To want to leave my partner over a chocolate cake

[AreliabfMite]

Been with my partner 3 years. The relationship has been fine and we have been genuinely in love. Lived together 2 years.

I’m unexpectedly pregnant, 7 weeks. Partner was terrified at first but has come round to it and says he is looking forward to parenthood but there have been repeated instances of unpleasant and lazy behaviour from him.

I work Monday to Friday 9-6. It’s been shit as I’m exhausted with this pregnancy but life doesn’t stop when you’re pregnant so I’m pushing through it even though it is shit. His work is having a quiet spell at the moment which means he’s only working around 20 hours a week but getting full pay (he’s on a 45 hour contract.) Cooking is all left to me as it “stresses him out” and occasions where I’ve begged him to cook as I’m exhausted and feel sick I have been met with weaponised incompetence, magically forgetting how to make meals he used to make all the time before I moved in. Even household stuff such as folding clothes after they’ve been washed, he will fold them in such a ridiculous manner that I genuinely wonder how the fuck he’s managed to fold it in that shape and then I have to do it all again myself.

I have snapped today. On Saturday I visited my parents who live in another city 2 train rides away. In the city where I changed trains I had an hour to kill. There is a viral slice of chocolate cake (I know…) on Instagram that has been my pregnancy craving, and they had a store in this particular city. They do online orders too but I can never get one as they sell out. I decided to go and treat myself to one. Keep in mind this is a HUGE slice of cake and is essentially a full-size cake just in the shape of a slice.

I had a tiny bit of it (literally one spoon worth) at my parents Saturday evening but it made me feel sick so I put it away. Partner picked me up in the evening and I went straight to bed as I was knackered, cake was left in the fridge.

I was in bed until 1pm today due the pregnancy fatigue, woke up craving the cake. I go down to find he’s eaten the entire thing.

I snapped a bit and stated he knew I’d been craving it. I explained I didn’t mind him having some as it’s huge but to eat all of it was horrible of him. He’s telling me I’m hormonal and need to get over myself but it feels malicious. His excuse was that he was hungry because I didn’t cook last night and didn’t make breakfast this morning. I’m so fucking annoyed at him

I’m sorry to read this. You deserve better.
How old are you? Do you really have to have a baby now?

I’d seriously consider leaving him and having an abortion rather than shackling myself to such an inconsiderate, selfish waste of space for the rest of my life. He’s going to be a terrible father too.

I just don't understand how these hopeless blokes exist ...no excuses this day and age to be like that. Our son has been taught to be just as competant in cooking as his two sisters . Tell him to get real , its 2026 not 1896 !

7 days since the OP posted a froth inducing thread and then buggered straight off.

Yet people are still answering in good faith.

I wonder if this is a record?

I would be furious, and surely he’s capable of making a bit of toast, or sticking some cereal in a bowl. Dear god, this man is is completely idle. He’s acting like a child instead of a partner. Dump him before you have the baby. Dealing with this loser and a baby will break you. He’s not going to step up.

It sounds ruthless but I do think you should work out the logistics to leave him. Men like him really do not change their ways and only become more incompetent the longer you stay with them.

I wonder if your health will start to improve if you left him? Dont stay just because you(mistakenly) think no-one else would want you. You may even be happier alone. Their negativity and uselessness bring us down!

It's totally reasonable to leave him over a chocolate cake as eating it all was selfish and unkind of him. He is being deliberately unpleasant to you and it's not going to get any better when you have a baby as well as this man child. The resentment you will feel when you are exhausted doing everything and he's doing nothing will kill the relationship and drain yourr energy. I would speak honestly to him now about his behaviour and then tell him to go if he doesn't step up if I were you. I'm sorry you are going through this and hope things work out for you.

The amount of stress he will bring you in your life...Also to your child. The resentment the frustration eats away at you and you die younger. Nothing will go your way, he will always get his ridiculous way no matter what and when something good happens for you he will do his best to derail it. Eg chocolate cake....its anything...Its slow and insidious and so bloody stressful. Think very hard about this

Better the devil you know unless the spouse is abusive.
I don't think there are any Mr Darcy's out there tbh.
The vast majority of men do the least they can get away with in the home.

Also, living alone as a disabled person who's getting on could be dangerous.
Better to have someone you've shared your life with than have a health incident with no-one around to raise the alarm.

You've set the bar low. Do it to yourself but don't encourage anyone else to. You do know that it is okay not to be in a relation and people can be happy without a romantic partner?!

This is so sad to read. You should raise your bar.

11 days and no updates from OP

You're having a third baby with this manchild you're with? Why?

wasn’t intentional failed contraception and a stupid lapse of judgment unfortunately. I was leaving but we’re working through things and he’s actually stepping up this time around so far but we’ll see. Either way my children are what are most important to me. The first sign of anything this time and we’re gone.

I’d leave him.

Not just for the chocolate cake, but because if he can’t be an equal partner to you now what would he be like as a Dad? You will resent him for the rest of your life and life is too short.

You say he used to cook and clean and manage before you moved in… when did he stop and start leaving it to you?

When that changed did you have a serious conversation that this is not how you picture your life with him and that if he wants that life then he should get a maid?

It seems like it’s gone on far too long and he just assumes you will always do these things for him….