be doing everything when the baby comes.

Merryoldgoat · 11/01/2026 17:28

Sit and really think about who he is as a person.

Even write a list of misgivings if it helps. This is not a nice man.

I have two DC with ASD. We’ve had a really challenging week. He’s been off school all week. DH is on leave so did all the childcare and medication administration (not easy with a strong non-verbal 8yo).

He spent all morning batch cooking for the week.

I’m in the bath as he told me to have some to myself whilst he does the dinner.

And none of this is a surprise because before we married he was the kind of man who planned meals and cooked, ironed and washed his clothes without prompting, cat sat and watered plants for parents when they were away, checked in on people he cared about.

20 years in he’s grown up but his character is unchanged. We do not change in essentials. This man is a walking red flag.

HoseGoblin · 11/01/2026 17:28

You're going to be joining the legions of women on this website who continued to have multiple children with selfish lazy arseholes and then seem bemused that the men continue to be selfish lazy arsholes.

At least he hasn't waited until after you give birth to show you his true colours. He's given you plenty of time to get rid of him and then make a decision about whether now is a good time to become a solo parent OR whether this is the kind of man you want to be tethered to for a minimum of 18 years.

Tresd · 11/01/2026 17:28

He's useless and he's going to remain useless. Worse, when you try to pick him up on it, he will flip it to being your fault (hormonal etc) or be defensive or consider it to be nagging. I would consider getting rid of him and consider whether you want to be tied to such a selfish useless twat for the next 2 decades with a baby.

He is a self centered man child. Unless he can offset his uselessness by being willing to learn and/or earning a lot of money so that his shortcomings can be fixed with help from people like cleaners/similar, you are condemned to a lifetime of idiocy.

NigellaWannabe1 · 11/01/2026 17:28

The cake thing is symptomatic of his whole personality and attitude to your relationship. I’d go nuclear.

GardenCovent · 11/01/2026 17:29

YWBU to leave him if it was just over chocolate cake but this isn’t.
He is showing you no respect and I think this may be down to the fact you said he “came round to the idea” of the baby.
It doesn’t sound like he has and YWNBU to leave him over this and the way he has treated you.
Id think very hard about having a child with someone as incompetent as him.
He sounds awful

smallsilvercloud · 11/01/2026 17:29

He’s mean and selfish, I can’t imagine for a moment he’ll do his share of parenting.

Overtheatlantic · 11/01/2026 17:29

Leave him or marry him but don’t move forward without some financial security in place.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 11/01/2026 17:29

He was forced to eat a giant slidlce of chocolate cake that his pregnant partner bought, because she was mean and didn't cook him dinner or breakfast? That's absolutely pathetic and would make me lose all respect for him.

It's quite common for people to revert to the roles their parents had, or become abusive, in pregnancy. And it doesn't normally get better.

I'd be seriously considering whether I wanted to continue with this pregnancy and relationship

HermioneWeasley · 11/01/2026 17:29

I would urge you to leave him and have a termination.

if you leave him but have the baby, you will never get a penny of maintenance from him. If he ever has the baby you’ll be worried about him being incompetent/neglectful. Worst case scenario he will deliberately be neglectful and abusive to your child knowing it’s a way to abuse and control you, and the family courts WILL give him access.

please cut your ties with this awful man.

MapleOakPine · 11/01/2026 17:30

I would be really upset about this @AreliabfMite. Firstly refusing to cook even though you feel sick and are working longer hours than him at the moment. And then the cake thing would really feel like the last straw Sad

Cherrytree86 · 11/01/2026 17:30

its just food OP, its there to be eaten

Fiftyandme · 11/01/2026 17:30

I think you’re being MASSIVELY unreasonable painting this in the way a typical selfish man would. This isn’t over a piece of chocolate cake.

He’s selfish, he’s thoughtless, he’s lazy, he sees unpaid shitwork as your job. He chronically under functions.

AND he’s a gaslighting cunt.

Get a termination (because getting him to step up in any way is going to be more bad there that you won’t need) l, leave him and go be happy.

you have one precious life -and I say that as a 50 year old woman who’s had more than her fill of gaslighting, chronically under functioning, emotionally toxic, cunts.